N sighting

[alone48]

I had mentioned this on another thread, but I feel like sometimes I try to make other threads about myself (the N in me) so I thought I would start this seperately.

For those of you who have been with me the six months or so, you know there has been no contact with N. He totally wiped me out as if I didn't exist. Even when I made the mistake of texting at Xmas. Well, I had gotten to the point where I could go for quite awhile without thinking of him. Now my daughter tells me she thought she saw him in our neighborhood last week. I don't think he will do anything, but I'm really not certain. he probably went to see his aunt, which is on the way, and decided to check out if I was still around. I doubt seriously he would go out of his way to come here (about 70 miles from his house), he is not one to put himself out at all.

I really haven't been on the board much because I was getting back to my life as I knew it before N. I just wanted to share this because my friends think I am paranoid and I know that you all can understand the fear this man strikes in me.There really isn't much I can do right now, but keep a close eye out. I had let my guard down. Thanks for just being there and listening.

[Hopalong]

Hi Alone,
I understand.
I apologize, but I don't recall whether he was violent with you?

My Nbrother hasn't been, for decades, but when his bully-face showed up again, even after decades, I felt like a trembling deer in the headlights.

N is a trauma in your life, and thinking he's near must be re-traumatizing. Ordinary friends, who haven't studied all this, may not get it.

Glad you post about it here, where people do.
Stay safe, please update us.

love,
Hops

[alone48]

Hops,

Thanks for the understanding. No he never was violent, it was more verbal, but he would make comments like " if someone was killed here they wouldn't find their body until spring" (we were in the mountains fishing) It was more intimidation on his part. He does carry a gun with him at all times, but I think he's more afraid of going to jail than anything...?

[Ami]

Dear Alone,
  Those comments are scary. I had a friend,who used to make those comments(not directed at me) BUT they were still scary. I remember driving to church(lol) with him, in a wooded area and having tinges of fear about me, ending up,on the side of the road.
 He would say,"I could kill s/one at night, and forget about it by the morning"--bleh
 Alone, I think that if you have fear,it IS there for a reason, and you should honor it, rather than discredit it(.Do you have a dog?Even though I have a little one ,now, she gives me comfort, as a watch dog.)
 How many times could  we have been spared heartache and pain, if we would have only listened to our "guts". For me, probably ,millions.                           Love,  Ami

[Certain Hope]

((((((((Alone))))))))) It's creepy to me, too. His remarks to you were meant to create fear... and I just hope he's only an old blowhard. For the most part, I think that's what my ex is... although he'd love it if I was still living in fear of him.

After 4 years, we still get the occasional sighting. For awhile, he'd leave little signs right here on our property... but now it's just his vehicle on the road nearby, randomly (he has an aunt in the area, too!)

The effects of all this will wear off, Alone. When it happens now, I still want to tell my friends here... (and I did, last month - on the anniversary of his being extracted from our home by the law)...
but it doesn't eat away at me for days/weeks afterward.
Just wanted you to know that - - it  does get easier.

Love,
Carolyn

[Leah]

Dear Alone,

I understand, with sincere empathy.

Eventually, truly, it does fade from alertness.

As I shared with you on the other thread you mention, my exNH travels some distance to sit outside the last house in which we lived.  Some would say "so what?" -- because they know not of what he is like, and also, they know not of the reality of his behavioral traits.  So long as he is at a distance, I can know, from a distance, and feel quite safe.  With peace in my heart.

This comes in time.

Sincerely wish for peace in your heart dear Alone,

love, Leah


PS >  I shared the above, as you have mentioned that he was not violent -- if you had concerns of violence from him -- or at present, have any concerns of any possibility of violence from him -- then that is altogether different -- and in that case, it may be wise to inform the authorities, to have it recorded on file at the very least, in awareness, and also, to receive advice and guidance with regard to their formal procedures, as is appropriate.