I have had some more breakthroughs.
I talked to my M ,this morning. She owned HOW she was as a M. My friend, beyond smart(lol), showed me just how manipulative my M was. I saw how sly she was,finally.
She owned many things that she had previously 'thrown" on me. It really helps if the N CAN own things. Vaknin says as the N gets older, s/times they can change. I don't know. I just know that it does help to put back ON her what WAS hers,
My H and Ann decided that he cannot put emotional issues on me. That has ended, Thank Goodness and thank you to sweet friends, here, for your love.
It is so wonderful not to be alone. The people on the board understand N's and thus understand the life experience you HAVE . I realized ,yesterday, that a person ,with non N parents, simply cannot understand the experience with an N parent. I am not going to try to "go there'any more ,with 3 D friends, who simply cannot understand.
The mothers in the grief support group understand my experience with Scott and another mother cannot. It would be impossible, no matter how hard they would try.
That is understood by people. The N parents is exactly the same. S/one HAS to have lived it. If I expect s/one to understand, I will be dissapointed and feel a rift with that person. If I know they can't,I will enjoy our relationship,on other levels.
That was a big breakthrough. Love Ami