Bi-sexuality

[gnostikos]

Did someone say something about the instability of a bisexual, as if the relationship was an illusion?

Where did that come from.

Bisexuality is a healthy orientation, a very natural one, where you can be attracted to either sex.  It seems odd to me, as a bisexual, that some people are unable to be sexually attracted to one sex or the other.  It seems to be a rigidity of some sort, a matter of programming or perhaps a defense.

There is no ordinary or natural reason I can think of to be repulsed at the idea of sex with one sex or the other, other than programming, repulsion at either one's own or the other sex's pheremones, some odd prejudice founded in the brains reaction to certain body patterns, or response to trauma.  Repulsion towards homo-hetero-or-bi-sexuality seems arbitrary.  Simple lack of interest in one sex or another would seem to be possibly about one's environment, programming, or hormones, etc.

Did I hear someone act like bisexuality was inherently unhealthy or indicating immaturity, instability, or unresolved mental health issues?  Or did I read into it, as I was skimming?

[Anonymous]

The original poster has been in relationships with extremely unstable women. One, or maybe more than one of his partners has cheated on him with other women. I was trying to tell him that bisexuality was not the problem in his relationships. Instability/BPD was the problem.

Hope that clears it up.

bunny

[gnostikos]

Ahh, then yes, I heard it wrong.

You are right on.  A bisexual can choose to restrain themselves, or not, and interpersonal relationships, including sexual relationships, can be sustained with different sorts of agreements.

If the agreement you desire, is not clear, then clarifying the agreement that you feel is essential to the relationship, will help in setting boundaries or deciding that the nature of therelationship you desire is not agreeable to your partner.  If the expectations of the relationship were already clear, then the issue is that instability or disregard for the relationship, or something, not the bisexuality.

[Anonymous]

Yes Bunny, I did walk into my home one night when I wasn't supposed to be their and found my gf in bed with one of her female mates and another guy. I guessed something was going to happen, but I hadn't guessed at the threesome. I also hadn't guessed upon the fact that my gf would have being deliberately leading the other two into the situation. She was the ring leader. I won't go into how I know this, but I kind of guessed something was going to happen whilst I was away on business.

Of course I was shocked...to the point that I was very calm on the surface! Shocked not because of finding them, but because of her and what she was doing. So much so, I didn't even raise my voice, I just left.

I

We been together for some 5 years and during them we'd kindof talked about stuff like the above in round about ways. She had a son from a previous marriage and we'd once got into a conversation about what if he or one of my daughters turned out to be gay. Her response was akin to slapping someone in the face! She looked at me with a sort of strained look on her face an immediately told me that she'd denounce him right away! She'd have nothing more to do with him and she wasn't joking! I took this and a few other things she said to mean that homosexuality repulsed her! Boy how wrong can you be! Our relationship ended.

But homosexuality or the banner newspaper headline indicating 1 in  3 women of a certain age group ar Bi, isn't the main reasons why I started this thread. I was in a relationship with a woman who on the one hand was repulsed by the aforementioned, whilst on the other, she had actively engaged in a bi-sexual act on at least two occassions. Was she at odds with herself? Was she on the surface playing the game that everyone expected of her, whilst secretly wanting the opposite?

Anyway, our relationship was turbulent at the best of times. Reflecting after it was over as to why we'd failed, I'd often found myself coming back to the fact that maybe she was unfulfilled. Maybe she couldn't tell me that she needed more out of a relationship. Maybe she couldn't except that she had lesbian needs. Maybe she was living with me for money reasons rather than love. Maybe...........christ I got a brain ache and stopped asking why!

We live in a time when less is expected of us than ever before. 35 years ago if you weren't married by 21, it was a talking point. If you weren't married by 25, you were gay or going to be a spinster! Society wanted us to conform to what was laid down in history. It didn't want us to develop our futures. How many people were married, living together with children, who were secretly suppressing their identities.... at least subconsciously? How many couple were argueing like hell without realising that biologically, they really weren't suited? HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE DOING THE SAME THING TODAY BECAUSE THEY'VE BEEN PROGRAMMED BY THEIR PEER GROUP?

I write in capitals because I believe that now, as then, men and women are trying to conform to preset way of doing things. However modern day living in the 21st century is encouraging people to ask....why! Religion is out and freer living is in! We accept homosexuals, lesbians, cross-dressers, trans, Bi.....whatever as been normal! Then we didn't. Then a lot of people probably had to suppress and hide their true feelings. A lot of people were lying, especially to their nearest and dearest! A great many still have to....I suspect especially those who are Bi-Sexual!

WHY DO YOUNG MEN AND WOMEN EXPECT TO MARRY AND HAVE CHILDREN......BECAUSE THEY'RE TRYING TO CONFORM!

So when I read of peoples troubled issues....especially on here, I wonder if other things are operating subconsciously in their backgrounds! I wonder if they even know! I ask myself if the person concerned who is having relationship difficulties with her man, may not secretly be seeking to detach for reasons she doesn't understand?

My gf was in bed with these two people because she wanted to be! She was driven by the least the fact that she liked/needed to do this! She kept it from me because she new, just as with her family, that I wouldn't approve! She didn't want to look bad in other peoples eyes. But she didn't want to deny herself. She couldn't talk to me about it, she had to live a secret life in part! I was part of her problem!

Although very attractive with all the right things in the.....erm.....right places, I always felt that she was masculine! Not butch, but not very girlie. She didn't like dressing in skirts and heels.....more jeans and jumpers. We clashed a lot over things like this. I was/am a typical programmed man......me man, you woman kind of programme! That's why I wrote that I'm a dinosaur.........but one that's come round the corner and woke up to reality!

No more do I look back at life as to how things should be. I've let go and embraced the future. It's not what has been anymore; it's what it's going to be!

On a seperate note, I don't speak with this girl anymore! Not because of what she did, more because she couldn't give a damn about anyone else but herself! A product of today's living......me, me, me! She used me financially....and then some.....but I let her because I confussed things!

[Anonymous]

Onyx,

My thoughts...

(1) Most women get married and have children because they long for marriage and family. Sorry if this sounds simple but I think it is.

(2) I don't think your ex-gf was unfulfilled and therefore promiscuously cheated on you. I think she was unbalanced, unstable, chaotic, and emotionally screwed up. This caused her to "act out" sexually and in other ways.

(3) People with borderline personalities tend to be very exploitive, cruel, and manipulative.

(4) In order to avoid being cheated on in a relationship, you need to find a woman of integrity, honor, and emotional stability.

bunny

[Anonymous]

Bunny

In an ideal world, you're right. But you know what I'm going to say...so I won't . Of course you're right...and are very representative of an ever decreasing minority these days. Here in the UK, 30% of women who attended night clubs 35 years ago were not Bi-sexual. That's is in complete contrast to today's number; 30% are!

I've attempted to combine statistical divorce rates with a news papers research in order to give some air to a possible theory. I've also introduced the decline is our christian faith as having a direct impact on our moral values. Strong religious faith equals strong morals. Our christian faith has nose dived into the conrete...so have our morals and values. You just happen to be one of the few yet to give in .

Possessing few morals, gives way to many things. Of which girls today are rapidly re-addressing previous boundaries. These are being totally redrawn in ways that would have been totally unacceptable 35 years ago. Then, there was a difference between men and women and the rolls they played in family. Now there increasing exists and almost unisex 'Gap' culture of approaching relationships. For many it's no longer a case of being virtueous and pure...quite the opposite. By the time most couples marry these days, they will have explored a number of sexual partners and full time relationships/marriages before.

We can't ignore the additional stress's modern day relationships place upon the individual. I believe that what most women you say aspire to...don't after a period of time! I say that women deep down no longer need the security of a man in order to live their lives. I say that this is one of the main factors for women departing a marriage. I say that mostly they want to explore their lives free from pre ordained thoughts and conformity to what once was, but is no longer.

I say that women are evolving, whilst men are having to adapt! Men are slow to adapt, insecure and imature generally. Women are frightened by their men folks anger and often inability to adapt! When a women wants to exit a relationship for whatever reason, it's the male ego that she most fears from. Men are generally, absolutely crap at handling rejection! A lot of the stuff I've read on here actually refer to mens inability to accept change. This then leads to their denial and subsequent torture of their ex partner for dumping their egos.

I've referred to two relationship in my posting on here. One turned out to be with a Bi girl. Years later, I met another girl who it turned out, had a terrible childhood. Like so many things, it's only when you've got to know the person really well, when the truth starts to emerge   ! The first girl was just a user. The second...well that's a sad and ongoing situation.

I've learned a lot over the years and strangely enough, I've learned to know me better. Oh yes I've focused out and onto others, but over time, I slowly started to take a good, long, hard look at myself! Some good,  some not so. Where I've really grown as a person though, is in being less judgemental of others. Less biggotted and intollerent and much more open in my view.

I was programmed as a child to believe in things that whilst very moralistic....were way too narrow in practice. In dumping what I was brainwashed to accept, my eyes now see the full spectrum of colours rather than the narrow shafts of intollerance.

Onyx

[Onyx]

.....and by the way Bunny, the first girl that I referred to didn't cheat! She finally accepted that she could no longer continue to deny who she was! In the end, she did us both a big favour. Many people continue to lie to each other in such circumstances for a life time! Now that's cheating

David

[Anonymous]

Here in the UK, 30% of women who attended night clubs 35 years ago were not Bi-sexual. That's is in complete contrast to today's number; 30% are!

Do you only seek out women in nightclubs?

I've attempted to combine statistical divorce rates with a newspapers research in order to give some air to a possible theory. I've also introduced the decline is our christian faith as having a direct impact on our moral values. Strong religious faith equals strong morals. Our christian faith has nose dived into the conrete...so have our morals and values. You just happen to be one of the few yet to give in .!

Statistics and theories cannot prevent you from meeting a decent woman. According to statistics, a woman my age, living where I lived, should never have found a husband. Well, I did. BTW I'm Jewish.

Possessing few morals, gives way to many things. Of which girls today are rapidly re-addressing previous boundaries. These are being totally redrawn in ways that would have been totally unacceptable 35 years ago. Then, there was a difference between men and women and the rolls they played in family. Now there increasing exists and almost unisex 'Gap' culture of approaching relationships. For many it's no longer a case of being virtueous and pure...quite the opposite. By the time most couples marry these days, they will have explored a number of sexual partners and full time relationships/marriages before.

This doesn't prevent you from meeting a good woman. Unless you decide that all women are immoral floozies bisexually cavorting in nightclubs.

We can't ignore the additional stress's modern day relationships place upon the individual. I believe that what most women you say aspire to...don't after a period of time! I say that women deep down no longer need the security of a man in order to live their lives. I say that this is one of the main factors for women departing a marriage. I say that mostly they want to explore their lives free from pre ordained thoughts and conformity to what once was, but is no longer.

Does this prevent you from meeting and forming a relationship with a nice woman?

I say that women are evolving, whilst men are having to adapt! Men are slow to adapt, insecure and imature generally. Women are frightened by their men folks anger and often inability to adapt! When a women wants to exit a relationship for whatever reason, it's the male ego that she most fears from. Men are generally, absolutely crap at handling rejection! A lot of the stuff I've read on here actually refer to mens inability to accept change. This then leads to their denial and subsequent torture of their ex partner for dumping their egos.

I'm not sure how this affects your meeting a woman and having a relationship.

I've referred to two relationship in my posting on here. One turned out to be with a Bi girl. Years later, I met another girl who it turned out, had a terrible childhood. Like so many things, it's only when you've got to know the person really well, when the truth starts to emerge   ! The first girl was just a user. The second...well that's a sad and ongoing situation.

This wasn't bad luck, it was your attraction to rescuing troubled women and ignoring red flags.

I've learned a lot over the years and strangely enough, I've learned to know me better. Oh yes I've focused out and onto others, but over time, I slowly started to take a good, long, hard look at myself! Some good,  some not so. Where I've really grown as a person though, is in being less judgemental of others. Less bigoted and intolerent and much more open in my view.

It's good to be non-bigoted but I hope you are very choosy and discriminating when it comes to women. Do use your judgment there.

bunny

[Onyx]

Honey Bunny

I'm not talking about some issue that I have; I think you're missing the point! No I don't frequent Night Clubs or have hang ups about the female gender. Yes I have had a number of relationships and yes one or two of them have got me thinking. It would appear Bunny that you have a limited ability to 'think out of the box'. I'm offering a theory, an idea, a thought...not an inability to pick up the right kind of women.

The 21st century is upon us. Facts are facts. Things ain't what they used to be...not for all of us anyway. I'm attempting to give life to a particular thought....and if you read this thread again....I'm not putting women or myself down.

It's a tread, not a problem that I have an issue with....just a thread Bunny.

 

Onyx aka David

[Anonymous]

Sure the 21st century is here. I thought you were using the nightclubs to prove a point about how women are now bisexual. I happen to think it's (a) a small sampling of women; (b) a very specific subset of women; and (c) 99.9% of these studies are total crap. I don't think you're putting anyone down. I saw it as simply not making much sense.

bunny