Escaped? Feel you suffered from PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress)????

[Anastasia]

Is there anyone on this board who has escaped from the N for some years, and recognize that, after a few years or more, they had suffered from PTSD or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder?  Or am I the only one here who recognized it as such after I had gone thru it and was starting the process of healing?  I would love to hear if anyone else has recognized this PTSD after going thru the entire process.

[Gabben]

Hi Anastasia,

I cannot begin to tell you the many times throughout my life that I have experienced PST. My childhood was traumatic, no doubt.

One instance of PST that I can recall just surfaced this past summer. I had a roommate who displayed paranoid behavior such as calling the police in the middle of the night on her roomates, when we were all sleeping, because she thought we were out to get her. It triggered memories from my mom who was extremely paranoid, especially when she drank.

For weeks I was reliving the trauma of what it is like to be a child trying to side step land mines and living on edge of never knowing when my mom would go off on me for no realistic reason.


My roommate, with the mental problems, eventually moved out and my house is peaceful and sane again. I feel for my ex-roommate and I am grateful for her because her behavior, as crazy making and stress creating as it was, was instrumental in allowing me to face and heal those old wounds. It is much better to deal with the trauma right away rather than let the wounds become toxic.

Gabben

[tayana]

Anatasia,

I never realized that I was suffering from it until I was reading a book called "Did you have controlling parents?"  There was a list of symptoms and I had every one.

My T and my doctor have not diagnosed me officially, but I have severe anxiety issues.  My T in fact told me the panic attacks would continue for some time.  It gets better slowly, and I have gotten better with almost a year's worth of therapy.

[debkor]

Anastasia,

Sure I did.  I got triggered about 2 years ago when a friend of mine was going through a  horrible marriage.  It was similar to what I went through with mine.  Not only did I understand her feelings, the crazy times, the abuse, ect., I lived it at one time. So I had a mini flash  back and there were those old scars.   

But I knew what it was and why and it passed.  I cannot live in my past but I cannot erase it either.  So ya, from tme to time I take a walk down memory lane and sometimes (those yucky feelings) I felt back then come sneaking up when I see others going through the same thing because I understand it so well.

It doesn't stay but I do get triggered sometimes.

Love
Deb

[SilverLining]

Is there anyone on this board who has escaped from the N for some years, and recognize that, after a few years or more, they had suffered from PTSD or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder?  Or am I the only one here who recognized it as such after I had gone thru it and was starting the process of healing?  I would love to hear if anyone else has recognized this PTSD after going thru the entire process.

PTSD has been one of the models I have used to understand my experience.  First it was 20 years of trauma with the FOO followed by 20 years of depression and semi conscious attempts to fill the holes left by my early experience.  It's sometimes hard to recognize the trauma because it wasn't intense incidents of abuse, but rather perpetually self absorbed day to day behavior by my parents. 

[axa]

Yes, I also experienced it................could not eat and felt totally disassociated from the world as if I was an observer but disconnected.  I used to hold myself to make sure I was real and existed it was terrible............ makes me shiver just to think about it.
axa

[Overcomer]

I am not sure what it really is.  Can someone give me some symptoms?  I know I have been depressed and angry and obsessive-but not sure if it was that bad.  tt-I guess after all this time I never knew about your sons!  poor you!  I am so sorry!

[Overcomer]

Ok I am not suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.  I am suffering from Post Traumatic Pissed Off Disorder!

[Anastasia]

It was probably about 7 years or more after I started sloooooowly getting the horrible tapes my mother placed in my head out that I realized that I had gone thru probably PTSD; however, I thought it was just me thinking that.  Then I found some articles on the computer one day, and bingo!  I wasn't making up symptoms after all with a Nparent.  I really DID go thru PTSD, and it felt like I did after I started healing.  The healing, by the way, took AGES, unfortunately.  Daily put-downs, belittling, abuse, negativity took quite awhile for me to get over.

[Overcomer]

An-I die not mean to make light of this.  I believe I am a living and breathing disorder-I am not ok.  I do not suffer from flashbacks.  I suffer from an uncertainty in my life that will not go away.  A feeling of being in a prison that there is no escape from.

[Gabben]

Please read with care -- sensitive topic -- Post Abortion Syndrome as a form of PTSD

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I felt the need to speak up and talk about a different kind of post traumatic stress that made it's mark in my life in a huge way: the pain and traumatic experiences of my two abortions in my early twenties that left their mark on my soul.

However, it was not until I was in my early thirties that the pain of my abortions surfaced  in the form of alcohol relapse after 10 years of sobriety as well as depression and continued anxiety. Trauma left unprocessed/unhealed becomes toxic.

It was frustrating for me because I had spent so much of my twenties in therapy and 12 step meetings really embracing the steps and working on healing my codependency.

So where was all of this depression and anxiety coming from, I wondered. I had searched for memories and tried my hardest to understand the root causes but to no avail until one day I read a book about someone's search for forgiveness for their abortion.

I thought to myself "well, I have had an abortion over 10 years ago but I feel nothing." I wondered why I did not care about forgiveness. So I met with a woman from my parrish and confided my abortions to her. She gently planted the seed that I might have some healing to do there. I was angry and I did not want to believe or think about it but at some point the need for healing became so great I was willing to at least keep an open mind and investigate.

So I started reading about Post Abortion Syndrome and the symptoms which very much resemble that of PTSD. Also, I went on a healing retreat that led me to get in touch with memories. There were so many compassionate people who were able to understand that before I victimized my child I was a victim too.

Abortion for me is the ultimate form of voicelessness for the child in the womb. My soul/self was murdered by my mom and then I did it to my children.

So if anyone is reading this and you too have experienced the trauma of abortion, you may even feel numb, which is OK. just know that there is healing and hope.


http://afterabortion.info/Resources/FGflyer.htm

Gabben

[hardtotrust]

After my first N girlfriend (I didn't know she was an N at the time) and I broke up, I didn't feel sad, I felt afraid of meeting her again.

After my ex broke up with me last year I was so jumpy, that when I went out with somebody I had to ask the person if my driving was OK, because the ex complained even about it (and she was the one who had an accident speeding under heavy rain). I was afraid of everything I did. Hypervigilant. I imagine her so powerful, that it is like she owns the town and I'm afraid to go anywhere, because she or someone related might be there.

Gabben, that's something very important you are sharing. ((((((Gabben)))))))

[Overcomer]

Oh that hypervigilance!  My H had me walking on eggshells-A constant nervous wreck.  Mom psyched me out for years-no thoughts were my own-none I could own because the criticism.  Afraid to do a thing without an ok-is that it?

[Certain Hope]

(((((((((((Lise)))))))))))  thank you for your courage to bring up the abortion topic. I appreciate it - and you - immensely.

And yes, I've suffered from ptsd - during my marriage to NPD-ex and for about 3 years afterward - but was unaware of what was going on for the first 2 years or so. Once I learned what was happening, it was possible to begin releasing the fear and shame and to move on. The not knowing, being kept in darkness, is what created the most helpless and hopeless feelings.

Thanks for the topic, Anastasia.

Carolyn

[finding peace]

Hi Anastasia,

Yes – I have PTSD and GAD.

I didn’t realize that I had full-blown PTSD until a short while ago.  I used to think that PTSD was for people who had suffered horrendous experiences in war (e.g., Vietnam vets) or sudden traumatic events (9-11, etc).  (Seems kinda silly now when I think of how bad my childhood was.)

I look back now and realize that I suffered with this all my life.  It is odd, the things that can trigger it now.  I hear the garage door open (used to be a signal of when my father was home and I had to brace myself), I hear my H cough downstairs (F had a chronic cough), I hear footsteps on the stairs.  And the nightmares – those are the worst, when I wake up in the middle of the night and think I am back in the house I grew up in.  Those are the worst.

(Interesting - a lot of this has to do with sound triggers - didn't realize that until I wrote it!)

Now that I realize what it for what it is, it is getting better.  In fact, so much of my life is more peaceful now that I see the past without the blinders.  Thankfully.

Peace