Newbie

[Somebody]

Sorry guest- I began the thread and that "scenario change" to change the focus from the topic I began my thread with has been brought about by others.  Nice try though.

So what you are saying then is, that if I ask someone to please not be insulted by my words, because, by the way, I'm trying to spare their feelings and trying really hard to let them know that I mean no harm, or to cause them any insult or disrespect, that by asking that question, you are saying that I am taking away their free will?  So now they have no choice but to listen to me?  My voice penetrates their very being and somehow takes control of them and forces a decision because I asked that question?

Nope.  Sorry again.  By asking a question (or otherwise saying, no insult intended),  I am giving you the choice to answer it or not, accept the idea or not, hear me or not.

Nice try again, guest.  By asking a question, I am giving that person information and they maintain their free will.  I am helping to define their choices for them, so they won't miss the choice to decide not to be insulted, because I have pointed out the fact that I am trying not to hurt them, because I want to be sure they understand my intentions, rather than make an incorrect assumption and possibly choose to be insulted, rather than spoken to with respect, as I am trying to help them understand.

So you think then, that I have endorsed sexual abuse and that I believe it is an ok thing then??  Alrighty, go back to the doc and get your lenses adjusted because that is not at all what I have stated or what I believe.  This is meant in jest (the get your lenses fixed part), just for the record.
Nope, I won't accept your assumption or your incorrect judgement, but keep trying, if you really want to.  That's your choice.

The real issue here, folks, is control.  A desire to control my thread.  A desire to change the focus of it.  A desire to define me as something I am not.  A desire to control my definition of my beliefs, my morals, my thoughts, etc.  A desire to insult, degrade, belittle, etc and otherwise punish me.  A control issue.  The real issue here is...

Control.


Sorry to let you know it plainly, I don't mean to hurt your feelings.  I won't allow you to keep changing the topic back to what you want just because you think you have that right.  I have a right to speak and I see your desire to stop me from doing that and I see your desire to control what we talk about here and I see your desire to force me to focus on what you want me to focus on.  I understand that this is something you may not be aware of and I really mean it when I say I have no intention of hurting you.

No insult meant.  Simply pointing out the truth.  Sorry to hurt your feelings if I did so.

[Anonymous]

Hi Somebody, I read your very long post with interest. I can see you've spent a lot of time into trying to present a 'scenario change' to change the focus of the thread away from you and your H, which I agree needs changing. You seem to want it to focus on correcting Portia. I think that's your choice and voice. But I also have choice and voice. And I just wanted to comment on a couple of your comments, if that's okay.

Somebody said

Please do not be insulted.

But surely that's the person's choice. Can you allow them choice and free will please?  

Then Somebody said

Swearing is verbal abuse.  

And the same goes for sexual abuse of children, or don't you think so? It is sexual abuse. But that doesn't seem to concern you as much as being sworn at. Let's not mince words. Your H is a predator of your children, while he was sleeping with you. And you've sided with him. Your sister realises this.

Then Somebody said

You cannot redefine verbal abuse to suit your needs.

Then by the same standard, you cannnot redifine sexual abuse of children to suit your needs.

Then Somebody said

If swearing were not deemed so, then we would all be happily raising our kids by constantly swearing at them, and our teachers would have gone to great ends to teach us the most descriptive ways of using and the correct way of spelling -our swear words.  (Can you picture that?  What fun that would be eh?).

Likewise, if sexual abuse of children were not deemed inappropriate, then we'd all happily raise our children to be constantly sexually abused, and our teachers would go to great ends to teach children how to have appropriate sex with their step-fathers, and how to make sure that when they do, that their little vaginas don't tear all the way up to their rectums, so as to need stitches. Or as in little boys, that their anuses don't split so wide open, needing major surgery. Teachers would tell them how to do it so as not to cause injury. Can you picture that?What fun would that be eh?

The type of injury, just physical injury alone that no doubt your H would have happily inflicted if your child had agreed? Or did he just want a head job? In which case that's okay then, and I have no problem that. NOT!  

Obviously swearing is the real issue here folks.

[longtimelurker]

attractive - like a car crash.

I almost got drawn in again



I feel that it was my post that and the discussion between portia and myself that changed the direction of the thread -just noticed somebodys post and she's quite capable of speaking up for herself - guest has made a of assumptions here. I wonder if you go around speaking to people in your everyday life and speaking about them in the same way you have demonstrated on the board. Perhaps we have been selected for special treatment.

 
classic manipulation tactics, that's all it is.

Cut, paste and twist.

[Anonymous]

attractive - like a car crash.

I've trained myself to look away from real car crashes. I don't need any more disturbing images of mangled bodies in my head.

she's quite capable of speaking up for herself

Who? Somebody or me? I'm not. I didn't see what Guest pointed out. But I see it now.

- guest has made a of assumptions here.

How come? I don't get this.

I wonder if you go around speaking to people in your everyday life and speaking about them in the same way you have demonstrated on the board.

Shame shame shame. You you you.

Perhaps we have been selected for special treatment.

You should be so lucky!

classic manipulation tactics, that's all it is.

What, truth-telling?

Cut, paste and twist.

Cut paste and quote and ask questions. I know, I'm just too curious and enquiring for my own good. That's my trouble. But note that I'm scared of Somebody. Too scared to address her directly here. Yeah. P

[Anonymous]

Hi Somebody, I read your very long post with interest. I can see you've spent a lot of time into trying to present a 'scenario change' to change the focus of the thread away from you and your H, which I agree needs changing. You seem to want it to focus on correcting Portia. I think that's your choice and voice. But I also have choice and voice. And I just wanted to comment on a couple of your comments, if that's okay.

Somebody said

Please do not be insulted.

But surely that's the person's choice. Can you allow them choice and free will please?  

Then Somebody said

Swearing is verbal abuse.  

And the same goes for sexual abuse of children, or don't you think so? It is sexual abuse. But that doesn't seem to concern you as much as being sworn at. Let's not mince words. Your H is a predator of your children, while he was sleeping with you. And you've sided with him. Your sister realises this.

Then Somebody said

You cannot redefine verbal abuse to suit your needs.

Then by the same standard, you cannnot redifine sexual abuse of children to suit your needs.

Then Somebody said

If swearing were not deemed so, then we would all be happily raising our kids by constantly swearing at them, and our teachers would have gone to great ends to teach us the most descriptive ways of using and the correct way of spelling -our swear words.  (Can you picture that?  What fun that would be eh?).

Likewise, if sexual abuse of children were not deemed inappropriate, then we'd all happily raise our children to be constantly sexually abused, and our teachers would go to great ends to teach children how to have appropriate sex with their step-fathers, and how to make sure that when they do, that their little vaginas don't tear all the way up to their rectums, so as to need stitches. Or as in little boys, that their anuses don't split so wide open, needing major surgery. Teachers would tell them how to do it so as not to cause injury. Can you picture that?What fun would that be eh?

The type of injury, just physical injury alone that no doubt your H would have happily inflicted if your child had agreed? Or did he just want a head job? In which case that's okay then, and I have no problem that. NOT!  

Obviously swearing is the real issue here folks.

[Somebody]

The second issue is blame.

Blame me for causing an emotionally explosive thread, when it was not I who became emotionally explosive.

Blame me for P's behaviour.

Blame me for all that's happened in my family.

Blame, blame, blame.

Blame me.  Try to make me take responsibility for other people's behaviour.   Try to make me feel really bad.  Try to infuse me with guilt and shame and try to hurt me and punish me.  Control.

Seems clear to me.

Sorry, I won't take the blame for other people's behaviour and I won't give in to your control issues.

That's how I survived growing up in such a house of horrors.

I'm so darn obstinate and I really do try to understand people's feelings and behaviour.

I understand that many here may have experienced this problem of people trying to control them and blame them and otherwise make them feel really bad.

I understand that some of those people who did that may have been sucessful in controlling (wish I could spell) you and caused you great harm.

I'm so sorry for that and I'm sorry that you learned to behave like that.

I did not.
I wouldn't allow it, for some reason, I don't know why.
I stuck to my guns.
I kept my initial attitude:

"I'm not going to let these idiots drive me bananas".

I still have that attittude.

I am sorry, I am not saying that you are idiots.  Absolutely not.  You are intelligent, and I bet, very good people.

I am explaining that it was my attitude that helped me through the trauma I have experienced and it is my attitude that will not change.

Attitude is everything.

I started this thread and I started it with my topic of choice.

Please allow me my choice and free will please?

[Portia]

But not too scared to log back in. That was in fact me above, about 2 posts ago, in case anyone should wonder. P

[Anonymous]

Hi Somebody, I read your very long post with interest. I can see you've spent a lot of time into trying to present a 'scenario change' to change the focus of the thread away from you and your H, which I agree needs changing. You seem to want it to focus on correcting Portia. I think that's your choice and voice. But I also have choice and voice. And I just wanted to comment on a couple of your comments, if that's okay.

Somebody said

Please do not be insulted.

But surely that's the person's choice. Can you allow them choice and free will please?  

Then Somebody said

Swearing is verbal abuse.  

And the same goes for sexual abuse of children, or don't you think so? It is sexual abuse. But that doesn't seem to concern you as much as being sworn at. Let's not mince words. Your H is a predator of your children, while he was sleeping with you. And you've sided with him. Your sister realises this.

Then Somebody said

You cannot redefine verbal abuse to suit your needs.

Then by the same standard, you cannnot redifine sexual abuse of children to suit your needs.

Then Somebody said

If swearing were not deemed so, then we would all be happily raising our kids by constantly swearing at them, and our teachers would have gone to great ends to teach us the most descriptive ways of using and the correct way of spelling -our swear words.  (Can you picture that?  What fun that would be eh?).

Likewise, if sexual abuse of children were not deemed inappropriate, then we'd all happily raise our children to be constantly sexually abused, and our teachers would go to great ends to teach children how to have appropriate sex with their step-fathers, and how to make sure that when they do, that their little vaginas don't tear all the way up to their rectums, so as to need stitches. Or as in little boys, that their anuses don't split so wide open, needing major surgery. Teachers would tell them how to do it so as not to cause injury. Can you picture that?What fun would that be eh?

The type of injury, just physical injury alone that no doubt your H would have happily inflicted if your child had agreed? Or did he just want a head job? In which case that's okay then, and I have no problem that. NOT!  

Obviously swearing is the real issue here folks.

[Somebody]

See Portia?

By continuing to bump your post ahead, you are trying to force the reader now.  Trying to make sure the reader reads your post first.  Control Portia.

Control this thread.  Control which post appears first.
Control the topic.
Control the issues.
Control the picture that is portrayed.

Control Portia.

I'm so sorry, Portia.  I don't mean to hurt your feeelings and I certainly understand how hard it is to admit such a thing.

It's not easy.
It takes guts.

Just courage and honesty.

Control Portia.

I'm sorry for pointing this out.
I'm trying to be kind and I'm trying to help you see.

You are trying to force.........

[Portia]

Somebody, I just got my courage up.

Somebody, I won't let myself be scared of you any more.

Somebody, I have a serious question for you. This has been bothering me since this thread started.

Please will you tell us:

what did your husband do?

what did he 'offer'?

Will you please tell us the truth about this?

[Anonymous]

Hi Somebody, I read your very long post with interest. I can see you've spent a lot of time into trying to present a 'scenario change' to change the focus of the thread away from you and your H, which I agree needs changing. You seem to want it to focus on correcting Portia. I think that's your choice and voice. But I also have choice and voice. And I just wanted to comment on a couple of your comments, if that's okay.

Somebody said

Please do not be insulted.

But surely that's the person's choice. Can you allow them choice and free will please?  

Then Somebody said

Swearing is verbal abuse.  

And the same goes for sexual abuse of children, or don't you think so? It is sexual abuse. But that doesn't seem to concern you as much as being sworn at. Let's not mince words. Your H is a predator of your children, while he was sleeping with you. And you've sided with him. Your sister realises this.

Then Somebody said

You cannot redefine verbal abuse to suit your needs.

Then by the same standard, you cannnot redifine sexual abuse of children to suit your needs.

Then Somebody said

If swearing were not deemed so, then we would all be happily raising our kids by constantly swearing at them, and our teachers would have gone to great ends to teach us the most descriptive ways of using and the correct way of spelling -our swear words.  (Can you picture that?  What fun that would be eh?).

Likewise, if sexual abuse of children were not deemed inappropriate, then we'd all happily raise our children to be constantly sexually abused, and our teachers would go to great ends to teach children how to have appropriate sex with their step-fathers, and how to make sure that when they do, that their little vaginas don't tear all the way up to their rectums, so as to need stitches. Or as in little boys, that their anuses don't split so wide open, needing major surgery. Teachers would tell them how to do it so as not to cause injury. Can you picture that?What fun would that be eh?

The type of injury, just physical injury alone that no doubt your H would have happily inflicted if your child had agreed? Or did he just want a head job? In which case that's okay then, and I have no problem that. NOT!  

Obviously swearing is the real issue here folks.

[Portia]

That long post is not me. I am posting as P only. I am talking to you now Somebody. What did he do?

[Somebody]

Portia, I don't know where you got the idea to be "scared" of me but let me assure you, there is nothing to be scared of.

I will not answer your question Portia.

You are trying to bring the topic back to your choice Portia.
Control.

You are trying to keep the reader focussed on your thread by reposting it and reposting it and reposting it.

That's a control issue Portia.

I'm so sorry to give you this fact.

You are only fooling yourself.

Please stop for a moment and consider the possiblity that I am actually telling you the truth.

I am so sorry because I know admitting this will be embarassing and I don't want you to feel that.

It is not your fault whatever happened to you Portia.

You did not teach yourself to have a control issues.

I do not blame you Portia and I offer you language you understand (I hope).

(((((((((((((((((((P)))))))))))))))))))))

[Anonymous]

Somebody, I just got my courage up.

Somebody, I won't let myself be scared of you any more.

Somebody, I have a serious question for you. This has been bothering me since this thread started.

Please will you tell us:

what did your husband do?

what did he 'offer'?

Will you please tell us the truth about this?

Sorry ma'am, I cut you off.

[Portia]

It's okay Guest.

Somebody. I don't care right now what you say about me.

I dont care what you say about you.

What is the truth Somebody? What did he do? This is important.