Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
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les:
Hi Tigerlily,
Great name!
My mother is 91 and I've been venting about her for a couple of months now on this board, reading the posts and slowly starting to feel better. Like you, I am left with the care of my mother, holding the baby so to speak and I'm hoping that a retirement home is in the near future ( if not for my mother then maybe for me! I'm tired!)
I just indulged and bought a few books from Amazon. My head clears - like taking an antihistimine or something - when I find words to explain what happened in my life. So true what Seeker said about journaling - purging the gunk. I've filled 7 notebooks. It really does help to clarify and get it out.
This may sound bizarre but I often say to myself that I am a live, breathing human being. Even with those very basic credentials I deserve fair treatment - just as a creature of this world. Sometimes I think I treat a beetle with more care than I do myself. Anyway I start from square one -all creatures deserve to be treated fairly. And then I think, oh yes that INCLUDES me. Just a thought. Stop for 10 seconds right now TigerLily and wrap your arms around yourself. I just tried it and I said some good things to myself. The afternoon sun is streaming in the window and touching me right now and and all living things. It's for all of us.... no one excluded. Same with love. Give it a go. ((((hugs)))))) to you. Les
tigerlily:
Thanks, Les and Seeker, for the suggestions. They are good ones. I appreciate the kind words.
Last evening my mother called me from the nursing home and poured it on big time. She does this every couple of months and then she is ok for a while. She complained that no one was doing anything for her, she was being neglected, no one was listening to her, etc. I feel so sorry for those workers there because I know for a fact that they run their tails off trying to please her, but that just isn't possible. I have great respect for them- I could never work there and stay sane. Anyway, she wanted me to drop everything and come up there to put her to bed because "no one was going to do it". Which is baloney. She has always had a getting-ready-for-bed ritual that takes a very long time, and now she expects them to do the same thing for her that she used to do to pamper herself. I felt guilty enough to call the nurse and talk to him. He reassured me that everything was being done for her. He actually made me laugh because he confided in me that they all call her "Queen Victoria" to each other. (Her actual name IS Victoria). It certainly fits.
I feel bad that she is old and has come to this stage in her life that things are hard for her, and I know she is being taken care of and I am doing as much as I can for her, but I still feel guilty when these episodes occur. I don't know how much of this is manipulation and how much is actual distress from being old. So she can still make me feel torn, conflicted, guilty and bad about myself.
tigerlily:
As an addendum to the previous post...I forgot the best part. When she learned I wasn't going to run right up there, she said "Well, just call that Dr. Kevorkian- I just want to die." How's that for a guilt trip?
Anonymous:
Love the guilt trip!!! That's so classic!!!
My N dad says no one in the family is to let me know if he is in the hospital or dead - he doesn't wan t me to come to him then if I will not let him control me now.
They're all so alike it is actually eerie. After you read this board for so long you can start to predict what one is going to write before you read it because the stories are so much the same.
Ellie
Anonymous:
--- Quote from: tigerlily ---As an addendum to the previous post...I forgot the best part. When she learned I wasn't going to run right up there, she said "Well, just call that Dr. Kevorkian- I just want to die." How's that for a guilt trip?
--- End quote ---
My reply would be: "We'll get him to you as soon as we can."
bunny
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