I talked to my Aunt ,today. I told her that she is my "advisor" in mental health. She is definately the most "normal " person I know. I have a joke that aliens took her away and then,dropped her back b/c she is so different from my M . I call her when I need a "marker" on the road ,as I progress toward health.
Today, I asked her about "bad" thoughts(my favorite topic-lol).She said that ALL people have bad thoughts. It is about the desire to BE a good person, not the thoughts you have .She said "No one is perfect, Ami."Of course, I have heard this thousands of times,but this time, I really heard it. The sickness is in trying.
It sounds trite , but I think that I got it,in the heart, which is the only place it really mattters.
My M has read hundreds of books, studied hundreds of hours,gone to hundreds of hours of support groups and therapy and her sister just "knows" how to "feel" out life and is healthy b/c of it.
A few weeks ago, a thought came to me about HOW to be healthy. It was to look at yourself realistically and at life, in the same way. That is it.
I think that is the answer. Undoing the old tapes is the hard part of course,but at least I have a map and that is something. Am