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Resistance is ...futile(?)

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les:
Ah, I see Bunny.  Actually we did a little negotiating around daily calls - and although desirable from her point of view, not actually necessary.

MM - right! After hearing about all this my husband's comment was, "yes but will anything change?"  Remains to be seen. Interesting point - insight without any change.  If whining and blaming "works" why change? So I need to be resolved that "clear respectful communication" without "attachments" and sub-texts is the only thing that works. (I more or less told her this yesterday.) so I need to keep changing...oh!   :idea:

MM, Bunny, do you feel that you are in a post-N state of sorts? The N's are all there but you've got the formula down and can protect yourself fairly easily now without going through the old emotional gyrations?  

Thanks again - every day I am well, amazed that such a source of sage advice is right at our fingertips.

Les

les:
MM - just about your sister.. I don't know ...yes, she went to Harvard and so forth but and don't take this too hard (as I think you said in your post to me)  not sure what I'm driving at here so should quiet my fingers while I type but they just keep going...maybe suffice it to say that your sister has a very intelligent sister as well. But you must already know that. right!? or do you resist that notion. Hmmm...

Les

bunny:

--- Quote from: les ---Do you feel that you are in a post-N state of sorts? The N's are all there but you've got the formula down and can protect yourself fairly easily now without going through the old emotional gyrations?
--- End quote ---


Pretty much. They can still get to me, but only for a few minutes. And I'm on meds and see a therapist -- I couldn't deal with Ns without them.

bunny

mighty mouse:
Hi Les,

you asked:

maybe suffice it to say that your sister has a very intelligent sister as well. But you must already know that. right!? or do you resist that notion. Hmmm...

No, I don't resist it at all. I'm brilliant...lol. Just kidding. I think I am intelligent...not up there with the mensa types. But then there are all sorts of ways of being intelligent.

As for your questions about Ns (same as Bunnys above), I have it better than most people here. I am not so brave or wonderful in that both of my Ns are far away and I truly do not have to deal with them on a day to day basis. Nor is my Nmom so old (75) that I have to worry about her "kicking" anytime soon. And add to that fact I have 7 other siblings that buffer things.

But I have done a lot of inside work to get to where I am now and feel proud of that. Ns really don't make me crumple up in a ball (used to be contact would make my blood pressure go really high and I'd get a bad headache). Not any more. Whew!!!!!!!!!! It was all because of acceptance. I can't stress that enough.

MM

les:
I feel like I am screaming up the learning curve as they say.  I think I get what you mean about "acceptance" but if you would care to elaborate that would be great.

BTW I think"Somebody" needed a wake up smack and you delivered it. I am trying to understand why people from such traumatic childhoods are so anethestized, so passive. It's such familiar territory. Some fight, some give up and call it something else.  I think working on "forgiveness" could be just as much about stuffing it all away.  

There is much more that I would like to say about all this but as I conveyed in my post it stirs us all at the deepest level of repulsion.  

So MM -a piece of my new understanding about losing my voice - I couldn't see or speak the truth.  It is coming out now.. some with my mother..the hideous stuff...alluded to sideways but still acknowledged. .I'm wiped out.

Les
What a thing to talk about with anyone...but there it is...

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