Hi Newguest,
I can tell you from my experiences that when you take a stand against an N, they will defend their territory - their control over you - to the bitter end. They will call you names like selfish, demanding, immature, narcissistic, whatever they can pull from their file of lovely names.
They do not want you to stand up for yourself, and will make you feel like you are the problem child. They do not want you to continue on with your plan to remove yourself as their supply. They want to keep you as you presently are, and will belittle you until you think you are Crazy! I'm dealing with this right now and it is very difficult. I spend time everyday asking myself if I am crazy. Then I think about how peaceful things are becoming to one extient and I decide to continue my journey.
I also had Nparents attempting to destroy my wedding. The wedding ceremony itself became their design. But H's mother planned a reception in his home state for his family and friends a week later. They are Italian and love weddings. My family is bible belt religious and there was no real celebration at their ceremony. To this day I call it their wedding ceremony. They palnned it, decided who would be there and pulled selfish and immature acts to belittle me and others who were getting some attention that day.
My Nparents were extremely agitated that they could not stop H's mother from serving alcohol, having a DJ and dancing, all the fun wedding stuff at the extra reception. They sat at the reception with long faces, refused to get out of their chairs the entire night and try to get to know our new family. Ndad refused to participate in the traditional father/daughter dance and H's father was deceased so his uncle stood in. I still wonder to this day how my father could sit there and watch someone else stand in for him and embarrass him in front of so many people. He is so stubburn, he was proud of himself for his actions!
When I said to Nmom a few weeks ago that my wedding was all her desing, that she said if I had alcohol there she would not attend, she responded with "you had alcohol at your wedding!" I replied that I did not and she said "your mother-in-law server alcohol at her reception so you had alcohol at your wedding and you refused to stop her from serving it even though you knew we were against it".
These were two different events, and they were 17 years ago, but Nmom still can't give up on the fact that even though she got full control of my actual wedding ceremony and little plain reception after, she could not control the recption H's mother threw for us.
N's are in their own little world, a world none of us can understand or participate of our own accord. We are participants none the less as they write the story line and control our lives as we allow them. But when we scream enough is enough, we may as well get a frontal lobotomy if we want to live around them and keep our sanity. Their world is insane to an extent. Get away, get away, get away!