Author Topic: re-inventing or re-writing my past  (Read 1166 times)

towrite

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re-inventing or re-writing my past
« on: April 15, 2008, 09:59:07 AM »
I've decided to re-write my past. I'm going to take every bad memory I have involving my NPs and rewrite it the way I wished it it been or the way it would have been healthy for me. There are so many things I love that I am blocked from doing because of some intense fear. This rewriting, my therapist says, is a good way to nurture myself. It will show I have the capacity of a "good" parent inside me, something I've feared for a long time. I mean, I've feared I didn't have it. It won't be a chronology or in any kind of order, and it may be just snippets of my past, strung together. But I am going to do it.

My friend that I am living with has become very depressed and it's affecting me. I am trying to hold myself separate, to maintain my boundaries and keep my "zipper on the inside". It's hard.

towrite
"An unexamined life is a wasted life."
                                  Socrates
Time wounds all heels.

Gaining Strength

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Re: re-inventing or re-writing my past
« Reply #1 on: April 15, 2008, 12:22:28 PM »
ToWrite - I am with you on both accounts.  In my (ridiculously long) post on shame today, I describe a Memory (?) or image from age 6 that came to me in a rewriting moment.  I did not will it but used an image that came to me.  I have been doing this every now and then with images that come to me.  It has been so, so helpful - in two distinct ways: it helps alleviate the fear of old shaming memories (now that I can rewrite them I do not fear re-experiencing the shame that they bring up) and it gives me a new "memory" that is pleasant and not painful.

On the issue of your friend's depression - as someone who has suffered from debilitating, clinical depression I am fully aware of how infectious another's depression can be - especially when you are in close proximity for an extended period.  One way to protect yourself is to put up a psychological barrier.  You can invision it as an invisible shield that bounces the depression off of you and protects you.  If you are interested in a biblical passage that can help with this read Ephesians 6:10-24.  It is about putting on God's armor as a protection from "the cosmic powers of this present darkness."  I have found it helpful.

My thoughts are with you.  Even in your dark struggle you are finding ways to survive.  but I see you as being on the path to triumph which is much greater than mere survival.

yours,
Gaining Strength

ann3

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Re: re-inventing or re-writing my past
« Reply #2 on: April 15, 2008, 12:32:09 PM »
Hi Towrite,

I agree with Amber and GS. Wish I had the mental energy & courage to re-write disturbing past memories.  My desire is for the opposite:  wipe my memory bank clean, have no memories at all, a blank slate.  Probably unhealthy and impossible to do.

Sorry you're absorbing your friend's depression.  I agree the best thing is internal psychological/emotional boundaries.

Best to you.

ann

seasons

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Re: re-inventing or re-writing my past
« Reply #3 on: April 15, 2008, 01:31:04 PM »
Hi Towrite,

That sounds for interesting and cleansing. ((Strength)) to you as you rewrite your past, making way for a loving future.

Keep up your boundaries. Best wishes seasons
"Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak Kindly. Leave the Rest to God."
Maya Angelou

Gaining Strength

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Re: re-inventing or re-writing my past
« Reply #4 on: April 15, 2008, 02:02:02 PM »
Ann3

My desire is for the opposite:  wipe my memory bank clean, have no memories at all, a blank slate.  Probably unhealthy and impossible to do.

I wish you a reprieve and protection from your memories - a sort of "virtual" clean memory bank while you fortify yourself until you have the strength and desire to re-write.

Yours,
Gaining Strength

Ami

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Re: re-inventing or re-writing my past
« Reply #5 on: April 15, 2008, 06:48:25 PM »
Dear Kate,
 I am wishing you healing,as you undertake this venture. I think that facing truths IS  the healer .
 I am beside you, as you walk down the road to freedom, dear friend.     Love   Ami
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.        Eleanor Roosevelt

Most of our problems come from losing contact with our instincts,with the age old wisdom stored within us.
   Carl Jung