Rage

[Gabben]

James -- so glad you are here. Your voice is precious.

[Overcomer]

James I have not had the opportunity to get to know you but look forward to it.  It was my rage that allowed me to break free from the bondage I was living.  Without the rage which happened six years ago Iwould still be living the lie.  Without the rage I would probably have had a heart attack or something.  Now I need to get past the rage and work on getting well.

[James]

Hi Gabben........i am glad to be here, thank you    Overcomer....it's nice to meet you. I thinks its possible now to let others get to know me. Sounds like your are well along the road to good health. Best wishes            Hi Ami......hope you are doing well......James

[Ami]

Dear Lise, Kelly and James,
 I am glad this thread resonated with you. Tonight, I felt rage against my H and felt guilty. I should NOT feel guilty. It would be a normal feeling for me to have. Thanks for being there, friends!                Love    Ami

[James]

Ami.............the rage you are feeling is yours to feel and no one elses.........love, James

[Ami]

Thank you, James.
Today, between feeling rage and feeling loved and accepted, I feel a little more whole. I think that honesty and love are the healers.
Thank you so much for your kindness toward me, James. It means so much to me!                Love   Ami

(((((((((James)))))))

[Overcomer]

I think of said this way.  Your N mom made you not express your feelings so you kept a lie on it-one day like a sea kettle the lie popped off and the steam flew!  That is how it was for me!  It was a total loss of control and was uncomfortable.  That is why my mom labeled me unstable.  She had never seen me act that way-it was never allowed-so to see me yell and scream and slam doors-it was bad! 

[Overcomer]

The first time I felt rage was when my Ex had left me for another woman.  My M convinced him he needed in patient counseling.  We dropped him off in Chicago so he could get well.  We I got a hang up phone call a couple days later so I figured it was his girlfriend so I called there.  Who picked up the phone but my ex who had checked himself out of the hospital and took a bus back home.  That should have been the end but mom swooped back in and convinced him to go back.

[Ami]

Yes, Kelly
 We HAD all those deep feelings and could not express them. That is how we get addictions and physical and emotional illness. I am trying to root out the truth from the lies, so I can be free.
 She made me deny parts of myself for HER needs. I had to lie to myself about who I was and how I felt. I got "sick". That is HOW we get sick(IMO)
 So, we have to reverse the process of sickness and call forth health, with the tool of honesty, as I see it. The Bible says,"You shall know the truth and the truth will  MAKE you free."
 It is a promise and God can't lie, so that is my goal for healing.
                Love and a Big  Hug,  Ami

[Ami]

The first time I felt rage was when my Ex had left me for another woman.  My M convinced him he needed in patient counseling.  We dropped him off in Chicago so he could get well.  We I got a hang up phone call a couple days later so I figured it was his girlfriend so I called there.  Who picked up the phone but my ex who had checked himself out of the hospital and took a bus back home.  That should have been the end but mom swooped back in and convinced him to go back.

Part of my getting so sick, Kelly, was my M and F siding with my abusive H. I called my M and told her that I and my older son(14 months) were being abused. She said,"Don't think you are coming here."
So, much of my life's descent was simply having no one to help me and my H KNEW it. That was the thing. He knew I was alone, with two small babies, afraid, my own family did not care enough to help me. I was good "prey" and I was.Now, the prey is not prey ,anymore. It took the death of my beautiful son to get me here  BUT I got here and am here. I am not prey ,anymore.                  Love   Ami

[Overcomer]

You go girl.  Heh were you I would totally leave the jerk!

[Ami]

Dear Kelly,
 I am going step by step. I have to get back my strength. This trauma knocked my body ,more than my mind. My body is carrying the pain that my mind can't face.
                           Love  Ami

[Overcomer]

Easy for me to say huh?  My H has been drunk the whole time he has been laid off-almost a month!

[Ami]

Kelly
 I am sorry to hear that about your H."
  I am so sorry you have to deal with this ,Kelly                         Love   Ami

[Overcomer]

Well, my H starts his new job next Monday.  I believe he is definitely an alcoholic but I truly believe the reaason he has been drinking this whole time is he is just bored.  He has translated drinking with something fun to do when there is nothing else to do - or as a reward.  When he putzes around the yard in the summer, he always cracks a beer - Budweiser - problem is it isn't a couple - it is at least a six pack.  I think if you are gonna have a few beers, at least you could drink Sam Adams or Boulevard Wheat............something a with a little more class.  Is that delusional of me?  And drink three.  You still get a buzz.....no need to get drunk.  But for him the goal is drunkenness.  Then he becomes an ASSHOLE!!!