Can't Make a Mistake

[hardtotrust]

LOL, thank you, Ami.

Was just sitting here thinking... so what was I designed to be, then?
A lonely fake, like her? That's a sort of monster, I suppose.

Lilo and Stitch is one I've not seen, but I will now.

Why was she afraid of you? Because she could not control you?

You were designed to be God's best creation.

But the early programming... How can you change it? I have been trying... Some results, but not what I expected.

I don't think we were designed to be monsters, but they made us feel like it. Shame is contagious (Shame & Guilt - Jane Middelton-Moz).

If you watch the movie, the quoted scenes above will become clearer.
 
Yes, she was/is always afraid to lose control, not only of me, but the whole situation (meaning, the official version that she was the victim). She doesn't like to be questioned, thinks she was a perfect mother, my father was THE problem.

Thank you, Carolyn

[Certain Hope]

I'll watch it this weekend, hardtotrust... thank you. Feels like there's more to grasp here than I'm able, right now.

But yes, I do see that shame is contagious... really, just like a virus. And if we "caught" it before we had words to express... that makes it even tougher to dig out and expose to the light. Claiming a new identity by faith is really only the beginning. Working it out is another matter entirely.

Also I completely understand the business of your mother's "official version". Same here... Dad is cast in the bumbling idiot role... as long as I can remember. And he willingly plays along... to a point... taking his frustration out in various forms, including drinking, and - in the past - by belittling me. I'm able to question him somewha... and I remember once, long ago, he mumbled something about not having been the greatest father, so I guess he has some awareness... but her? Like a rock.

Again, really appreciating your posts.

Carolyn

[Ami]

Dear Hardto trust,
 It is great having a new voice to add to our dialogue!                                               
                                                                                                                                     

[ann3]

We have been fighting to prove this our whole lives. And every single time we fail, it is like they were right. And if they were right it means we are as worthless as they made us feel.

We know in our minds intellectually that this is a lie.  We know in our minds intellectually that no one is perfect, so we don't have to be perfect and in fact cannot be perfect.  Perfectionism is a symptom of the disease-  (See The Drama of the Gifted Child: The Search for the True Self by Alice Miller and so many other books and writings on this subject)

So, now, we have to accept into our hearts and souls that we do not have to be perfect.  Once we accept this in our hearts, then we can learn to love ourselves and then we will feel less pain.

[Ami]

Dear Ann
  The KEY is accepting that we don't have to be perfect in to our hearts and souls, beyond our heads. For me, I need to get these deep truths in to my heart and soul. You are so right about that.Thanks for your post, Ann.                                                                                   Love to you,  Ami