Nice topic!
There were four of us, three older girls and the younger son. The girls knew, especially the two older ones, that we were created by accident, for my parents wanted sons to pass on teh family name. I could go on a bit about that, but it would not be positive in nature. I am the oldest.
We all have our survival methods of self actualization. My next younger sister and I have had extensive counseling over the years. She started in her early 20s, and I started in my late 40s. I am not needing it now except only occasionally as a "booster" but she is in it still on a weekly basis. She has a tendency to be bossy; it is a way she relates to love in some respect. I read about it in something Dr. GRossman wrote. (I also read about me, for in my younger years I was completely submissive, the quiet one who moved in and out with out notice. ) This sister has not been able to maintain a relationship due to the bossy behavior. She lives near mother and daddy and is angry because she ends up taking care of mother and did daddy before he died. She cannot tolerate though someone else doing it.
My youngest sister could sing beautifully as a child, thus got loads of love and attention when she, with her curly hair bobbing, performed in front of anyone who came to see us. It was phenominal to watch the attention, love, and admiration from parents and wonder why I did not get any. When the son got older, the attention for her abruptly stopped. She has not figured it out yet I am sorry to say. So, now, she has substituted a Heavenly Father for our earthly parent's attention. She sings and preaches fundamentalist Christianity to whomever will listen. I have seen her literally take the headphones off of a stranger in a waiting room at the hospital and sing to him...he ws horrified. I had to leave the room laughing.
The son walks on water as far as decesased father and living mother are concerned. He was a multi millionaire at age 6 and my first child was a welfare baby. You get the idea. Money was love and power in my birth family.
We siblings do love each other, but as far as respecting our individual methods of survival in this earth, well, not all understand each other's methods. Taht makes it challenging. The son has trouble with one sister who bosses him a bit, but they are more alike though than the rest of us. I will not tolerate the younger sister's version of Christianity thrust at me so I stay clear. She is bitchy one minute and prays for your soul the next. Lots of internal anger. The bossy sister is truly trying to understand but so far has not, but she is getting there. THe son I feel has very N tendencies and is living through his own son for he talks of him incessently and not a lot about his daughter unless she is some sort of top achiever in some area. All think I am a bit odd, for I am going my own way at this point in life for it is all that will work for me. I am the only one that has her own lawyer, own faith, own accountant system, and own values. When I made some changes, the others had much trouble understanding what I was doing and becamed threatened or something by the changes. Mother really did. It was a problem for me, until I finally got strong enough in owning my true self so as not to let it affect me. I still have to work at this sometimes.
Mother asked me the other day, " How come your children turned out better than mine did?" She was being very serious. I was voiceless momentarily, then said, "I simply listened to them."
Enough said.
Freetobeme
