Author Topic: Offender and Victim  (Read 959 times)

debkor

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Offender and Victim
« on: April 09, 2008, 08:38:15 AM »
You have heard me talk about a friend (N) maybe I think on one of the post with Options and it was not one for you as children I wrote I do have an option to keep in touch with her children and that means being in touch with her.  That's how she works it.

I think I can deal with this (thank God for this board).

She is being evicted from her apt this month.  Her two girls live with her and the son with the G-ma who makes him the Golden Boy.  He's a good kid don't get me wrong but with the girls G-ma can't deal with it all. 

My friend and I were talking and she is looking for apts.  She said she is looking for a 1bdrm.  The girls can stay in there and she'll sleep on the couch. Alright, you have do what you have to do and can afford. 

Her older one pfft (older) 11 is pretty much like Cinderella.   She kept her home from school because she was late.  She protested and wanted to go late.  Her mother said, look you have to clean this house up so I can start packing you can go to school tommorrow. 

Then she started to argue with the little one (6) that she is spoiled and a brat and let her sister get her ready for school (Cinderella). 

She then started to rant about putting her hair in a pony tail and her hiding the rubber bands.  Told her if she has to do (her own d's hair) and not the sister SHE'S GOING TO CRY.  Then said the little one is cutting her hair off like she did when she was 3.
Now I know kids do this but I wonder if the haircutting is beyond just being little anymore and out of Anger, or pay back, or no rubberbands. 

Then she told me point bland didn't even have to think about it like it was normal if she could get away with it she would send the little one with her M too and just keep (Cinderella) because they get along good.

The S gave her a hard time too so he's gone.  There really is nothing wrong with any of them other then being children and trying at times (normal).  Not so sure about that anymore either.  I mean they are surely having problems (due to Crazy mom and Dad is not that much better).

She seems to be getting worse though.  She use to keep things to herself or make excuses why she tries to get rid of her kids.  Now she is just coming right out and saying it.  I was horrified.

At this point I think she should give all 3 away and that makes me sick to even say that. 

I'm starting to see what many of you have been through and worse. 

Her F who she was close to and favored her out of all the children is deceased now.  I noticed shortly after this is when she went off the deep end. 

Yet I have to hear how mean and uncaring her M was and did not love her.  She cannot see the forest for the trees.  She is doing the same thing.
 
Victim has become offender ...... Offender is also victim.  It bounces back and forth

Love
Deb


lighter

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Re: Offender and Victim
« Reply #1 on: April 09, 2008, 09:26:33 AM »
That cycle you're illustrating here is dizzying to me.

You can look at any offender..... follow them back to their childhoods..... and find people who had a part in creating, as another symptom of their sickness.....

another offender.

Our legal system's full of symptom/offenders.

Without therapy.... without someone to show them how to do better..... they have little hope of breaking the cycle for their own children.

It gives me hope to see it happen when it does.  It's like seeing the sun come out.

This board is a good example of the human spirits ability to overcome, learn and do better.   



debkor

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Re: Offender and Victim
« Reply #2 on: April 09, 2008, 10:17:45 AM »
Light,

Yes I would really like to see that happen but I do think it's a long shot.  Who knows though it''s not impossible.  It's all so very sad.

Love
Deb