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should I worry?

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pandora:
Hello,

I wanted to get some input on something that happened to me recently.  

I saw my STBXH this weekend at a public event.  He was hovering a bit and making me uncomfortable, so I finally told him (quite forcefully, I must admit) to leave me alone.  I did not insult him or use rude language, I just said "Leave me alone" with some force, and walked away from him.  

His response was to later track me down and unleash a very upsetting barrage of verbal harrassment - forcing me to state my reasons for divorcing him (which I did state quite clearly - infidelity and dishonesty) followed by a list of ways I had failed him as a wife - selfish, nonsupportive, bad communicator,  etc.   (One would wonder why he wants anything to do with me at all if I am such a disappontment!)

I got upset and told him to leave me alone and to get away from me several times.  He responded by yelling "f*** you", etc. and then storming off.  He later tried to approach me to apologize for cussing and to express his frustration that we could not be "friends".  I told him that I could not talk to him and to leave me alone, and then walked away.  This happened in front of at least fifty people.
 
He did send me a message attempting to apologize - but of course it is my fault for provoking him.  
 
One of the things that came out in his tirade was that he knows where I live.  He had to find it out eventually, but the way he said it made me nervous.  He seemed angry that I had not shared this info with him freely, and implied that I should be grateful that he hasn't disturbed me at home or at work, which to me sounds like a veiled threat - he is letting me know he could harrass me if he wanted to.  Am I mistaken to interpret it that way?
 
I am also concerned because this is the first time since I left him that he has been nasty to my face.  Previously he has been reasonably polite in person, and limited his tirades to email or the telephone.   He has sent me many letters intended to convince me that he has changed and that I am making a mistake by divorcing him and has tried to convince me to meet with him alone several times - I don't respond to these anymore and will not meet with him.   I try to keep our contact limited to practical matters.
 
I believe these tactics are probably just another way for him to try and jerk me around.  I don't want to be overly paranoid, but I am a little concerned for my safety.  He seems unstable and unpredictable.  But he has not been physically violent or threatened me in that way.  

I have told a few friends about this incident, just as a sort of precaution.

Is it likely that he becomes more angry and acting out in this way as it becomes clearer to him that I have no interest in reconciling or allowing him to have any further influence over my life?  

Thanks for your opinions and input.  I am actually doing much better and feeling quite optimistic about my future.   This continued crap is upsetting, but it no longer rules my life.  

Pandora

Anonymous:
A book that I have found helpful is The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker.

Anonymous:
I would take his behavior very seriously. The fact that you didn't want him to know your address speaks for itself. Please go to www.bpdresources.com where they have stalking links. Tell ALL your friends to be wary of him. A stalker will get information from your friends, who don't know he's stalking you! It may also be time for a restraining order.

bunny

Lizbeth:
Your rightful request to him in public to leave you alone probably embarassed the hell out of him so he had to retaliate.  Nevertheless, I would be concerned and it is obvious he has the potential to become quite a nuisance of a stalker.  If you haven't already, please check out www.stalkingvictims.com.  Their message board is especally good, I read it daily as it has to do with the behavior of N's and P's (and I was stalked in the past by a boyfriend and my second ex-husband).  

You should document everything, tell everyone you know what is happening, and take precautions like they list on the Stalking Victims list.  Perhaps post there and get their advice on how to proceed.

Hope this helps.

Lizbeth

Lizbeth:
In case you haven't done so already, you should be keeping a diary of all your encounters with him and copies of every single communication, in case you have to get an order of protection.  You can cut communcation down or completely out between the two of you having him contact your lawyer only for details.  I would even go so far as to talk to the police and tell them about the veiled threats, show them anything threatening he has sent you as well.  At least you can get it on record that way.  Be warned, even non-violent men can turn violent when they realize that they have, finally, lost control over their "object" or "property" or "supply" (you).  Once he realizes there is no hope at all for reconciliation, he may try to do something.

Please do check out stalking resources for your best information, each case is different, each N or P is different.

Good luck

Lizbeth

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