Do Ns Cry?????

[gratitude28]

Have you ever seen your N cry? I can only remember one time - when my NM faked being mad at me for hurting her feelings. It was so fake, everyone was embarrassed. I have seen her spit in anger, but never cry over anything. Ever. How weird is that??????? I have seen my dad cry. I don't know that I have ever seen my sister cry either.

[debkor]

GS,

Oh yes and I have seen them cry hard and long and do those talk crying cries to where you are trying to make sense.  And yes it was real (for them).  No matter what the situation was it was for (them) and the talking part was listening to thier own words (like usual) even if you were comforting them (they still didn't hear you).  They felt very bad for themselves.

As soon as that passed and it's quick they feel nothing again not even for themselves then they must get back to work, manipulating, lying, hidden agenders, and so on. 

Love
Deb

[debkor]

GS,

Come to think of it although I had seen the crying (real) for them there was always anger in the crying.  Like a 2 year old feeling really bad for themselves and pretty much like a good heart felt tantrum.

Like Angelica from Rug Rats, IT'S NOTTTT FAIRRRRR...... IT'S NOT FAIRRRRRR.

Love
Deb

[mudpuppy]

Do Ns Cry????? 

Yeah, when they get caught.

mud

[Hopalong]

I think Ns feel real pain and even sometimes real love.
Just not real empathy.

My Nmom cried hard when her doggie died.

"I can't believe she's gone."

It was pure grief. Her dog didn't care if she was an N or not, dog loved her.

And, ultimately...grief is about ourselves, our own losses.

I think Ns are carrying a load of grief. They're always losing not just others, but sensing in some echoey way the loss of their own selves, which likely happened very very young...

Hops

[mudpuppy]

Hops,

What is love without empathy? It's no more than love of self only isn't it?
I think Ns have a sentimentality about things but not sure I'd call it love.

mud

[Izzy_*now*]

N trashed my car (unbeknownst to me for 2 days) and trashed the house the same night. He had taken all the Xmas decorations down waiting for me, who he had left in a restaurant because he didn't get his way. Came home and trashed my car in the heavy falling snow and I came home about 1 ½ hours later, after I ate my dinner. (He went hungry.)

He tore off his clothing and ripped it to shreds, threw his good wrist watch and his portable phone against the fireplace, upended and wrecked a plant he had grown from a shoot, poured beer on the floor, doused his cigs in the wet patch, and ripped wall hanging, very old ones, hand crafted by his grandfather and broke them over his knee. Whatever else.

I just watched the exhibition, then he yelled at me that I had spoiled Xmas...the best Xmas ever that he had planned for us then threw himself on the sofa and cried, really cried!

[debkor]

Iz,

So like a child does in a tantrum and afterwards cried like they do? And you reacted like you would with a child in one?

Love
Deb

[darren]

In the six years I was with my ex she cried about 3 times, and all three happened during work when she was called to the managers office and reprimanded for not taking care of her responsibilities, or for sexual harassment charges.  I was always shocked when I saw her do it.  She never cried when I started decided I hated her and highly resented her, or when I wanted to pack my things and go.  It seems she only cried when she got busted for behaving badly.  

I haven't cried myself for a very long time, and the last few times I think I did it felt a bit like I was just feeling sorry for myself, or attempting to solicit some empathy from somebody who had none for me.  

[Izzy_*now*]

Iz,

So like a child does in a tantrum and afterwards cried like they do? And you reacted like you would with a child in one?

Love
Deb

I would call his a full blown childish tantrum, but my child never threw one, so I have no idea what I would have done---maybe fainted from shock?

Izzy

[debkor]

Iz,

Hahh!  I have experienced a few from my kidos. Whoo boy!!!  They were talented with the spin on the floor on a hip going in a circle kicking legs.  I did the same I just looked and waited till it was over.  Ofcourse they cried the same way and eventually passed out from all the hard work and exhaustion.  They did have remorse and sorrow though afterwards and still the same consequence with whatever it was to start the tantrum, even if it was No you can't.  So it got them no where. They learned though.

This is the crying I had seen from N's (mostly tantrums) but I did see my friend cry her eyes out (really) when her father died and say I was his favorite right in front of her sister. 

Love
Deb
 

[gratitude28]

I have just never seen my NM cry - not at death, births, funerals, ceremonies, nothing... She will go on and on about how distressed she is, but there is never a shred of emotion.
So, if all of you are right, and they cry only for themselves and their losses, then why doesn't she even cry for these things? I guess it just doesn't matter to her one way or another what surrounds her????? I am really puzzled, especially when you have said your have cried about something...

[debkor]

GS,

I don't know.  My friend while crying (really crying) said she hated to cry and felt vulnerable. Like she was weak and was angry that she was crying. She also in her (real) crying blanks out like she went to another realm where there is only her because I think there only is.   

When her father died the only time she cried was right when he died and then never again.

Love
Deb

[gjazz]

My NF has cried a couple of times but it's very rare and, I felt, always done with one eye to manipulation.  That said I agree with Hopalong's post here--my NF truly loves his dogs.  They ask nothing of him (his wife feeds and picks up after them) and they show devotion and joy every time he walks in the room.  He even engages in the occasional Grand Gesture with them--a steak or something for dinner.  So while it's not the sort of reciprocal love we get from other people, if we're lucky and work at it, it's probably the best he can do.  And I think he's smart enough to recognize he's missing something.  He cannot experience what others do.  he was brought up by a malignant N as well, and he realizes he's different, I just don't think he necessarily recognizes where it all came from.

[gratitude28]

Gjazz,
My NM is very attahed to her animals too. Even to my dog... more than she is to my kids. I think it is somhow easier for them to deal with animals (no emotional confusion??????). But I don't think I have even ever seen her cry for the animals. She has said she was sad, but I always feel like she is thinking that she can get a new one.
Love, Beth