Author Topic: Ami's Anger  (Read 1231 times)

gratitude28

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Ami's Anger
« on: April 10, 2008, 10:19:31 AM »
Hey Ami,
I wanted to sttart on a clean page and address some of what you had written (I finally got to read your post!! - I have been MIA lately).
First, do you think part of your anger now is because you are angry with Scott? I really think that there will be a time that you realize you ARE angry with him. No matter what his reason and whom he intended to hurt, he also devastated you. I think this is an issue you will have to face.
May I ask (and please don't answer if it is too painful), how did Scott take his life? You may have said this somewhere, but I missed it. Again, if it hurts too much, just ignore the question.
I was very interested in suicide as a teen. I dreamed about how I would do it, yet I really didn't need the escape quite that much. I remember telling my parents once that I understood why people committed suicide and my mother told me I was stupid.
I think the anger you are feeling is very important and a necessary stage of grieving.
I was also wondering, is your H seeing a therapist? Scott's girlfriend? Your other son? A lot of people were affected. Maybe you can diffuse some anger by helping them?
Ami, is is not a dishonor to Scott to be angry with him. You love him, and he made a very selfish choice. He may have felt he was making a sacrifice, but he should have realized he would hurt you terribly too.
(((((((((((Ami))))))))))
Love, Beth
"There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable." Douglas Adams

Ami

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Re: Ami's Anger
« Reply #1 on: April 10, 2008, 12:11:04 PM »
Thank you, Beth, for starting this thread. I will think about it, today and get back later. Thank you so much for your concern.Love   Ami
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.        Eleanor Roosevelt

Most of our problems come from losing contact with our instincts,with the age old wisdom stored within us.
   Carl Jung

gratitude28

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Re: Ami's Anger
« Reply #2 on: April 10, 2008, 01:59:13 PM »
Ami,
I hope I don't hurt you by talking about it. I want to help you only. I hope you know that.
Love, Beth
"There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable." Douglas Adams

Ami

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Re: Ami's Anger
« Reply #3 on: April 10, 2008, 02:35:24 PM »
Dear Beth,
 I am not hurt by honest dialogue. I appreciate it, very much.I have so much to write that I am just thinking about how to begin.It is anger for a lifetime. I know you understand.
    Love   Ami


« Last Edit: April 10, 2008, 02:39:38 PM by Ami »
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.        Eleanor Roosevelt

Most of our problems come from losing contact with our instincts,with the age old wisdom stored within us.
   Carl Jung

Ami

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Re: Ami's Anger
« Reply #4 on: April 11, 2008, 09:03:57 AM »
Dear Beth,
 I have been afraid of anger since I was a little girl. When you have an N parent, anger is not an '"acceptable" emotion.
 With my H, he shut down my anger with rages. Now, after Scott died, I have changed. I lost so much, so what else do I really have to lose?
 I tried to please my M and H and it didn't work. Now, I want to be whole. In order to be whole, you HAVE to make peace with your anger. Also, you can't be afraid of it. It has to be a usable "tool" in your arsenal.
 I told my H that I was very,very angry with him and I was not going to hide it. I was not going to be rude, but I was not going to pretend things I did not feel. He accepted it b/c he knows he cannot  bully me ,anymore.
 I feel better that my anger IS anger and not guilt or depression.
 I think the key is letting anger BE anger and not morphing it in to an "acceptable" emotion like guilt or depression(or addictions). I am just 'sitting" with anger and letting it be . It is not as scary and overwhelming when you accept it and not try to run from it. Anger IS a God given emotion.
 We are afraid of it b/c of our backgrounds.
 I want to make peace with it b/c it wil teach me how to protect myself and I need to learn this lesson.    Love   Ami
« Last Edit: April 11, 2008, 09:13:55 AM by Ami »
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.        Eleanor Roosevelt

Most of our problems come from losing contact with our instincts,with the age old wisdom stored within us.
   Carl Jung

ann3

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Re: Ami's Anger
« Reply #5 on: April 11, 2008, 10:53:57 AM »
I think the key is letting anger BE anger and not morphing it in to an "acceptable" emotion like guilt or depression(or addictions). I am just 'sitting" with anger and letting it be .

Ami,

Very insightful, not to let anger morph into acceptable emotions, just sit with it.
That's wonderful.

love,
annie