Stuck at age whatever

[Overcomer]

My cousin's wife was raped at a young age therefore she is stuck.  She is not mature and people tip toe around her for dear she will go off the deep end.  I think sometimes when our youth is stolen we freeze emotionally.  Am talks of having her core removed at 14.  Maybe she is stuck there.  I know I have a hard time being 48.  In my mind I am 28.  I see women with small children and I cry.  How did these 20 years fly by?  Why have I allowed my mom so much input into my life?  What am I thinking

[Ami]

Dear Kelly,
 I think we 'literally" get frozen, emotionally. I really do. I think that we cannot help it b/c it is like the "shock" I suffered when the police told me about Scott. I ,literally, went in to a state of shock, involuntarily, and am still in it,to some degree.
 When we had parents who violated us so terribly, we went in to shock(IMO)
  I can SEE how it happened, based on my recent interactions, here.
  The N has a knife and they cut your gut, they eviscerate you. They leave you bloody, gutless, coreless, and then you are supposed to go on, as a regular kid, with a regular life WHEN you are eviscerated daily, many times a day.
  Something dies inside. You are growing outwardly,but not inwardly. You are stunted b/c there is only SO much pain the human can take before they go on "tilt"
 I can see more now of how and why we got frozen.       Love   Ami

[debkor]

Hey OC,

Yes for me time has flown.  I look around and wonder when did my kids turn 23, 21 and 13.

Was 28 a good year for you?  When I think back to my 20's I really enjoyed the age 22 and the first time  I was in love.  I don't feel stuck in age though.  I'm 51 and don't feel it (well sometimes I do, aches and pains where I never had them before and don't want to go there with hot flashes).   

Love
Deb

[Overcomer]

No 28 was not a particularly great time but when I look back it was the last time I felt young.  Plus I cannot feel like a teenager because I have teenagers.  My best year was 17. 

[Overcomer]

It reminds me of those men I remember when I was young-with the greased back hair and cigarettes rolled up their sleeves-or my friend who has big hair and still wears shoulder pads.  Stuck in the 80s Or stuck in the 50s.  Where are you stuck everyone?

[James]

Hi Overcomer.........I think various parts of ourselves can get "stuck" at different places. Perhaps the biggest traumas show up the most and we consider ourselves stuck right there, without realizing that in other ways we have grown up and are further along than what we give ourselves credit for. I'm thinking this growth process might not have an end. I can't really define what an end would feel like...........James

[Overcomer]

I know the healing journey is a long one but what I was getting at was when did you feel good about yourself so you try to feel that age?  My best year was 17.  I was in love and had the world by the tail!

[Ami]

Hi Overcomer.........I think various parts of ourselves can get "stuck" at different places. Perhaps the biggest traumas show up the most and we consider ourselves stuck right there, without realizing that in other ways we have grown up and are further along than what we give ourselves credit for. I'm thinking this growth process might not have an end. I can't really define what an end would feel like...........James

This quote,from James, seems to make sense. I know I got stuck ,emotionally, at 14, at the moment I decided to give up my reality and accept my M's. I did not really think or percieve in an independent manner ,from them on.I grew in life experience, but not emotionally.
 Everything was filtered through HER eyes and ears. I always had a part of me, down deep, that knew she was "whacked",but I got more and more lost and then just gave up.
Now, I do feel that I am uncovering my true compass from under  the lies and distortions.
 When I can see and feel with my own compass, then I will be well, as I see it. It seems simple, but seems to make sense. Also, I have to trust it.
 I think emotional health is facing reality as it is, NOT as you must "engineer" it . That is just my own way of seeing emotional health.           Love   Ami

[gratitude28]

48 is still young, Kell.
I think I got frozen at about 10...
After giving up drinking and following a program, I was able to mature.
Removing your NM from your life would give you more room to grow.
We do have to learn it all for ourselves.
((((((((Kell))))))
Love, Beth

[Juno]

I think I never had any normal emotional development since I was encouraged to give up my voice from the start.  That was just how I was raised from the first minute.

But I did alright through age 13, which was my best year.  I had lots of friends and interests and confidence for the most part.

The following year several traumas occurred in rapid sequence and that is when my life fell apart.  I've been picking up the pieces ever since.

Part of me is a very tentative, innocent 13-year-old.

[Overcomer]

Well for a time I was stuck at 17 because that was the last time I felt good about myself.  From that time I was dealing with poor self esteem.  then 42 happened and I exploded!  problem is I have been exploding ever since!