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Relationships while working through it all

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Ellie:
Sorry to be so long with my posts. I do not have any close friends to spill out to. H has not made having friendships pleasant in the past so I gave up a long time ago. If I talked to a friend on the phone he got mad. If I had a friend over he got aggrevated that someone was in his house. He appears to have gotten past that behavior now, but I'm not sure how to go find firnds anymore. Plus he was gone so much that I never had time to nuture a friendship. But this is no different that N parents - they ran off all of my firends! I actually had a hard time getting bridesmaids for my wedding years ago. H had 6 guys he wanted to stand up with him. I had a sister and one good firend. And that is how the wedding looked - 6 on his side - 2 on mine.

gardener:
:(  You can take the man out of the military, but not the military out of the man. From what you've written, he's not really left the life, just shifted sideways into a different uniform and office. There's something about the power they hold for so long that makes them feel they are still in charge even afterwards. There is a kind of mythical brotherhood thing going on with ex-military (they never quite leave it behind, it seems).
I stopped trying to make friends after our 8th or 9th posting. It just becomes too painful to keep saying goodbye just as you get to feel comfortable with someone. I saw many other wives go through the same, you just become disheartened after enough goodbyes.
I felt rather like a square peg in around hole....Jamming my 'corners' in to fit in with a life I'd no experience of at all and which came as a shock to the system. We Wives were referred to as W/O, which stands for wife of.... We weren't even allowed the dignity of our own full names.
H left the military 6 years ago and it feels as if I've fallen off the conveyor belt and realised I'm so much more than just a Wife of..... Now I'm back to writing and art and all the creative things I put off years ago, it takes a while to pull it all together but, Ellie, you can find your lost 'corners' too.
I came from a musical/artistic family and you can imagine how much of a culture shock it was for me to be landed in that alien world of the military.
My H was from a family where the military was their life almost.
What makes you happy? Keep writing and read back what you've said to yourself a few days later. You'll find pieces of you coming back, I'm sure.    

Hope some of this helps you feel you're not alone.   gardener.  :)

Anonymous:
Ellie,

gardener has wise words! Keep posting here as much as you want. We'll listen.

bunny

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