Hi Littlejo

[Juno]

I just read your story and it sounds like you have found the right place.  I've been here off and on for two years I think.  It has helped quite a bit and I hope it helps you as well. Welcome!

[Hopalong]

Littlejo, welcome!

Brave of you to write your story and a compelling one it is.

I am glad you're here, where there are so many wise minds to help you make sense of it.
Your work in your 3-D life can be greatly strengthened by the understanding here.

Good for you for taking this risk and working so hard.

Hopalong

[Ami]

Dear Littlejo
 The "good news" is you belong ,and the "bad news" is you belong(lol). .
 My M does "doozy" things,just as yours does. My life did not make sense, as yours didn't.
  I like the left hand turns  My family has quirks like that.
 My GM would not go on the down escalator, but could go on the up.
 I hope you stay ,Littlejo.
 I think you could help us and vice--versa.        Love to you,  Ami
 

[Leah]

Warm Welcome - Littlejo,

"Well Done" for bravely stepping out and writing your heartfelt life story.

Truly, you are not alone here - glad you have joined with us.

Love, Leah

[sKePTiKal]

Hi there!

How are you today? Sounds like it was kinda hard to write your story - but you did really well!
Your mom sounds like a real trip! We can add her to our Mothers Hall of Infamy, if you like... actually I guess we need to start one!! 

Sounds like she puts you the wringer, on a regular basis. And you sure don't deserve that...

[lostkitten]

Hi Littlejo and welcome!

I am new here also, but I feel I have found home in this forum. I hope you feel safe here as I do.

To me it seems you made the right choice by driving away leaving your M standing there. If your mother is a malignant narcissist your children will need to be protected from her according to a lot that I have read. One of the biggest regrets that I have is what my NM has had the chance to do to my kids, and how she has tried to ruin our relationships, and use them to hurt me.

Bless you and welcome ((((Littlejo))))

[Ami]

Dear Littlejo
 I don't know much about Xanax. I just want to acknowlege that I read your post.  I am not sure about medication,but wanted to say that I heard your question.        Love to you,  Ami

[Juno]

Was just reading your most recent post.  I kind of know what you mean.  The thoughts take a different form for me, different specifics.  But I recognize that feeling of maybe other people just don't want to deal with it.  Flawed or something.  The fragility of what one has managed to achieve in spite of the obstacles.  Feelings that don't make sense.  I find it frustrating and  distracting myself.

I think there are many kinds of depression.  Probably more than have been named by experts.  I have experienced several of them. 

I think it's okay to just go kind of easy on yourself for now.  This is the discovery and learning stage.

[littlejo]

Hi everyone!


thanks for your replies, I appreciate it.  I am not going "down" without a fight though! on this terrible road of realization and self discovery I am determined to come out in living color. No more sepia tones. I am ready to shake off old thought systems and behaviors and replenish!



jo

[Ami]

Dear Littlejo
 I just read your entries. I want to say that you sound"normal" with an abnormal environment,mother.
 There is just so much that a human can take without twisting . That is what I see you doing, twisting to try to fit your experience in to some form that you can understand.
 The Alice Miller website and the board have helped. The board allows you to express those deep feelings, as you have. You are "normal" here, for whatever that is worth(LOL)
 You belong and we all try to help each other. There will be people who have similar experiences and you will not feel so alone.
 Keep sharing .You express yourself so well and I, for one ,understand.   Love   Ami

(((((((Littlejo)))))))

[Juno]

I am sitting here with no idea what I even like to do, what music I like to hear, nothing.  I am completely boring human who is in her mid 30's and extremely lonely somehow.


LOL, I've been pretty disappointed lately to discover that I turned out to be kind of boring..... hopefully I'm only boring because I'm not done yet with finding me.  And I was thinking after I read your post that the loneliness is related to the loss of self.  I had an English teacher once who reminded, me after reading one of my essays, that alone is not the same as lonely.  And I was so annoyed with the guy.  I already knew that.  It was loneliness inside that probably led to my being alone so much.  But at 16 I didn't know how to put it.  I just felt kind of dismissed.  Maybe he didn't know how to put it either.  He did try to reach me, which seemed rare in those days.  But I guess I wasn't ready then.