Rage

[Ami]

I am sorry, Kim.          Love,  Ami

((((((((((Kim))))))))))

[ann3]

Ami,

I really feel for you.  You have been thru such a devastating loss.

Have you spoken to your Ann about this anger?  If so, what did she say?

w/love,
ann

[Ami]

Dear Ann3,
 i did not even think about talking to Ann about it. I am going to talk to her on Wed, so you can do it, then. I have SO much anger, Ann.
 I realize that I did not feel like I could "protect" myself. Self protection was stripped from me and that was what allowed me to get to this point.
 I did not feel like I could nurture and protect myself. My H swooped in like a bird. Now, he swooped out b/c I LOOK like I could kill s/one(LOL).                Love   Ami

[Ami]

I have SO much rage against my H. I realized that my M does love me and is trying to be good to me,in the best way she can. I have to take her off the hook and try to claim my lfe.
 My H is another story b/c he does not have that type of love.He wants to keep me under his thumb,but can't b/c I look like I could kill s/one(LOL)     Ami

[ann3]

Ami, my love,

I'm concerned about you.  I know what it's like to be overwhelmed by rage ,like a wave that hits you, knocks you down.  I was concerned when you posted about the homocidal stuff. Maybe an outlet would be exercise, to let it out of your body or a massage, I don't know.  I just hope you're OK.  I mean I know you're not "OK", but I hope you won't hurt yourself physically or emotionally.

Why wouldn't you discuss this rage with Ann?

sending you love,
ann

[Kimberli63]

Ami, get a pillow and pretend it is your H. Beat the stuffing out of it and express your rage that way. Keep going until you are exhausted. Sometimes, I have had to do that. It is better than pulling all the crockery out the cupboard and throwing it against the wall. I did that once and it created too much mess. I then tried tipping all the underwear, socks etc  out of the drawer. That also helped to calm me when I had to sort it out so I could put it away again. Get a tennis ball and pretend it is your H's head, hit it against the wall with a tennis racquet. Buy a punching bag, think of it as his head. Get a dart board and some darts, throw as is you are beating the poison out of him.If you have to cook his meals make sure you use heaps of chilli, that will quieten him down for a while. Make the most disgusting meals, using ingredients, which don't go together. Throw all his clothes on the front lawn. Hide his favourite things away or throw them in the bin. Get really nasty. I used to think up ways to get back at him. Then I would picture doing that, and dissolve in fits of laughter, and that would break the tension.

Don't get in your car and speed off, disobeying all the road rules. Don't waste your time, berating him.

Rage is something I know a lot about, as you can see from the above.

Good luck

Kim in Oz

[Ami]

Dear Ann and Kim,
 Thank you for caring. I can "feel" it in the posts.
 I feel a little better for the moment. My friend said to just let the anger go by. I was getting messed up by feeling guilty. I feel guilty to be angry at my H. I know it sounds sick to say this, but I do. He did do good things over the years and I kinow ,intellectually, that he cannot help being an N, BUT my body is angry, super, super angry.
 My friend said that I have to be selfish,now, to heal and honor my own life, not worry about my H and "hurting" him.
 That is right. I know my H did not mean to hurt Scott or anyone BUT he ,still, does nor know how to be different and would hurt people again, me included, if I let up on my strength.
  Dear Izzy,
  I can't answer all those questions.  It is just too much to go over.                                                   Ami   

[gjazz]

Izzy:  I'm curious.  What positive, productive result did you intend would come from your statement "May you never rest in peace?"

[ann3]

Wow Izzy,I am really surprised at you.  In my therapy session today, my T and I agreed that one of the worst things a human can do is to judge, whether we judge ourselves or judge other people.  I think you have judged Ami in a very harsh and cruel way.  It seems you are disappointed and angry at Ami because she is not living up to your expectations.  I have learned that it is wrong to judge and punish others because we feel they didn't live up to our expectations.  

I think you make unsupported assumptions about Ami's relationship with her son. None of us has all the facts and even if we did, we, including Ami,  cannot mind read how a person may have felt at a given time.  I think Ami can never really know for sure why Scott (may he rest in peace) did what he did and we certainly cannot know.

If you're angry at Ami,please do not express your anger towards her like this, it's just too cruel.  I am so surprised at the depth of your cruelty.  What if, Gd forbid, you found yourself in a similar situation regarding your child?  Can we all not walk a mile in each other's shoes?

Ami is in mourning and in grief over an immense loss.  Even if you disagree with some of the things that Ami does, have you no compassion?  I can only assume that you have really hurt Ami by using poisonous words.  I think you have done a really terrible thing.

[ann3]

(((((((((((((((((((((((AMI)))))))))))))))))))))))

I hope these cruel words have not done further damage to you.

I am rooting for you on your road to wellness.

((((((((((((((((((((((AMI))))))))))))))))))))))))

Lovingly,
ann

[ann3]

Izzy,

One more thing to think about:

Many of us here suffer the effects of verbal abuse.  This verbal abuse may come from our parents, spouses, who ever.  I think you have verbally abused Ami.  And, the cruel irony is that you did it on a voicelessness board, a board where people had or have no voice because they suffered the effects of abuse, including verbal abuse.  I suppose the victims of abuse sometimes abuse other victims of abuse. 

[gjazz]

I didn't ask how you would feel, Izzy.  Your post was intended to be helpful, correct?  Isn't that the point of these message boards?  So I was asking how that statement "may you never rest in peace" might be helpful to Ami.  

[teartracks]

Dear Iz,

I think you are wrong to attack Ami the way you have on this thread.   I think you should delete your posts and apologize.  I have admired your straight forwardness, but the things you've said here go far beyond the spirit of straight forwardness.  What you've said is very cruel, inhumane and uncalled for.  

tt

[ann3]

Izzy,

You have damaged my trust in people.  One of my problems is that I don't trust people.  I thought I kinda 'knew' you:  a straight talker who could see truth.  I'm upset because I think what you have done is evil and it hurts to say that.

I feel you've done a Jekle & Hyde:  you drank the potion and now you've said some monsterous things.  I feel damaged by it, so I can only imagine what Ami would feel. Izzy, please delete your posts.  There is NO WAY they can help Ami, they only enable you to vent bile.

I hope you can find it in your heart to apologize to Ami.

Izzy, love is the only thing that makes our lives worth living.  Hate leads to destruction:  destruction of ourselves and other people.

Please reconsider your actions.  We all make mistakes.

[ann3]

So ami cannot YET stand up for herself?

Izzy,

are you trying to pick a knife fight w/ Ami?  This isn't West Side Story, jets & sharks.  C'mon, get over yourself.

If you are trying to teach Ami how to stand up for herself, you have failed.  The only thing you are doing is attacking her.  Can't you see that???