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should I worry?

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Onyx:
Anger is never a pretty thing to see, let alone be on the receiving end of. The old saying about never knowing who you really lived with until it was all over springs to mind. He's frustrated and it's getting the better of him. It must be like having an argument with himself 24/7. Sometimes we men can try to rationalise and logic out things that just can't be.

Your marriaged ended and that's that! He'll accept it sooner or later as time goes by. The trick for you is to I think have no contact with him at all! The more you try to reason, the more he'll just blow up in your face. If he hasn't been violent to you in your marriage, then having no contact with him is unlikely to generate it. Be on you guard yes, but we all say things in the heat of the moment that we later regret!

Time and distance may mean that you at least can talk civil in the future, but it doesn't appear so now. Breaking off contact will I think, give you both the space to heal your wounds.

Anonymous:
Sorry, Onyx, but I respectfully disagree.  When you are dealing with a N, all bets at expecting rational and respectful behavior are off.  You are not dealing with a normal man here.  You can have no contact (which is what you have to do with an N) and still end up with violence, because that is they way they react sometimes when they realize they have lost all control over you.  Sometimes no matter what you do, unless you totally disappear, you will provoke violence in them, even if they have never touched you before.  The  most dangerous time for a woman is when she leaves her spouse, or after the divorce has been finalized and they finally "get the picture."  Pandora is right to be worried.  This may blow over, but with his veiled threats and his behavior, I wouldn't bet on it.  

Lizbeth

Lizbeth:
Sorry, that was me, Lizbeth. I logged in but it didn't take.

pandora:
I do realize that my STBXH is dealing with his own feelings about our divorce, and I don't expect him not to be angry or act out at all.  I just don't think that I should be the target.  I have certainly vented about him in negative ways, but I would not call him up or approach him in public and subject him to that.   That does not help me or help him.  

I am trying to avoid all but the most necessary contact with him, but some is still needed since our divorce is not final.  He has sent me unwanted letters which I have ignored as much as possible.  Some of his more angry emails I have forwarded to my lawyer.  And I did tell her about this incident, although it really does not affect the divorce.

And at this event, I did not approach him.  He approached me without my encouragement and tried to initiate conversation.  I offered minimal responses to his questions and hoped he would back off.  Maybe it was not very polite to tell him to leave me alone, and I am sure that my frustration was obvious,  but I did not scream and curse at him, or call him names, or say mean things.  I just said "leave me alone".  

And I figured he would find out my address eventually, but to inform me that he knows it in the midst of a verbal attack seems odd.  I still can't believe that he acted like that in public.  Anyone could have been watching.  

PAndora

Anonymous:
Pandora,

Your H won't act reasonably as you would. He's a different type of person. I believe he wanted to confront you in public to intimidate and embarrass you. And he lacks impulse control. The fact that you did not want him to know where you live speaks volumes. I would take his behavior very seriously and protect myself.

bunny

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