Isn't it funny?

[Anika]

Isn't it funny how much power we allow them to have over us?

Why is that? Why do we tremble at the thought of their wrath? Why do we go out of our way in futile attempts to please them? Why do we even CARE about what they think of us or what they say to us?

I've been coming to this message board off and on for several years now and it's always the same thing: story after story from person after person. And the story (no matter whose it is) is always the same as my own. Just as the person (no matter what the moniker reads) is just a mirror image of myself.

Yet here I am, once again.

For those of you who don't remember me, I am the one with the N-mom who tried to help the guy and his daughter excape from his N-mom only to have him leave me pregnant to go back to her. Well, now the baby has been born and he and his N-mom are long gone. That's the good news.

I have recently returned to work. Although I have a daycare all set up, my N-mom and her "partner" insisted on watching the baby for me for the next 3 weeks. I knew it was risky to allow myself to become indebted to them in any way, but daycare is like a second mortgage and I'm not receiving any child support (by my own choosing).

So, this morning, the two of them come bubbling into my home and wisked the baby away. My N-mom acted as though NOTHING were wrong. She was just as sweet as pie to me knowing all along that a horror awaited me in the form of an evil E-mail:

It is beyond my comprehension as to how you can treat Rae (her "partner") the way  that you do!  You pretend that she doesn't exist by addressing only me,  and you Insult her by saying "She needs a Grandbaby!"  
       None of Josie's (my aunt) children would say that to one of Josie's friends..  Why do you act that way?  
       Rae has turned down invitations to be at the beach, and given you her  soul by going to your classes, and  helping you to have that baby and she stayed right by your side the entire time you were in labor...I could have never done for you what she did!!  
       Where is  your soul, child?  That must be how Patricia (my biological mother) would act because it CERTAINLY is not how anyone in my family would act!
       Do you not realize  that it has been HER  and not ME who has been keeping Arabelle? (my daughter)  My hand has been killing me and I can't lift her,  so it has been Rae who has done EVERYTHING for her!  And you ignore her and insult her!!
       You don't so much as ask her how she is doing!  Or what she has been up to!
       You come in at noon and wake the baby up just after she has gotten her to sleep then say "Here,  you're so good at getting her to sleep!"  I repeat where is your sould to treat someone the way you treat Rae?
       Are you jealous?  I think so!!  But she's not going away... and she is going to continue to keep loving you and Arabelle and so am I,  but for goodness sakes as you grow in your gentleness toward Arabelle,  please grow in your appreciation of people who do so much for you!!!
       You should thank her 1,000 times every time you are around,  ask her how she is doing, and what you can do to repay her for all that she has done for you!!    
        I sware on mother's heart that she does NOT know that I am writing you this letter, so please do not mention it to her,  but please, we are trying so hard to do all of the right things for you and for Arabelle, because we love you so much... but please,  let me see a subtle change in how you treat this person who has done, without asking for aa thanks in return,   so much for you!
       Know that I love you and that you have come SOOOOO far... but this is just one more step toward maturity that you need to take!!!
             I'll see you in the morning at 8:00.......    Mom    Poof


Well, it's nice to know that some things never change.

[bunny]

Would you reconsider accepting child support? Otherwise you're stuck with these lunatics.

bunny

[Anika]

No. Thank you for asking, though. In my attempt to help my baby's father out of an abusive relationship with HIS n-mom, I neglected to realize that sometimes the abusee is just as sick, if not sickER, than the abuser!!

When he turned his wrath onto me, I knew then that I would do anything it took to protect Arabelle from him. I have neither the time, the energy, nor the money to fight with him. He doesn't want us in his life and we don't want him in ours. Besides, one day I will meet a wonderful man who will love both of us. He will ask me to marry him and then he will adopt Arabelle.

In fact, I already have a prospect for that very scenario!

[Portia as guest]

Hi Anika:

Besides, one day I will meet a wonderful man who will love both of us. He will ask me to marry him and then he will adopt Arabelle.

In fact, I already have a prospect for that very scenario!

Are you serious here or joking? I can't tell. P

[Anika]

Oh, I'm very serious!

I met a man when I was about 8 months along. We began spending a lot of time with one another and decided to date. Keep in mind that the baby's father left the picture when I was 3 1/2 monts pregnant, so I spent the majority of my pregnancy alone.

He came to visit me when I was in the hospital. He was actually coming to see the new baby, but I hadn't delivered yet. He was so caring and supportive that I actually surprised myself by allowing him to stay in the room while I delivered...so long as he didn't look. (I'm a little modest)

He lives 50 miles away and owns his own business, but he opened late that day so that he could be with me when I delivered. Then he drove back home only to come back later that evening to surprise me!

When I hit a major spell of post pardum depression in my first week back to work, he dropped everything and drove up to be with me. I had been crying for several hours so you KNOW I wasn't looking my best. I cried myself to sleep and again when I woke up that morning. He was there to comfort and support me the entire time.

I figure any man who could want to be with a pregnant woman who was NOT carrying his child is a rare find. He didn't bat an eye about being with me through the fattest month of my life, childbirth, AND postpardum! Now, he HAS to be a good man!

I'm not going to rush this one! I have already declaired that we must date for at least a year BEFORE any type of perminant plans are talked about. However, it's looking promising. We'll just have to see. The baby's father was nice to me for a while as well so I'm not going to allow my judgement to get clouded again.

BTW, there is no father listed on the birth certificate so there should be no complications with someone adopting my daughter. Besides, I won't marry anyone who wouldn't fully adopt her as his own anyway.

LOL! When I forwarded that email to my gentleman friend this morning, he wrote back saying, "How can she afford to eat...feeding two faces!!"

[Barbie]

Hi Anika.  I pray that you do find a good, loving father for your child.  It is possible.  My daughter was just 16 when she had her first child, she has two.  The father was an 18 year old boy who wanted to control her and I had to have talks with her that it was not normal for a person to want so much control over another's life.  They met when she was 14 and he was 16 and from the very beginning, I took notice of his behavior.  My daughter is very beautiful and he wanted to isolate her, even from me, and did everything for her.  I knew this was not normal and Thank God, she listened and ended the relationship.

She was alone until my granddaughter was 3 and then she met my son-in-law who is ten years older.  They have now been together about ten years and have one daughter together.  She will be 8 in October.

He has raised my first granddaughter since she was 3 years old and he is the only father she has ever known.  I watched and listened as to his treatment of my grandbaby and saw that he learned to love her and now considers her to be his very own.  She is now 12 and loves her father very much.  Just recently, her biological father, after 6 years of silence, decided he wanted to get reacquainted but my daughter nipped that in the bud via her lawyer.  Why after all these years of not even a birthday card would he want to show his face?  I think it has to do with money because apparently, there is litigation going on where descendents of Crazy Horse will be getting some money and he probably figured he needed to re-establish communication for this reason.

My daughter said to me that this man could have my granddaughter's share and that he just needs to stay away from her.

Didn't mean to go on and on but my point is, there are good men out there, men with compassion who are willing to be a good and loving father to their stepchildren.  There are also the other kind which is why I kept an eye on things, secretly of course LOL, for a while until I was comfortable in my own mind that my SIL was good to my beloved grandchild.