Hi GS,
I understand your frustration, and I'm sad that RM didn't see it too.
What I think is that this sort of jumping thought-process that made it hard for Laura to understand might have been partially related to her ADHD. She's mentioned that she has been diagnosed with this, if I recall. I was very close to a man with ADD and there would be many occasions when I felt he was stubbornly or unkindly refusing to understand something I perceived as logical or common sense.
In hindsight, I came to believe that he literally did not process logic in the same way.
It also seemed to me that CB's word "aimed" was way overinterpreted by RM. CB may have been revealing some chronic irritation at RM in that word choice, but that was hardly an outrageous or "covert" attack. Nuance is allowed in language. Any of us can find other personalities on the board that mystify or irritate us. I felt that RM seized on that and magnified it into something I don't believe is in CB's character, whether or not she "liked" RM.
RM had, to me, transparent character, and a blunt honesty. She was abrasive and direct, and I think sometimes confused. But I don't think she was manipulative. That said, I also felt that she didn't grasp nuance nor perceive her own insensitivity. I don't think it was malicious, but a combination of lack of awareness of her own ways of relating (how many times did people ask her to cool the capital-letters "yelling"?) and perhaps a lack of capacity to see herself...added up badly.
I think there's a certain amount of denial that enables folks to live in abrasive circumstances, day after day. I have much frustrated compassion for RM's life. I sensed a great desire for dignity and inclusion, that sometimes was derailed by a kind of crude denial. I do believe that RM wants a better life and feels trapped in a spiral of poverty and family dysfunction, and I wish so much better for her. I don't think her life will change as long as she looks to the Internet for validation. And she doesn't need an audience, she needs more education, a real job, and a plan.
These aren't meant to be fighting words, but I also feel that retreating into religion when challenged is sometimes an indication that the questions being posed are too much to face or try to deconstruct or tease apart. If you really can't do that--just don't have the tools or feel trapped by your circumstances--or have buried shame that prevents introspection (I often have)...then it helps to have a holy ally.
I also felt that RM's apologies and efforts to clarify her intentions and understandings, to the best of her ability, before she left...were sincere. (Kind of like Hillary's vote to authorize force in Iraq was "a sincere vote." You can be wrong, and still be sincere.)
I will miss RM. I love and admire and am lifted up by CB and for me, her departure will be temporary or I may lose what little faith I've got!
Hops
