Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Can a N feel 'true' attraction?
BlueTopaz:
El123,
I think everything that Dawning had to say is really valuable, and important to do. I can't say much more.
Take time increments alone to think deeply, and be really core honest with yourself.
el123:
bunny, I think you are right about a rivalry with his brother. He's always totally ignored the basic boundaries with my H. Why would this be an exception?
Blue Topaz, I thought over what Dawning had to say and came up with this: I've always had a problem getting truly close to anyone. It's not something that anyone would necessarily 'notice' as I don't act any differently than someone who feels secure in the relationship. I think because of my past with a N mom, I associate love with something bad. :( I think the fact that my N BIL is so *off limits* has made his attraction to me not unwelcome recently. I may be totally off here but that's what I came up with. I've always had a problem feeling good in closely intimate relationships. My H and I have a good marriage in general. I'm good to him and of course the kids as well. But it's something in my head that's not able to embrace love relationships totally. It's like there's a wall there to protect me from fully feeling so that I can't get hurt like I did with my mother.
-E
Anonymous:
I think it's flattering to be the object of a man's seduction. It doesn't mean that you're in love with him, you may even dislike him. Still, it's naturally flattering for a man to pursue us, especially a "taboo" man. My suggestion is to simply stay away from this manipulative creep. Don't feel bad about being flattered. Most women would be. Heck, I would.
bunny
BlueTopaz:
Hi E,
I don’t think you are off, if those are the thoughts that came to you, from within you, when you thought carefully and honestly. Sometimes there are many layers of things, and we find out even more of the puzzle as we think more on it…
The great thing is that you have the time you need (while not changing your behavior overtly) to think on it, until you feel it is resolved within you.
What you have realized so far makes so much sense.
The feeling of “dysfunction” and love together, may be what is feeling familiar to you, and familiarity, even when it’s around really unhealthy circumstances, can be extremely drawing to us.
My mother was a weekend alcoholic, and I have noticed that although I am honestly repulsed, and do not want to be around very drunk people, at the same time I sense a part within me that is drawn to it (there is almost an excitement) because of the familiarity. Sad to say (but happy to realize it!) a part of me feels at home when observing someone like that.
As insecure and bad as they are on the whole, certain situations build our sense of security as a children, just merely due to their consistency.
Another thing. I have similar feelings as you do, about letting people really close. I don't know if you will relate to this, but what I’ve noticed for myself, is that sometimes (when I was in a relationship\s- am not now), I would kind of flirt with taboo thoughts. For example, if someone was coming on to me, I’d imagine, and feel exhilerated about reciprocating (although I’d never do it- couldn’t be farther from who I am).
What I’m saying is that I think thoughts like that can sometimes, for some emotionally guarded people, be the psyche’s way of feeling safer, by creating some emotional distance in one's mind only, between oneself and one's partner.
I admire your willingness to get to the bottom of your feelings here....
Jaded:
Oh boy Oh boy!!! Where an I begin on this one?? I agree with the others that it is a jelous issue with his brother (your HUSBAND) and I also think that he will continue to work you (better stated would be manipulate, seduce, work his ladies man talents) until you fall into a vulnerable position and he will jump on you like a fly on chit.
May I ask you something? If you think back to all of the things your husband has said about your BIL, would there be a mention of rivalry, jellousy, bitterness or previous other women your husband dated that the NBIL hounded on?
I don't know how to explain this but it is almost like N people have the ability to perform voodoo on their victims. First of all if he was a descent person he would take his wagging tail to a single woman let alone his married SIL. Something is missing in his deck of cards to even attempt this one.
Hun, I am here to tell you that should the chance arrise with this viper, you should run as fast as you can. He would probly bed you once or twice then turn his nasty venum on your husband and tell all.
Tisk
Tisk
N never quit amazing me with their tactics.
Navigation
[0] Message Index
[#] Next page
[*] Previous page
Go to full version