Saintly N??? Explain more please...

[gratitude28]

I caught the term Saintly N on another thread and was hoping you could explain it more. I have a suspicion it might fit NM...
Thanks!!!
Beth

[Gabben]

Hi Beth,

Well I can only explain the saintly N from my own experience with one particular saint N, "N saint" as I call her.

Actually, I would like more info myself on different types of the saintly N. It seems that most therapists, who are N, would fall under the saintly N category as well as cult leaders who are wolf in sheep's clothing, if you know what I mean? They lure with a show of flattery and praise -- N-hooks --perfect or tailor made for the little victim who is hungry for love.

As soon as they have you hooked they begin to regulate the praise and flattery, projecting and dumping their unwanted self onto you, they withhold and invalidate in order to keep you close all the while they are in constant search of new people or supply forever wanting to feed off a smorgasbord of supply.

N saint acted like a saint. She was too good to be true (that should have been a red flag for me). However, I was raised in the Catholic church and never had I seen anyone like N saint before. She was down-to-earth, kind and open not that people in the Catholic church are not kind and open it is just they are more centered on leading people to God where N saint was leading people to her. I was naive...I was wounded and I was hungry...I fell into her web.

"When you enter the web of the Narcissist, you leave yourself behind."

Throughout the time that I knew or was close to N saint I never saw any real emotion from her except excitement and pessimism.

http://www.power2serve.net/narcissism_in_the_pulpit1.htm

[seasons]

Hi Beth,

"When you enter the web of the Narcissist, you leave yourself behind." Well put Lise.

I believe at least one of my Nsisters is a Saintly N. Her whole life is choreographed for her to look like a saint. Always giving when everyone is looking, all good deeds are always told to everyone, has to be the first to shower you with sympathy, flowers, food etc.
And will tell you how mad she is if someone beets her to the punch! Unbelievable
Bakes cakes decorated lovely, then puts them in her portfolio she shows everyone, not kidding, all true.
Then uses this book to show anyone in her path the people she has baked for, of course your name is on the birthday cake. LOL She looks great you look like a goof for having anything against her.........Again she looks so thoughtful.

Taught Catechism, do I need to say more than it is an N teaching, laughable.
Now she Volunteers at a Hospital. Well its the gift shop, you would think she is rocking new Born's, or sitting with the sick etc.

Grandmother, hmmmmmmmmmmm could go on about all she has done. She has actually in my opinion brainwashed her grandchildren that she is that GRAND.
I could go on and on.
She leaves a saintly undertone in all she does. Nothing is selfless, humble or meek.     

A bit of what I have witnessed.    seasons

[wiltay]

      Beth,  one of the basic premises behind NPD as I understand it is the false self.  A future N creates an invented self-image in very early childhood designed to be equal to his N parents unreasonable and impossible to meet expectations.  Naturally the invented self is grandiose, how could it not be?  Believing in this false self he is assured that he is lovable.  Most Ns are obviously conceited, but some promote a 'saintly' image that doesn't permit conceit to show.  The Saintly N always appears loving, concerned and very empathetic, gentle and humble, and actually believes he has these qualities.  But to people who get to know them well enough (few do), the story is much different.  What the SN needs and requires above all is to be loved and worshiped without question.  They need constant adoration and attention and will not suffer any competition for it.  Lise and I can tell you 'horror' stories of how they behave when they don't get what they want, i.e. you start disbelieving.  It's hardly saintly behavior.  Basically they attempt to smear you and destroy your reputation with other people in order to drive you away.  They paint themselves as the victim and you the questioner as the persecutor, and unfortunately most people believe them.

[Gabben]

Hi Seasons,

Question, do you feel a bit envious of all of the attention that your sister garners with her seemingly schema's for N supply even that you know the real truth of why she does all that she does?


N saint wanted to adopt a baby...a baby that was going to be aborted unless she stepped in to rescue by offering the mom a solution of her taking the baby so that the mom did not have to abort it." Well, first that is great for the child...their life is saved and that is a wonderful idea but I could intuitively tell that she was going to use the child as an appendage for N supply; the child would forever be the child she saved in order to feed off the honor or glory, the child would an object, one that perpetually mirrors her saintly image.

[gratitude28]

Lise,
That really sounds like something she would love to hold over the baby's head as well - "Your parents wanted to kill you, but I saved you." It is kind of a sick idea. Adoption shouldn't be about, "I saved you." It should be about love.
Seasons,
Your sister sounds like a peach. I would be so annoyed to see the ploys.
Will,
I think my mother fits into this category quite well. She is a nurse. But I just can't imagine her caring for anyone, although I think she is well trained. I have never "gotten" how she could be competent at work and then a mess in her personal life... Very strange. It is a game and the projection of a false self, as you say. I believe the competence and the image is that of the hot nurse that the Docs want and the other nurses are jealous of. I wonder where the patients fit in? I guess they are props.
Thanks for the clarification.
Love, Beth

[Gabben]

Lise,
That really sounds like something she would love to hold over the baby's head as well - "Your parents wanted to kill you, but I saved you." It is kind of a sick idea. Adoption shouldn't be about, "I saved you." It should be about love.

Exactly, however, I could not see her ever verbally expressing that to the child although that would be the idea or conviction she would hold in her heart and it would seep out in attitude and inappropriate expressions leading to confusion and subtle mental abuse for the child.

[Ami]

I think my mother fits into this category quite well. She is a nurse. But I just can't imagine her caring for anyone, although I think she is well trained. I have never "gotten" how she could be competent at work and then a mess in her personal life... Very strange. It is a game and the projection of a false self, as you say. I believe the competence and the image is that of the hot nurse that the Docs want and the other nurses are jealous of. I wonder where the patients fit in? I guess they are props.
Thanks for the clarificationh
[/quote]


LOL, Beth                                                             Ami

[Gabben]

I think my mother fits into this category quite well. She is a nurse. But I just can't imagine her caring for anyone, although I think she is well trained. I have never "gotten" how she could be competent at work and then a mess in her personal life... Very strange. It is a game and the projection of a false self, as you say. I believe the competence and the image is that of the hot nurse that the Docs want and the other nurses are jealous of. I wonder where the patients fit in? I guess they are props.
Thanks for the clarificationh

LOL, Beth                                                             Ami
[/quote]

Wow....that is interesting Ami - my mom was a nurse and it never occurred to me that she would go into that field for n supply or to meet a doctor...wow - like duh.

 

[Gabben]

      Beth,  one of the basic premises behind NPD as I understand it is the false self.  A future N creates an invented self-image in very early childhood designed to be equal to his N parents unreasonable and impossible to meet expectations.  Naturally the invented self is grandiose, how could it not be?  Believing in this false self he is assured that he is lovable.  Most Ns are obviously conceited, but some promote a 'saintly' image that doesn't permit conceit to show.  The Saintly N always appears loving, concerned and very empathetic, gentle and humble, and actually believes he has these qualities.  But to people who get to know them well enough (few do), the story is much different.  What the SN needs and requires above all is to be loved and worshiped without question.  They need constant adoration and attention and will not suffer any competition for it.  Lise and I can tell you 'horror' stories of how they behave when they don't get what they want, i.e. you start disbelieving.  It's hardly saintly behavior.  Basically they attempt to smear you and destroy your reputation with other people in order to drive you away.  They paint themselves as the victim and you the questioner as the persecutor, and unfortunately most people believe them.

Bill -- that was so validating to read...that WAS exactly my story with N saint.

She was good at triggoring the rage I felt at my mom, can you imagine growing up with a parent who never allows anyone to confront them and actually believes the lies they tell themselves...that was so frustrating...SO FRUSTRATING.

Even though my mom was not saint N she would never have allowed for any form of self expression.

Lise