Hi friends,
I've been off the board for a few weeks. Tonight I spent some time reading recent posts. sjkravill, your trembling post and the replies motivated me to write this hopeful thought.
I am divorcing an NH of 23 years. The divorce process is long, unsettling and disruptive. Really hard to deal with at times. It was January of this year that I made the decision to leave NH. I had found, for the first time, information on Narcissm. It blew me away. Jolted me. Made me sit up and take notice. From a place of fear, walking on eggshells, constant confusion.... I read the story of my life! Putting a lable and an explanation on the marrage nightmare was an amazing turning point for me. Yes, my NH had a sweet side. He was successful. He wove a story for me that told what a great father and husband he was.... and despite all the evidence to the contrary, I chose to believe him. That false belief led to a great discrepency in my life. I'm sure others can relate.... It is a very difficult situation to live in. What you hope for, what is real, what you believe... none of these line up.
In the trembling post, someone posted a link to "Loser" I read that tonight as well. My H fits that description to a T. I don't know about your H, sjkravill, but my situation got worse over time..... the signs were all there in the beginning, but I was unable/unwilling to see them. I wanted so very much to have a happy family that I did not recognize the compromises I was making.
The folks who talk about the level of complexity that shared time, children, money and assets contribute are absolutley right. Add to that increasing isolation, fear, confusion..... and leaving a marrage becomes a real challenge.
Here's the hopeful part. I have had some incredibly low points in this process... but a week or two ago, I seemed to have turned a corner. I feel so much lighter. Much more confident. I feel happy. I feel "free". This may not be a permanent "good place." Just the same, I wanted to tell you that for me, I have reached a better emotional place. I AM happier. I am more confident. The me that I gradually lost over two decades, is beginning to be refound.... and the best part... the most hopeful part.... is that I like myself! I like the me I am finding.
Everyone needs to make their decisions in their own time and in their own way. The benefit of this board is that you can learn from others wisdom. Remarkably, there is a pattern to this whole N thing.... Sure, every situation is unique, but read the board for any length of time and you see things happen over and over. I guess that's why your post put up such a red flag. Because some of us who stayed in our marrage for decades, realize the benefits of bailing much earlier.
Hope for your future,
lynn
