Re: Darren's story - Emotional Abuse

[Anonymous]

Hi Darren,

I know this response is not helpful, but my reaction was:
"Wow, how did you survive?"  I can't even imagine living through that.  I hope that therapy has helped you to get beyond your nightmarish childhood. 

Too bad that there is no qualification process before someone can become a parent - like a test for mental illness, addictions, or other damaging behaviour.  It's interesting that you have to pass serious muster to adopt a child, and pass a test to do so many other things. but any troubled person can have a baby, and there's nothing the baby can do about it.  It's tragic!

Good luck.
Anon. 

[darren]

Hi Darren,

I know this response is not helpful, but my reaction was:
"Wow, how did you survive?"  I can't even imagine living through that.  I hope that therapy has helped you to get beyond your nightmarish childhood. 

Too bad that there is no qualification process before someone can become a parent - like a test for mental illness, addictions, or other damaging behaviour.  It's interesting that you have to pass serious muster to adopt a child, and pass a test to do so many other things. but any troubled person can have a baby, and there's nothing the baby can do about it.  It's tragic!

Good luck.
Anon. 

Thanks for the response, they are always helpful as I don't receive much support at all.  I've only invested two days in therapy and that was pretty long ago.  I'm not so sure I actually survived it all, I feel pretty damaged. 

[Ami]

(((((((((((Darren))))))))))))))))))    Sending you hugs, Darren!                  Warmly,  Ami

[axa]

Darren,

I read your story this morning and felt so sad.  It reminded me very much of my own up bringing.  I note that you are not in therapy I suggest you get a good therapist.  It sounds to me that having your story witnessed by an empathic and caring person could be of benefit to you.  I understand the need to withdraw, you have been taught the world is not a safe place, so was I but I have learned over time that there are safe people and it is possible to be in the world and take care of yourself. 

I am sorry about your relationship, part of me doubts that someone with antisocial personality disorder could have been in a relationship, no matter how difficult that relationship was.  I  hear compassion in your voice.  Please post here, looking forward to hearing from you.

axa

[darren]

(((((((((((Darren))))))))))))))))))    Sending you hugs, Darren!                  Warmly,  Ami

Thanks, Ami!  It helps a lot to be heard and get some sympathy!

Darren,

I read your story this morning and felt so sad.  It reminded me very much of my own up bringing.  I note that you are not in therapy I suggest you get a good therapist.  It sounds to me that having your story witnessed by an empathic and caring person could be of benefit to you.  I understand the need to withdraw, you have been taught the world is not a safe place, so was I but I have learned over time that there are safe people and it is possible to be in the world and take care of yourself. 

I am sorry about your relationship, part of me doubts that someone with antisocial personality disorder could have been in a relationship, no matter how difficult that relationship was.  I  hear compassion in your voice.  Please post here, looking forward to hearing from you.

axa

Thanks for listening, axa, and sorry it made you sad.  I should finish off my story with some of my accomplishments and positive things.  I have made some strides.  There's a part of me avoiding therapy and medication, and also financially its not something I can afford at the moment.  I'm sure seeing a therapist would do me a world of good.  I was stuck without a voice for a very long time, but I have slowly been telling my story.  A lot of people don't understand mental disorders and just don't believe that people can do some of the things they do, but I have found a couple of willing ears who do understand.  Being so withdrawn makes it hard to bounce my thought off of people and receive validation, and I need to expand on it more. 

As for my past relationship, I really don't know what label should be placed, but I do recognize things were seriously wrong.  From what I've read of Narcissistic Personality Disorder she fit it too a tee, and because of the self harm and other issues it sounds a lot like Borderline.  At times, there was a Bipolar aspect.  The therapist I talked to agreed with me that it sounded like a lot of Borderline behaviors.  On days when I'm extra resentful, I often think of her as a psychopath.  You are right when you say you don't think its possible for them to be in or have a relationship, at least mine wasn't.  However, I think she wanted to prove to everybody otherwise and wanted to pretend she could be... to be normal.  Part of me was in denial.  I do have compassion for her, and I feel sorry for her.  She's disordered and couldn't really help her behaviors or how she saw the world.  I wanted to help her but it never really worked out. 

Thanks for having me aboard everybody...

[Ami]

Darren
  You sound like you have a "core" of health, to me. You sound like if you can just go within and keep facing the truth, that you can emerge,and be well.
 I don't have a therapist. I have a counselor ,now, but she calls herself a 'minister. It does help to have a person, who has good sense ,to talk to.Ann has helped me b/c she has life wisdom, and that is really what I need.
Anyway, just wanted to say that I care and I am listening, Darren.                  Warmly,  Ami

[darren]

Thanks for caring and listening, Ami!  I agree, I do have something to work with.  I've overcome plenty so I do have faith I can overcome almost anything if I put my mind to it.  I just wish it was easier, and perhaps came with an instruction book to get it done. 

[Ami]

IF you find the instruction book, I want one, too!!!!!!
I feel that it is very hard,too, Darren.   
keep sharing, Darren. Don't be a stranger.            Warmly,  Ami

[darren]

Thanks again, Ami.  I have a feeling I'm going to have to write the instruction manual myself when I figure it all out, but I'll pass it along.  I think I'm all shared out now, but I wont be a stranger... sharing takes lots of energy! 

[Ami]

Well Darren,give me a signed copy when you have it done.(lol)            Love and Kind Wishes ,   Ami

[Ami]

Thinking of you, today, Darren ! How are things going for you, friend?                               Warmly,   Ami

[darren]

Thinking of you, today, Darren ! How are things going for you, friend?                               Warmly,   Ami

I've been having some bouts of depression lately, which is different than the normal melancholy I feel.  It tends to make me feel anxious when I'm feeling things I'm not used to feeling.  But like was mentioned in another, I see it as an opportunity.  I'm used to not feeling much at all, so thats probably a good time to face it and explore it and deal with it.  I have this theory that my emotions tend to be really repressed and I kinda fight to keep them at bay.  I think when I learn to stop doing that I'll be okay.  That depression has left for the time being though, maybe because I'm keeping so busy at work.  I probably need a hobby. 

[Ami]

I am sorry, Darren,but it strikes me funny that you may need a hobby. We ,always, want to run away from ourselves. *I* am RIGHT there,right now. Finally,I have to look within,inner space, URGGGH. I am afraid. I don't want to,but I know my freedom is there .
 We can start threads on "Looking in Inner Space" as we go forward. I know another board member who is doing the exact same thing.
  Keep your chin up, Sweetie.                         Warmly   Ami

[darren]

Inner space can be quite scary.  I remember when all this started for me a few years ago, it was like waking up from a dream.  I don't think I had ever taken a look at myself, and when I did it hit me like a brick.  I was surprised at all the things my brain had kept out of my awareness.  I don't know how its even possible, but I was oblivious to all that had happened to me.  I think I deluded myself into thinking I was strong and tough and made it all through without a scratch and didn't see how it all had effected me.  I'm much smarter now, just growing up a little late I suppose.     

[Ami]

Growing up a little late---URRGGGHH!!!  Me ,too(lol)                           Love to you,   Ami


((((((((((Darren))))))))))))