Ami,
I forgot something I wanted to tell you:
There is an excellent, excellent book that I read recently: The Drama of the Gifted Child, by Alice ... darned, I can never remember her last name. I want to say Miller. Not sure if that's correct. I get mixed up with Alice Waters, the chef. (LOL.)
I had known about the book for years but never read it; I did so after my experience with my N pastor this winter. It is so provocative and I found it possibly the most insightful book I have ever read. (I stopped reading self-help books, mostly, about 20 years ago. Most of what we need is not in the books, although they can be helpful; it's in doing "the work." And you have to consider that many of them are done for a highly personal agenda. Not so this book.)
It was written for therapists to evaluate their own selves to assist their work as therapists. However, anyone can read it. I have a cornea problem that makes it very difficult for me to read -- although I used to be a voracious reader -- but I'll tell you, this book was so captivating, and spoke to me so well, that I read it almost without stopping. And I plan to go back and read it again, soon.
I don't know if it will speak to you as well, but I found it helpful in understanding both the N and especially myself, since I'm the opposite of an N. (Although he and I are in so many ways the same person; there's just some point at which he turned left and I turned right; or maybe he stopped and went on, or maybe both, I don't know).
At any rate, I found in this book the big messages of what I now need to change in my life; it really helped me understand my experience with my family a lot. There were no Ns in my family, but some of the patterns are similar and what she talks about is certainly true.
So, I highly recommend it. If you could only read one book that's what I would recommend; just keep in mind that I come from a slightly different point of view since I didn't have to contend with Ns in my family.
