Ami's Anger

[gratitude28]

Hey Ami,
I wanted to sttart on a clean page and address some of what you had written (I finally got to read your post!! - I have been MIA lately).
First, do you think part of your anger now is because you are angry with Scott? I really think that there will be a time that you realize you ARE angry with him. No matter what his reason and whom he intended to hurt, he also devastated you. I think this is an issue you will have to face.
May I ask (and please don't answer if it is too painful), how did Scott take his life? You may have said this somewhere, but I missed it. Again, if it hurts too much, just ignore the question.
I was very interested in suicide as a teen. I dreamed about how I would do it, yet I really didn't need the escape quite that much. I remember telling my parents once that I understood why people committed suicide and my mother told me I was stupid.
I think the anger you are feeling is very important and a necessary stage of grieving.
I was also wondering, is your H seeing a therapist? Scott's girlfriend? Your other son? A lot of people were affected. Maybe you can diffuse some anger by helping them?
Ami, is is not a dishonor to Scott to be angry with him. You love him, and he made a very selfish choice. He may have felt he was making a sacrifice, but he should have realized he would hurt you terribly too.
(((((((((((Ami))))))))))
Love, Beth

[Ami]

Thank you, Beth, for starting this thread. I will think about it, today and get back later. Thank you so much for your concern.Love   Ami

[gratitude28]

Ami,
I hope I don't hurt you by talking about it. I want to help you only. I hope you know that.
Love, Beth

[Ami]

Dear Beth,
 I am not hurt by honest dialogue. I appreciate it, very much.I have so much to write that I am just thinking about how to begin.It is anger for a lifetime. I know you understand.
    Love   Ami

[Ami]

Dear Beth,
 I have been afraid of anger since I was a little girl. When you have an N parent, anger is not an '"acceptable" emotion.
 With my H, he shut down my anger with rages. Now, after Scott died, I have changed. I lost so much, so what else do I really have to lose?
 I tried to please my M and H and it didn't work. Now, I want to be whole. In order to be whole, you HAVE to make peace with your anger. Also, you can't be afraid of it. It has to be a usable "tool" in your arsenal.
 I told my H that I was very,very angry with him and I was not going to hide it. I was not going to be rude, but I was not going to pretend things I did not feel. He accepted it b/c he knows he cannot  bully me ,anymore.
 I feel better that my anger IS anger and not guilt or depression.
 I think the key is letting anger BE anger and not morphing it in to an "acceptable" emotion like guilt or depression(or addictions). I am just 'sitting" with anger and letting it be . It is not as scary and overwhelming when you accept it and not try to run from it. Anger IS a God given emotion.
 We are afraid of it b/c of our backgrounds.
 I want to make peace with it b/c it wil teach me how to protect myself and I need to learn this lesson.    Love   Ami

[ann3]

I think the key is letting anger BE anger and not morphing it in to an "acceptable" emotion like guilt or depression(or addictions). I am just 'sitting" with anger and letting it be .

Ami,

Very insightful, not to let anger morph into acceptable emotions, just sit with it.
That's wonderful.

love,
annie