Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Resistance is ...futile(?)
les:
Thanks Seeker... that's just it - GRABBING what they want. I get hung up on the SHE NEEDS IT part so try to ignore the grabbing but it always gets me in emotional hot water.
Exactly! about the woman being dead for two days!!! I've tried to understand the anxiety here. I suppose if you were lying on the floor in a semi-conscious state for 2 days that would be awful but I don't think that was the case. Maybe I'll get my mother a panic button or something only to be used when lying on the floor! Even now at 54 I think, hell I've had a life, if I collapsed and died I think I could handle it!
Had a good LOL moment reading the title of the book!
For now I guess I'm stuck. I should have gathered the children and made a dash for the coast years ago like my sister did but I'm here holding this big baby. More resolved then ever to find a retirement home for queens and princesses and big babies.
Thanks for taking the time Seeker. I always appreciate reading your posts and replies.
In a huggy mood tonight so sending a hug your way.
Les
Anonymous:
les,
There are times when we have to bite the bullet and take care of an elderly N against our wishes. I've been there. BUT....is this one of those times....??? I'm not sure. Ignore meddling old bats who tell you what to do, and do what you think is right. If you aren't sure, ask a respected friend. That's what I do. A woman friend of mine tells me what the right thing is when I'm not sure.
bunny
les:
I guess it really is one of those times Bunny and rightly or wrongly it has been "the time" for years. It has been difficult to really know what's enough. I can't withdraw my services, my mother actually IS old now, but I do want to leave some breathing room for me.
I spoke to her today about getting a panic button (for her!) It triggered a tremendously honest discussion, where she admitted among other things that she has used her "pathetic, poor me" self (demonstrated with much pouting, giggling, posturing and batting of eyelashes) over the decades to get what she wants. It was quite shocking...of course still all about her! I didn't think she was capable of such honesty or insight.
She is seeing things a little differently lately and is almost taking a small bit of ownership for the terrible mess. She has learned that she can blame it all on being raised "the 100% perfect baby" so it's not her fault at all! She adores talking about herself and she initiated a discussion about why she is the way she is. She wondered why she "feeds" (her word) on other people and needs constant attention. She totally fascinates herself. I was able to say that "your baby Daughter") me, can't provide it all and perhaps she would find some of what she's looking for in a retirement home (nice segue I thought)
She admitted that the woman who had the stroke wasn't actually lying on the floor conscious for 2 days. ..funny there was a feeling of -Look at me NOW, I can do HONEST with such skill and CHARM..
Anyway thanks Bunny. I think I started to bite the bullet way too soon, 20, 30 years ago when she was "old" and sometimes my jaw gets sore. I don't think I can trust the - Look at me I'm HONEST MOTHER - but it WAS interesting. I need a drink actually.
Les
Anonymous:
Les,
I should've been clearer. I meant to refer ONLY to phoning her every day to see how she was. I am questioning whether this is one of those 'bite the bullet' issues. And I didn't think it sounded like one. Sure, some other old lady thought it was. But who cares what she thinks.
I think you've probably given far too much time to your mother. Her health doesn't require hours of listening to her bs.
bunny
mighty mouse:
Hi Les,
you wrote:
I didn't think she was capable of such honesty or insight
Please don't make too much of this. My sister has admitted that she knows she is terribly selfish. She has some insight...but there is no action to follow it up. To me insight without action is useless.
And these people are NOT stupid people. They are cognitively impaired but definately not dumb. There is some weird disconnect. I bet your Mom is quite intelligent? My sister is extremely intelligent. And to answer your question of if she still gets to me? Nope. I have cut her off at all passes and ignore her like the stalker she is. It took a long time to get to this point. I don't say this glibly. We used to be close (sic). Of course that was before I knew that the only person in the relationship was really her.
Anyway, it's hot down here as you already imagined. But I'm hangin' in there. Thanks for asking.
MM
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