Thank you, Lighter.
No open-ended emails. That's it.
Thank you.
I can still be compassionate while gently distancing.
And, (((((((((((((((((((((Lighter))))))))))))))))))))))). Welcome back.
ToWrite, if you're comfortable sharing more about your book...do PM me. (No worries at all if not.)
As to his breaking the boundaries, I do recall in therapy him saying, "Well, I probably shouldn't say this, but your situation reminds me of how I felt with my second wife...it was, I'm doing all the loving in this relationship!" So perhaps he did first cross a boundary then. He seldom made a similar reference, though. To me, I was delighted to know a little about him, it made me trust him more. And I don't think he ever had malicious intent. He's just a human being. Maybe he was feeling attracted to me and that messed with his judgment.
Otherwise, I'd say at the end of my therapy I practically DRAGGED him across the boundary, by telling him I would like to see him socially, asking him what the rules were, and telling him more than once that I was serious and would like it very much if he'd call me after the proper interval. And if both he and I were free, we could start in friendship. All he said at the time was finally a slightly embarrassed, "Maybe we could make a go of it!"
But he was never seductive or predatory in any way during therapy. Other than those mild slips during almost 3 years, I think he was always professional, decent, and honorable.
So I am responsible, too. I'm close to his age, I've been around the block, and I should have realized it was my own boundary-bashing that helped create the situation. Vulnerable as a client or not, I'm an adult, and I own my part.
Thanks for the wise counsel. In honesty, after seeing how much anger and bitterness he has toward women when we had dinner, and on top of that the notion that he's likely alcoholic...I would not be capable of entering a romantic relationship with him now anyway.
Hope it will taper off by email, and if he asks for a meeting, I'll say only if we have a mutual understanding that it's only as friends.
Hope that makes sense.
Thanks all so very much for your insight and guidance. This would be the last thing I need right now, to derail my life in a draining and unhealthy relationship.
love,
Hops