I wouldn't say that I'm shy or retiring type of guy. I have however noticed a distinct change in the manner in which I conduct my relationship(s) with my girl friend.
I easily become overwhelmed by her needyness. As time has gone on, I have found her insecurity very demanding and at times, to much! So much so, a very obvious cycle has developed between us. She becomes clingy over an issue; I start to withdraw. She becomes more and more intense; I withdraw further! By this time she's now ranting and raving over nothing and I'm legging it through the door.
It really will have started over a very very innocent issue....nothing serious. In ends with me being very happily away from her (we don't live together god forbid), with her eventually threatening suicide!
She had a very bad childhood and was abused sexually by a step father. She was also in and out of the care system and was generally treated badly. This I know and am sympathetic too.......to a point! But it's like falling into a spiders web.........that I never had any intention of falling into in the first place!
Now I'm trying to figure a way out of the mess I've gotten myself into. I feel compassion toward her, but I'm not prepared to live like this any longer. I've got her to see her doctor who has placed her on anti-depressants and she is also receiving therapy. But it's not working!
It's now got to the stage were I can't really be arsed anymore. I beginning to think that turning gay has its advantages, I don't have to deal with the opposite sex. I know I'm bound to receive hate mail for my views. But in today's day and age, relationships aren't what they used to be! The feminist movement had its point, but then turned things upside down!
I want to keep things light and above all, mutual. Things that we both enjoy doing together and not something that we don't. I enjoy our sex lives, so does she.....it's a mutual thing. We enjoy dining out, staying away together, shopping.....etc. I made it very clear from the beginning when we met, I wasn't looking for a 'live-in' 24/7 style relationship. She had just come out of a long term thing too and was delighted about the thought of a relationship that was light and easy.....nothing heavy.
But she soon found she could talk to me and that I'd listen about her past. Something that she'd been unable to do with her previous boy friends but could now do with me. Now I find that she is co-dependent on me and I'm having big problems shaking her off! Last time she phoned and screamed that she was 'popping pills', I told her to get on with it and leave me alone. I know I shouldn't, but this was one of many occassions and I just got fed up with it all! Later I phoned to see if she was OK and was told that she'd taken 8 and then fallen asleep!
So now I'm trying to be 'friends'. I've cut back seeing to once or twice a week and only then if she has spent time going out with her friends or family. I'm trying to loosen her grip of me slowly.
I know I'm at fault here kind of. I know that I'm being non committed. I now know that she was a time bomb ready to explode and that I inadvertantly hit the trigger. But as I've already said, we men have to approach women these days at arms length. We cannot go into things blindly as we used to and hope for the best! I know you all may think this controlling, but only in so far as I'm being honest and controlling my own life. The system has swayed far too much in favour of women and more importantly, the courts.
I learned over a number of previous relationships to treat women with care. Not only in a relationship, but after when it's all over. I even had a vasectomy 4 years ago of which I am very open about with women. Yes I'm wealthy and yes I sound deliberate, but I've experienced first hand on more than one occassion how wise it is to be careful. I respect women and the damage a relationship can cause.
Next time round, I want to be a women
