Hello- I guess I set myself up with my N mom and patsy/arrogant dad (the guy is an enigma), but...
I am expecting twins, and made it clear that I don't want my mother's help. This is due to a strict code I'm keeping that when she dumped me from therapy with her, there would be no outside contact until therapy was re-established.
My dad is rich, but lo and behold, he has told me that beyond the first 2 months, he will not pay for part-time or any help. I need to "fix the relationship" I have with my mother first before that will happen. So he and they are using this time of vulnerability and need that I have, where I feel genuinely off balance and scared, to try to scare me more and silence me back into being the needy child who sucked up and took it in the past.
The part that really pisses me off is that I almost took the bait! What the hell is wrong with me? My dad promised that if I patched things up, he would buy a house near us and a full-time housekeeper maid/nanny would live there. The payoff is that my parents would also get to "take care" of the babies when they were in town.
I saw the movie "Flowers in the Attic" recently, and got very spooked. That woman lost herself in trying to fit and prove and belong in both emotional and financial security. Based on a lie. I came sooo close! Suddenly, a voice kicked in my head saying "are you crazy? You'll be more stressed with them here, not less, and your mom could have an 'accident' with a baby", which I don't put past her. So the brakes are on, permanently.
I can't believe I was so blindsided by fear and false support that I almost fell for that offer! Its the same issue time after time, except now I keep my head above water, thank God. I got so...emasculated??? that I gave up my own sense of my own power and didn't believe in myself, and I'm 35!
I'm pissed at them for never being parents and pissed at me for having temporarily chased a carrot on a stick. Its so annoying seeing these rich parents kind of enjoy my struggles. No, they do enjoy my struggles. My mom used to giggle when I told her about a drive-by I witnessed etc. in my old neighborhood before we started doing ok on our own (Pre therapy, pre having a fit...). I can't stand it. To top it off, my NO child sister, who is married to a guy who is mega-loaded (music industry), is getting full financial support from them- big house, monthly stipend, new BMW, WTF??
I am now told I get nothing. No private school for them, no help past 2 months (part-time), nothing. I know its not the biggest deal in the world and people have true struggles, but it hurts my feelings so much that they have the money many times over and choose to punish the grandkids because I am the parent. I don't get it. To also help, I am also thinking of posting at a local senior center to see if anyone wants to be with babies (and me!) for low or no pay. Maybe they miss kids? And I'm going to join the PTA and volunteer at the school someday so that the kids will get good treatment. I'm trying to think ahead and be positive, but it can be very sad for me. This pregnancy has brought up a lot of sadness, but better now than when they're born, I guess.