Hiya Spirit, I better apologise right now, this is a huge post. I got to thinking about you and well…(I got to thinking about Cj too, I hope he’s okay)…..
My present counsellor who again I believe is not too sure if he wants to take me.. ( in fact he has refered me to the therapists in the hospital) asked if I had come to counselling despite my earlier experiences..
Perhaps he’s not sure if he has the experience and knowledge to counsel you? That may be why he has referred you to the therapists. Your experiences may well be outside his competence.
Am I addict to abuse ? I feel very very vulnerable. I am right now trying to figure out details about my past counsellor cos I don't know anything about her and I even believed that it was normal.
I'm ignorant about lots of things. I haven’t learned about lots of things – like recent history and politics and er psychology and gardening and fashion and what the heck is a ‘cuticle pen’ anyway. But I do know what a mortgage is and the best types! And if you were here Spirit I could knock you up a decent meal (not great, just decent).
Not having the knowledge doesn’t make us stupid, just ignorant in the not-knowing sense. But we can learn.
Of course you believed your counsellor was normal – you had no information to the contrary. It’s not being stupid (you said you felt stupid earlier), just a lack of information. Hey, I’ve been surfing while leaving this post aside and I’ve just found you can buy a copy of the American ‘Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders DSM-IV’ for $19 on Amazon.com. I’m amazed! I had no idea that this was in the public domain. I kinda presumed that it was reserved for students, health workers etc. That shows my level of ignorance eh? (And my outmoded childhood tape/belief that things like that are only for those in authority, adults, professionals.) Not that I’m going to buy it: I think there are more appropriate books for me to spend my £s on. Thanks Spirit, your post caused an interesting and fruitful diversion for me there!
Anyway, back to you….
I am not going to trust the NHS aswell.. nor the GP nor my present counsellor.. I have decided to go for second opinions even if I feel I really need to trust the counsellor to heel..second opinion meaning I will ask questions and double check that the person I might talk is not abusive..ask the GP about the counselling body perhaps.. and the counselling body about the NHS etc but me not being the best of judges it is going to be tough and I will be earning the 'bad patient' reputation.. it is like catch 22
any advices ? also anybody know why the NHS / BACP so confusing and not transparent ? I always get a feeling that that never give meaningful answers.
What does ‘trust’ mean to you Spirit? I have problems with ‘trust’ and ‘commitment’. But I sort of decide to trust people until they prove me wrong (innocent until proven guilty?). Having said that, to make any decision, I need to gather all the information, facts, before I can decide. And strike a balance between what good might come of it and what might go wrong. Take a measured risk I guess.
I admit I don’t think much of our mental health services in the UK, but I only know very little.
Disclaimer – this opinion based on very little information and therefore probably wrong! Usually to get serious help free on the National Health Service a person needs to be in danger of harming others or themselves. And if you aren’t ‘sectioned’, I’m guessing that any free service is closely aligned to the possibility of harming others or yourself.
So when they assess you, it will be on that criteria – are you a danger? If you aren’t, the free help you receive may (I’m guessing) be limited. It’s not that you are being judged by the NHS, it’s simple a matter of prioritising. There are people murdering and suiciding or those who are potential harmers who qualify for the most intensive help. If - and I hope this doesn’t happen but it might - you don’t receive very much help, it’ll be because in the eyes of the NHS, you simply don’t need it, you won’t be sick enough!
I agree with asking lots of questions to get at the facts, like: ‘have you worked with abused adult children before?’ for example.
but me not being the best of judges
and who is? Hey you’ve got more experiences than me, that probably makes you a much better judge than me in this area. That priest could walk all over me for quite a while, but not you now I guess? You’d know better? Making mistakes is okay, that’s how we learn. The worse thing is to do nothing out of fear of getting it ‘wrong’. Then we stop learning. I’m a rubbish judge of people, honest. That’s just me. But I can learn to be a better one, just need more experience and take the time to think about relationships and what happens in them. It’s not easy, it’s hard work, but it must be worth it?
I will be earning the 'bad patient' reputation
What does this mean to you? What is a bad patient? One who doesn’t conform, who doesn’t get ‘better’ based on someone else’s timescale? Mental health isn’t competitive and it isn’t like fixing a broken leg.
There is no one correct way to counsel someone, or go through therapy with them. There really isn’t. Lots of published psychotherapists say this. It’s about how the patient and therapist connect with each other and how experienced and flexible the therapist is, amongst other things. And there is no such thing as a ‘bad patient’. Even if there were, it wouldn’t be you. Hey
it would be your mother and father! And that {expletive not typed} priest. Now they could be ‘bad’ patients, if they wouldn’t see anything awry about themselves in the first place. Recognising that you want help and
wanting to change yourself make you a great patient. The best!
(But what do I know? It's easy to read this, understand it and write it here, but to do it? Very difficult.)
know why the NHS / BACP so confusing and not transparent ?
I used to work in a confuse-opoly. The kind of place where we used to write customer information in very small print, in language so obtuse that hopefully the customers couldn’t work out what it meant. ‘Put your money with us and get 10% a year return’ – the small print said, in legal lingo, ‘but you might lose all your money too’. Disgraceful. I won’t work like that again. So why are they confusing and not transparent?
Because mental health services in the UK are in a mess. They’re in their infancy, it ain’t like the States (which of course is perfect yes? There's another one of my incorrect beliefs!). We don’t have insurance at work that really covers us for therapy – well some, but you have to be in complete breakdown mode before it kicks in – i.e. unable to function at work, in society. It‘s not confusing to confuse on purpose, it’s simply under-funded and run, like many things, by folks who are overworked, or looking after their own interests or simply trying to do a good job against the odds. It’s not a conspiracy, it’s
incompetence. We have to work around it, accept it's not perfect.
I didn’t mean to ramble on your thread Spirit but I have. Maybe some of this highly-opinionated stuff might help. Take it with a pinch of salt, I haven’t done any research, it’s just what I’ve gleaned from Radio 4, stuff I’ve heard second-hand etc.
But good luck. Take whatever help you can get. Ask questions. And keep coming back here for lots of opinions. If you worry about what a counsellor says, why not ask here? Lots of people here to give an opinion back. Use the board like another counsellor. What do you think Spirit? Hope I haven’t put you off the NHS – it’s there to be used and I really want you to get good value out of it. And then tell us about it coz I can learn from what you say. I’d love to know what goes on so I have some more information about it all. Maybe you can put me right and tell me it’s fantastic! I hope so. Very best wishes P
