Pennyplants (Juno's) Turning Points

[Ami]

So great to see you again,Juno.
I guess that you are seeking balance between the board and  3D life. The board helps me deal with 3D life. I learn lessons ,here, I can apply to 3D life.
 It is hard to find balance in anything.
 One thing about the board is that people, here,'get" N's . In the world, very few people "get" N's.
  Look forward to hearing from you,Juno. You have so much to add.      Love   Ami     

 

[Certain Hope]

Dear Penny,

I think that what's helping me the most to strike a balance here... is that I stopped trying to read everything. There simply is not enough time or energy for me to continue doing that and also maintain a well rounded life out here in the real world, with family and friends.
There was alot of rubbish wrapped up in my past efforts to read and comment on every post... but most of it, I think, was just feeling so starved for interaction! So in a very good way, feels like that's finally been sated. There's not much anymore that feels like I absolutely have to say it...
not much at all.

You'll be able to work through this, Pp... I am sure of it. There are various phases and cycles... but you'll see the milestones along the way and recognize the turnings. Sometimes the shifts are so gradual, you may not even see them in yourself till they're already in place... like you said on the story board about others here.
One thing's for sure... balance doesn't come by shunning the temptation, but by overcoming it. hmm.. that sounds weird, but I think you'll get it. It's like - the more I tell myself No, No, No... the more I magnify the thing I'm trying to avoid.  And on that note, I'll quit while I'm behind... lol.

((((((((Juno)))))))  Again, it's good to read you.

Carolyn

[dandylife]

Pennyplant,

you wrote, "Age forty--Realized I had fallen "in love" with a very young, charming, good-looking, charismatic man that I worked with.  When he moved on, I pretty much lost it and became an emotional wreck."

While I was divorced from my H (we've since gotten back together), I had a similar experience. For me, I see very clearly now what hooked me, and it was that I "chose" him. He was a person I definitely wanted to be with and felt compatible with. As opposed to my H, who definitely chose me, and I adapted to him. So that was my hook. A lot of what you said resonated with me. I spent many many hours analyzing why I felt so emotional about this person. Obviously, emotions combine to make a whole, but this was the one thing I could point to that made a difference for me.

Glad to hear from you here again.

Dandylife

[Hopalong]

Welcome back, (((((Juno)))))).

Your summary was so clear, your growth too.
It was a terrible struggle for you when you were a very young mother.
You did the best you knew how to, and anything you needed to make amends for, I know you have.

Thanks for your example.
Stepping back, taking a look, and reappearing with balance...that's what I'd like to do.

love
Hops

[Leah]

Warm welcome back (((( Juno ))))

Leah x

[Juno]

Thank you, ladies.

Ami--I'm really struggling in my 3D life.  I don't know if it is apparent to people who deal with me every day or not.  But it is apparent to me from the inside.  Just the way I feel and the things I think about.  This place has helped me with healing, which in turn is changing how I do things.  But the changes just show me how very far I have to go yet.  I watch other people a lot, too.  And I see a lot more than I used to.  Sometimes I think, wow, I used to be like that person and am not anymore and it feels good.  And other times I think, wow, I still don't "get it".  So frustrating.

Ami, Besee--You're right about other people not "getting it" about N.  I still tend to blurt out opinions on certain situations--and I probably come off as a little out there to people who are "innocent" to the ways of N.  Sometimes I think I will never be able to stop looking for N, never stop being angry about it.  Hopefully, that is what healing will help with.

Carolyn--shunning the temptation v. overcoming it....if you mean as regards the young guy or any other guy I am tempted to think about in that way and then maybe try to act on it..... I think I've got a lot going on in that area.  Reasons why I'm weak in that way, I mean.  Possibly that is one reason why I wanted to work on that turning point now, besides it being on my mind right now.  If I can get at that part of me, healing there will go a long ways towards general healing.  I hope.  My plan for now is to tackle some of those issues on my thread before moving on to other turning points.  That's the plan anyway.....

Dandy--yes, I have a similar history.  My husband chose me and I made some sacrifices (he feels deep guilt about that most of the time).  I never even dated anyone else.  The young guy just blew me away.  I never met anybody like him before or since.  I wouldn't even have thought those particular characteristics existed in one person.  And my understanding is he has a similar effect on people wherever he goes.  I just kinda thought he liked me too.....

Hopsy--You see growth in me?  There's hope then.  Sometimes it's hard for me to remember that.  It's been so rough at work, especially for the past six months or so.  Wow, that long.  No wonder I'm feeling so beat.  And with the life lessons coming at me almost daily.  Those are physically painful at times and frequently exhausting. 

Leah--Thank you for the welcome.  You know, I was determined to try really hard in 3D and not need the board so much.  But I couldn't go it alone any more.  Not that I was trying to be a hero or something.  But I felt stalled here last fall, among other things.  And I thought 3D was the next step.  But it got so hard. 

So, one step at a time.  One day at a time.

Thank you.

[gratitude28]

((((((((((((((((((((Pp))))))))))))))

Happy to see you back here

Love, Beth

[Juno]

Thank you (((((((((Beth)))))))))

I'm going to comment on your thread now.

[Ami]

Just thinking of you, Juno. Were you saying you had a relationship with another guy that brought you to a turning point in your life and you realized you needed to change? I may not be following it, right.                    Ami

[Certain Hope]

Hi, Juno,

Sorry, I just now saw this...

No, my mention of dealing with temptation wasn't about guys, but in reference to being tempted to spend too much time here on the board. I only meant that trying to stay away or avoid that sort of temptation isn't effective... at least not for me. Trouble is, in that sort of situation, I'll just find something else with which to fill the gap. So it's better for me to overcome the temptation by regulating myself and setting firm limits, not swearing off of the thing altogether. Well, except for the temptation of alcohol... in that case, I had to swear off   
Guess you could say this is more about finding balance with stuff that is non-life-threatening.

Carolyn

[Juno]

Ami, I became very attached to another guy and when he was not in my life anymore, I went into a very deep and painful depression--it was a turning point for me in that I had to question everything I believed about who I was.  I was very raw and open when he came along and apparently allowed him "in" somehow.  Then he was gone.  It felt like very deep grief.  I think now, I tapped into shame and guilt and grief and all kinds of emotions that I had never allowed in my life before.  It was the very beginning of my learning about N and Voicelessness.  Though at the time I never would have guessed that. 

Carolyn--okay, that makes sense.  I'm on vacation this week and find myself coming online off and on all day long.  So, I have limited myself today to only checking a very few threads and working on my Turning Points.  When I'm back to work next week it will probably be mainly Turning Points.  I am still learning about setting limits and regulating myself.  In every area of my life actually.  It is very hard for me to be motivated or follow a routine.  My husband is good at that, better than me anyway.  He taught himself to make certain things into habits or routines and that leads to some kind of discipline.  I am still feeling my way through that kind of lifestyle.  Usually I am driven by external limits or guilt or frustration.  Balance is what I need.  But I have probably never had it.  I want it, though.  What I have been doing is streamlining my life.  My hope is that when it is down to the real basics, I will see or sense some kind of balance or essence.  Then build on that.