Please read with care -- sensitive topic -- Post Abortion Syndrome as a form of PTSD.
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I felt the need to speak up and talk about a different kind of post traumatic stress that made it's mark in my life in a huge way: the pain and traumatic experiences of my two abortions in my early twenties that left their mark on my soul.
However, it was not until I was in my early thirties that the pain of my abortions surfaced in the form of alcohol relapse after 10 years of sobriety as well as depression and continued anxiety. Trauma left unprocessed/unhealed becomes toxic.
It was frustrating for me because I had spent so much of my twenties in therapy and 12 step meetings really embracing the steps and working on healing my codependency.
So where was all of this depression and anxiety coming from, I wondered. I had searched for memories and tried my hardest to understand the root causes but to no avail until one day I read a book about someone's search for forgiveness for their abortion.
I thought to myself "well, I have had an abortion over 10 years ago but I feel nothing." I wondered why I did not care about forgiveness. So I met with a woman from my parrish and confided my abortions to her. She gently planted the seed that I might have some healing to do there. I was angry and I did not want to believe or think about it but at some point the need for healing became so great I was willing to at least keep an open mind and investigate.
So I started reading about Post Abortion Syndrome and the symptoms which very much resemble that of PTSD. Also, I went on a healing retreat that led me to get in touch with memories. There were so many compassionate people who were able to understand that before I victimized my child I was a victim too.
Abortion for me is the ultimate form of voicelessness for the child in the womb. My soul/self was murdered by my mom and then I did it to my children.
So if anyone is reading this and you too have experienced the trauma of abortion, you may even feel numb, which is OK. just know that there is healing and hope.
http://afterabortion.info/Resources/FGflyer.htmGabben