Author Topic: Finding a new voice....  (Read 1437 times)

Pixie

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Finding a new voice....
« on: August 10, 2004, 09:02:45 PM »
I just found this website as I have been surfing in my journey towards healing. I am going the process of divorcing a narcisscist and have learned along the way that I picked a spouse that matched the pattern I had been programmed to believe in by my narcisscistic mother. I still deal with a good deal of pain as I try to sort it all out and realize that I'm OK  :wink:
I am trying to figure out how to get the degrees of seperation that I need from my mother. I have been trying to deal with the double loss of a spouse and a parent, such as they are. I have found a good counselor that has been helpful. I feel as if I am finally getting myself back.
The hardest parts to deal with are the obession that my mother and ex have with each other. there are days when it seems unreal and like it is all a bad novel. The drama is something I can do without, and I am tired of being a victim as I work my way free. The more steps I take towards freedom, the more attempts are made to reel me back in, it seems.
I am happy to have found a place that seems as if it will offer support and advice.
I thank everyone for their courage to discuss what they have gone through.
Pix

Anonymous

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Finding a new voice....
« Reply #1 on: August 10, 2004, 09:18:27 PM »
Welcome!

bunny

Dawning

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Finding a new voice....
« Reply #2 on: August 10, 2004, 09:45:22 PM »
Welcome Pixie.   :)

Quote
I am trying to figure out how to get the degrees of seperation that I need from my mother. I have been trying to deal with the double loss of a spouse and a parent, such as they are. I have found a good counselor that has been helpful. I feel as if I am finally getting myself back.


The last sentence really pops out!  I'm so happy that you feel this way.  Ditto on the first sentence and look forward to hearing from you about that. I've also just gotten out of a very unhealthy 6 year relationship with someone.  I'm glad you found a "good" counsellor too.  I think I have as well.  The former one was creepy - she didn't recommend any kind of action even when I told her about some of the abuses of my ex-partner.

Quote
The hardest parts to deal with are the obession that my mother and ex have with each other.


I can imagine how hard this must be.  My nmother had this too with my first long-term relationship.  Because he came from a big roman catholic family, after our split-up he went into their fold ,otherwise, I am sure he would have been compelled to go to my nmother for support which she would have gladly given him.   But I guess in nmother's mind, I don't deserve any support.  I am just here to be *used.*  NOT   :x  :x  

You must be doing the right things -for you - if they are trying to reel you back in.  That is what happens when we start getting healthier!!!  Way to go, Pix.  Nevertheless, it is sad to have to go though this crap with people who were supposed to love us and treat us well - esp parents.  

Anyway, I am glad you see the dynamic.  I'm glad you are seeing a counsellor and I am so glad you are *aware* of what is happening.

Best of Luck.
"No one's life is worth more than any other...no sister is less than any brother...."