Why when people tell us to be gentle to ourselves does it evoke shame?

[Ami]

Look at my recent interaction. WAS it MY fault? Case closed. It was clearer  and ,perhaps easier to see ,in this case,BUT it is the same in all cases.   Love    Ami


(((((((Lise))))))))

[Gabben]

NO -- it was NOT your fault.

[Ami]

It is NOT your fault either. Mine is just EASIER  to see.     Love   Ami

[ann3]

It is as if I want to tell people "Yes, I know I am hard on myself, I know that I can't love or respect myself but please be patient with me, self can't overcome self."

Lise,
This is so beautiful, like lyrics to a song, a song I will sing to myself, about myself.  If you feel safe, why not say this to people who you feel down you for not self caring?

I know she loved me but her love was tainted with toxin.  On GS's Shame thread, GS wrote about how her parents taught her a toxic definition of love.  I think this may be true for many of us. It is definately true for me.

I'm sorry you're in so much pain.  This work is painful, but I know you will come out of it with self love and peace. 

love, annie

[Gabben]

I'm sorry you're in so much pain.  This work is painful, but I know you will come out of it with self love and peace. 

Dear ann3:

Thank you. Sometimes I can see a light at the end of this long tunnel but then I realize that the light is just another of my delusions and I am still in the muck of my pain.  About a year ago, the very deep layer pain started, it has barely let up, infant, toddler and womb memories and more memories erupt weekly. From time to time I hit an oasis, some peace and rest that resembles self-discipline comes my way. Then I get another hit from N saint which triggers another layer of pain and memories - the healing starts again. Some memories are from my teenage years, the trauma of my mom's N love.

But really this time I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, it is very dim and sometimes obscured by large rocks, but I know it is there.

This last round of darkness, shame, pain and hurt is the blackest yet...but interestingly I can handle it because of all of the other painful stuff that I have gone through.

Peace and hugs to you,
Lise

[Gaining Strength]

but that insight brings relief.
Hold on to this Gabben.


But really this time I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, it is very dim and sometimes obscured by large rocks, but I know it is there.

This last round of darkness, shame, pain and hurt is the blackest yet...but interestingly I can handle it because of all of the other painful stuff that I have gone through.

It is my belief that healing is a spiral UP just as some of the wounding has been a spiral DOWN.  So as we spiral UP there are dark times until we come full circle again into the light.  Once I saw this pattern repeat itself over and over I became more able to withstand the darkest darkness - just because I KNEW the light was coming.  The light is not a delusion - it is real - it only seems to be fleeting because  in the spiral there are sections that take you through darkness.

I believe you are getting there.

[Ami]

((((((((((GS, Ann, Iphi, Lise)))))))))))))         Love   Ami

[Certain Hope]

((((((((Lise))))))))

With gas prices so high, I've been spending alot of time, lately, just waiting - sometimes walking and praying - while the kids have their practices, etc.
Just mentioning that because it struck me how God can use something as aggravating as the high cost of fuel to bless our lives   It's definitely brought changes to my routine and offered many opportunities to be still and ponder, read, meditate, pray... to simply be. 
Anyhow, last night as I sat in a parking lot with no one else around, I began to read the Psalms... aloud. Wow, is that powerful!
Just hearing these words of truth lifted me up and out of myself, expanding my vision and easing the burdens of the day. Sharper than a two-edged sword, you know? Absolutely, positively, the daily bread - the sustenance without which I'd starve. Got to Psalm 31 and thought of you so strongly... the whole thing, and especially this part:

18  Let the lying lips be put to silence; which speak grievous things proudly and contemptuously against the righteous.

19  Oh how great is thy goodness, which thou hast laid up for them that fear thee; which thou hast wrought for them that trust in thee before the sons of men!

20  Thou shalt hide them in the secret of thy presence from the pride of man: thou shalt keep them secretly in a pavilion from the strife of tongues.

24 Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart, all ye that hope in the LORD.


I hope that you will continue to increase in comfort, peace, and strength, dear Lise.

Love,
Carolyn

[towrite]

Yes, Lise, I did. It's called "Trick or Treatment: How to recognize and stop therapy abuse."

Kate

[Gabben]

((((((((Lise))))))))

With gas prices so high, I've been spending alot of time, lately, just waiting - sometimes walking and praying - while the kids have their practices, etc.
Just mentioning that because it struck me how God can use something as aggravating as the high cost of fuel to bless our lives   It's definitely brought changes to my routine and offered many opportunities to be still and ponder, read, meditate, pray... to simply be. 
Anyhow, last night as I sat in a parking lot with no one else around, I began to read the Psalms... aloud. Wow, is that powerful!
Just hearing these words of truth lifted me up and out of myself, expanding my vision and easing the burdens of the day. Sharper than a two-edged sword, you know? Absolutely, positively, the daily bread - the sustenance without which I'd starve. Got to Psalm 31 and thought of you so strongly... the whole thing, and especially this part:

18  Let the lying lips be put to silence; which speak grievous things proudly and contemptuously against the righteous.

19  Oh how great is thy goodness, which thou hast laid up for them that fear thee; which thou hast wrought for them that trust in thee before the sons of men!

20  Thou shalt hide them in the secret of thy presence from the pride of man: thou shalt keep them secretly in a pavilion from the strife of tongues.

24 Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart, all ye that hope in the LORD.


I hope that you will continue to increase in comfort, peace, and strength, dear Lise.

Love,
Carolyn

Carolyn,

The walking instead of driving sounds nice

Those quotes are wonderful and very poignant. Just this past weekend found myself reading psalm 30 -- my hope is that deliverance is just around the corner but I'm not crossing my fingers just yet. I may have to do some fasting to get a break through on this one.

One of the ideas that has tormented me is that N saint works now with post-abortive men and woman, these are hurting people who deserve real love and real attention. She no doubt just sees these people as easy N supply or see's them as the ideal prey, vulnerable, emotionally needy.  The attention will be all on her and all about her. Is that not amazing that she cannot even empathize with people and yet she is doing emotional healing work and trauma healing?!? -- I pray for the men and woman everyday -- I trust God knows what he is doing.

I'm growing - lately when I pray I just hear God saying to me to be patient and that I am in a recovery stage right now of healing trauma. In other words I am in high alert stage and high stress stage. I could hear God saying that if the best I could do is nothing than that is good enough for Him. He says I'll get better with time and the release of all of these shameful toxins takes time.

Today is a bit better of a day for me

Lise

[Gabben]

but that insight brings relief.
Hold on to this Gabben.


But really this time I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, it is very dim and sometimes obscured by large rocks, but I know it is there.

This last round of darkness, shame, pain and hurt is the blackest yet...but interestingly I can handle it because of all of the other painful stuff that I have gone through.

It is my belief that healing is a spiral UP just as some of the wounding has been a spiral DOWN.  So as we spiral UP there are dark times until we come full circle again into the light.  Once I saw this pattern repeat itself over and over I became more able to withstand the darkest darkness - just because I KNEW the light was coming.  The light is not a delusion - it is real - it only seems to be fleeting because  in the spiral there are sections that take you through darkness.

I believe you are getting there.

GS -- Thanks for your encouragement and sharing this. It is almost as if the more we become healthier ,the more we can take, and then God starts unloading the hard stuff saying  -- "process this."

Lise