Hermes

[axa]

Hi Hermes,

I read your post on What Helps section.  I am sorry you decided to leave as I felt you contributed many things which were of benefit to me.  This is not a place of peace, I think those were the words you used, they seem apt to me.  I do not understand the dynamic of what is going on and have chosen to stay out of the drama.  I don't want to leave as I still feel a need for support from a forum and have made some friends here I trust.  I do know if this was a 3d room I would have walked a long time ago.

Wishing you the best

axa

[Leah]

Re: Emotional Vampires : People who Drain you Dry

« Reply #2 on: February 20, 2008, 06:38:08 PM »   

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Dear Leah:

I just wanted to say goodbye to you as I will shortly be deleting my account here.  I have been in and out on the board when I have time in order to delete threads I opened.

Also, I wanted to somehow say to a few of the nice posters, like Axa, Ami, Overcomer, Hops, Bella, Lupita, yourself, (I am probably leaving out someone) that I appreciate them, and wish them well.   It is a tremendous pity that the board is not a place of peace.  I find it disturbing, and I do not get disturbed easily!

All the best, and take care of yourself.

Hermes



Dear Hermes,

Thank you for your kind message.

I sincerely reciprocate your good wishes.

Love, Leah




http://www.voicelessness.com/disc3//index.php?topic=7165.msg116152#msg116152

[Ami]

I know that this may get me in "hot water" with some people ,but this is my opinion..We are all different ----different needs ,desires,places in our healing.
 When I hear Axa talk about the "good old days' on the board, what *I* saw was a more "surface " type of interaction where "we", the board members were "all" good and the big ,bad N" was all bad. We spent quite a bit of time patting ourselves on the back at how we survived in spite of OR escaped the N.
  I don't see it in such "black and white" terms", if you will forgive my characterization. There IS a reason that we were with the N(except parents) . the reason is that WE are sick, either from N parents or making poor choices to chose an N(or usually both)
 I* was frustrated BEFORE!
 IF there are fights, they lead to some sort of resolution(IMO). Often people learn a great deal. Tell me one 3D place that would not be the SAME.
   Heaven would be it(IMO), not a group in 3 D.I am open for tomatoes(LOL)              Ami

PS IMO, how s/one functions on the board mirrors how they function in 3D. So, I think that the board offers us a way to learn and   mature and, thus, have our 3D life be more functional.
I think that it is a wasted opportunity for s/one to leave the board and think that  it was the board which  was the problem. There ARE very irritating and downright mean people  on the board,BUT they are right outside your door ,too. The key is to learn to function with them ,in a way, that you can retain your integrity and NOT be abused, at the same time(IMO)
  Also, it has never failed  that friends will appear ,out of nowhere, to help  me,just when I need it.

[DailyMail]

I think it's fair to say SOME people were with N's because they were sick.

It's not fair to say that of everyone who was.

N's are incredibly charming.  Their ENTIRE LIVES are about trying to figure out how to look good, sound good, act good in order to win people over.

They're masters at seduction, and when the cracks begin to show, their mastery at manipulation and coercion appears, and in MANY cases surpasses their seductiveness exponentially.

I do believe there are MANY of us who, like ANYONE else, were caught in the glittering shiny beautiful webs N's spin...and we got caught in the rollercaoster they slyly dragged us onto.

Many N's are like that guy on Dr. Phil who are overt, blunt and glaringly visible.  But MANY MORE are smart enough to know, you can't show just how manipulative you are or the people who want to manipulate will leave.

That's my opinion, based soley on my own experience.

I think it's a mistake to paint all of us with the same brush.

Some of us are only here because we realize we got run over by a Mac truck, and hell, we're broken and bleeding and in need of mending.

I know I'm  injured, I'm not "sick".

[Leah]

Dear Ami,

You have every freedom to express your opinion, it belongs to you as a person.
.... without any concern of flying tomatoes!!  LOL

Everyone and anyone's thoughts are what make them a Validated person.
I truly do appreciate your openness.

Healthy discussions can occur and do, through not agreeing with another's opinion, and much insight and gleanings can be freely exchanged, in my Non-N interactions - personal life experience.  [ we all know that N's don't  "do" ]

Love, Leah

[Overcomer]

Well, I am honored to hear I am a nice poster!!  I have to say that it is too bad that when people get into fights they flee......but I also understand because sometimes the fight just picks upon another thread and another and another.......

I think maybe some of you who have left should consider changing your name.  You stay the same to Dr. G but you can change your name.  I did it two different times.  My first name was just so obvious that if my mom stumbled across this place she would know it was me.......so I thought Overcomer brought a little anonymity.....

At least that way you could stay away from those posters who seem to dog you and never leave you alone.....

[Leah]

I think it's a mistake to paint all of us with the same brush.

Some of us are only here because we realize we got run over by a Mac truck, and hell, we're broken and bleeding and in need of mending.

I know I'm  injured, I'm not "sick".

Hi DailyMail,

I resonate as is my understanding and knowledge gleaned so far, to date.   Added to which my counsellor explained in much the same way, that I was INJURED and nothing more besides, mercifully.

That the journey to healing, recovery and restoration was a long arduous one, but, worth every painstaking step along the way.   I was also validated as a whole human being.  Therefore, I won't permit myself to be undone!  It has be a long hard journey, a lonely one at times, but worth every step along the way, in all sincerity.

Love, Leah

[Ami]

For myself, I see myself as 'sick". An N M put a terrible hurting on me and then I followed it up with an NH(maybe Nish). I know that I am sick.
 If I had gotten out of my marriage when I was still sick,I am quite sure that I would have repeated the same situation  with another person.
  I have been " underwater" since my teens. I am just coming to the surface ,now,but am not there ,yet. I have a little time to go(maybe a year), judging on my prior progress. Change is slow,for me.It is about 'unlearning" lies and distortions. It is about "reclaiming" myself as a person who can be both good and bad, not "perfect". It is about being "good enough". I need to get the shattered  pieces of myself back to the whole. I still am splintered. Only now do I feel a sense of knitting together.
 I need to be able to see life with my  OWN eyes, not my M's distorted lens. I am just doing that ,now.
 I am having many "firsts".. I am coming out of sickness to health,however ,my sickness is inside me now, NOT the N.That is how I see it.                Ami                   

[Leah]

Dear Overcomer,

I have recently been advised to do as you suggest, but, personally, I could not do that, as I would feel that I was being deceptive.

But that's just my personal view.

Also, thinking about it now, my writing style would remain the same, so therefore, how would people perceive that?  Deception?

I remain, in hope that I will be permitted to simply just BE.

But again, that's just my personal view.

The large issue is being used by someone for a purpose, which I chose to give benefit of the doubts that I had, in error, again, that just my personal experience.  Serenity helps me accept that I cannot change the person, only accept the difference, which is real.

Love, Leah

[Hopalong]

my sickness is inside me now, NOT the N

I think that's a very liberating step, Ami. Big one.

Hops

[Leah]

Not saying it's easy, just suggesting that staying aware of the fact that it is a board for disordered people to express themselves is wise.

What startled me, yesterday, or the day before, was the above statement on a thread post.  

I would feel reassured to know exactly what is the purpose of VESMB    (who exactly is the board for)

Voicelessness

Emotional Survival

I may have it wrong, but personally, Voicelessness means to me, that I was voiceless as in never being able to Voice the injuries incurred.  No-one to share with as no-one understands the reasons why.

I would sincerely value any feedback.

Grateful thanks, Leah x

[Ami]

Dear Leah,
 I see "voicelessness" as an internal "condition", for me. *I* am voiceless, whether or not I have ANY interactions with N's or "toxic" people.
  AS a result of my M, I was rendered voiceless ,as a way to survive, just as I have been in "shock" and denial,, as a way to survive Scott's death. Voicelessness  was an adaptation to "abuse". I had to "shut up  and disown myself.
  I see the board as a way to reclaim my  voice,in a relatively safe place(Hey ,as my son says, "Mom they are ONLY in the computer"lol.)
 So, for me ,Leah, *I* need healing in the form of getting my own voice back ,which I had to throw away ,in order to make sense  of my M.
 Compost what does not fit.                  Love   Ami

[Overcomer]

And Leah, I wasn't suggesting that you change your name.................you never left.  (well except for that extremely long hiatus...................but you are back......)  I am suggesting those who have fled because they do not feel safe.  They don't post - they just lurk.  For those people who do not feel safe but have some important things to say.............change your name.  Then those people who cannot stand them cannot attack the minute they get back on....................however, after awhile the same people will probably push each other's buttons and the same conflicts may arise.  But if people are smart they will just avoid those posters that they do not like...

[Leah]

I don't see anything wrong with your definition of the board, Leah. That's why we're here - to speak about our experiences.

Thank you, Amber

It is my understanding of the purpose of the board as opposed to any definition and/or issues of conflict.

It was the statement that I have quoted above which startled me, and brought me to ponder, question, as to the purpose of the board, and for whom exactly.

Thanks,

Love, Leah

[Leah]

Hi Kelly, that's correct, you did not suggest that to me, it was a couple of other members who suggested it to me, for reasons evident on the board.  I have only shared as to my personal view and reasons, why I feel that I could not do that.  Love, Leah