help for suicidal feelings

[write]

http://suicidal.com/ is an American website with lots of links.

There's a book called HOW I STAYED ALIVE WHEN MY BRAIN WAS TRYING TO KILL ME: One Person's Guide to Suicide Prevention by Susan Rose Blauner which is a good concept and a good companion for someone trying to cope with overwhelming despair.

The feelings do go away, life does get better, there is hope and a way out without ending everything.

Love
~Write

[Ami]

Thank you for this link!                Ami

[write]

The main thing for someone who is expereincign suicidal tendencies to think is:

don't make an irreversible harmful decision based on temporary overwhelming emotions.

Emotions will always change, the consequences of a suicide attempt can be devastating not just for the person self-harming but for their family and community.

And

Don't try to hurt the person who hurt you by committing suicide- there is always another and a better way than hurting someone.

[sunblue]

Thank you for this link as well.  It is an important subject and one that I am well familiar with.  I have struggled with suicidal tendencies for a long time and was hospitalized at one time.  I would add a couple of things to the good suggestions already listed here.  Yes, it is important to remember that tomorrow is another day when circumstances or emotions may change.  And yes, suicide is not a way to get back at someone who hurt you.  No one else should have that much influence or control over your life. 

Having been through this, I would also like to add this:

*If someone speaks of suicide or says things like "I wish I wasn't here...It would be better if I could just die..I wish it were just over," do not take it lightly.  Do not dismiss it with comments like, "Oh, stop it.  Come on, don't be melodramatic.  Your life isn't that bad...etc, etc."  I could go on and on.  The person who feels suicidal has lost all HOPE.  Telling them they shouldn't be feeling what they are definitely feeling does not help them.  It only makes them want to shut down, to not communicate the feelings.  Personally, I think the best thing is to listen, to express concern for them, to ask them to not take any immediate action and to promise to call someone if they feel they are getting too overwhelmed.  Obviously, it's also good to try and get them to speak with a professional. 

But those who are feeling this way are in very serious pain.  I'd also like to add this thought.  The pain doesn't go away, even when it may appear they are no longer talking about suicide.  For others surrounding the suicidal person, they believe as long as the person doesn't make an attempt, all is fine.  But for the person feeling this way, they are still in the pain.  They may not make any attempt for a number of reasons...fatigue, their concern for children, spouses, famly or others in their lives, their faith, or a lack of opportunity to carry it out.  BUT, it does not mean they will not at some point make an attempt and it does not mean the pain has gone away.

I think most people really underestimate the depth of pain that has prompted a person to feel suicidal.  They need to hear someone wants to really listen to them, to care about them, to understand their pain.  The best thing you can do is spend time with them, even if that means just sitting with them.

From personal experience, I can tell you that it is often a lifelong struggle against giving into the temptation.  Logic and common sense don't play into it because the pain can be so great...pain and total and complete hopelessness.  If you can offer these people a smidgeon of hope about anything in their life, it can help.

Just my two cents.

[write]

Personally, I think the best thing is to listen, to express concern for them, to ask them to not take any immediate action and to promise to call someone if they feel they are getting too overwhelmed.  Obviously, it's also good to try and get them to speak with a professional. 

yes Sunblue. Exactly right- the person who is suicidal is moving into a new way of rationalising, a thinking which they will harm themself if they take action. 'Stop' is very important here, I've seen advice packs and websites where people are told 'you can kill yourself later if you still feel it's the right thing, but let's make it a rational and planned decision then, not an immediate response to pain...'

It's essential to realise that someone who is going to kill themself feels they have narrowing options or no other options.

But- people can and do live with and manage pain.

I have spoken to many people who considered or attempted suicide and I never heard anyone say 'I wish I had succeeded'- far from being the 'cry for help' it was for the person a realisation that they did not really want to die or to end their life- just the pain.

The best thing you can do is spend time with them, even if that means just sitting with them.

absolutely. We are very solution-orientated, but most times a person needs to work out their own solution- all we can do is give them tools; sometimes there are no solutions; all we can do is be consistently there as they go through it.

I would like to see education on suicide so that where people feel they must do it ( and I absolutely believe it is a right if someone really cannot go on, as in some situations )
it is done thoughtfully, appropriately, and safely.

it is often a lifelong struggle against giving into the temptation

yes, Sunblue, that is my experience too. I always know my illness is getting worse when I start to have suicidal thoughts, but I only said this morning- the illness does not go away. I am stuck with some aspects of it forever. Part of that is unusual thought patterns which repeat again and again; I have learned to stand outside of them and not act on them or even share them any more, but they are still there, will probably always be part of my makeup.

I had a friend who decided she could not live with that- her pain was physical and debilitating and she thought her family needed to be without the burden of caring for her....she took many pills and her kids found her. What a trauma for them, and the rest of the family. I don't think we are always very enlightened about how to help people who cannot live in their situation end their lives peaceably and without shocking and hurting others.

But most people would not commit suicide I am certain if they realised what an assault it is on their loved ones and community- most people's values prohibit them from hurting others.

At my worst psychosis I think that's why I did not kill myself and stopped putting myself in danger- I was crossing a line where other people were going to be badly affected and I just couldn't do that. But I had worked with people affected by the issue and knew all the effects it has and the lasting trauma....I don't think everyone is aware of all that, it's treated too much as a private issue now, in the way things always seem to swing from one extreme to another.

~W