Well howdy, I think I started growing balls today.
So, my n-mother and my n-ex have glommed onto each other in their alikeness. Divorcing has illustrated for me that I had a pattern that I had fallen into that was learned from my mother, and it not a healthy one.
Since I have chosen to divorce, I have been the center of blame and games from smother and her "boyfriend", the n-ex. It has been a blow to lose both at once, and a harder pill to swallow was the realization that neither one has ever really loved me, they do not have the capacity to.
One thing that has been very difficult has been that despite requests, n-mom has still been having the n-ex come over to her house. This has been excruciating since the current situation has both of us living on the same lot, in two seperate houses. Property, that due to the divorce, I have been forced to give up. N-mother now has title and mortgage in her control, just like she wanted. I thought that out of the whole thing, I would at least have somewhere to live somewhat comfortably. Well, her insistance on having him around has made this uncomfortable for me. Earlier this week, when I requested/insisted that she not have him around, she told me that I should start thinking about a new place to stay.
I did go and look and make some calls,but right now rentals and monies are very tight. Then I thought, what am I doing?!?
So, I called her at lunch today. I already knew that if I left/leave, it would be because I chose to do so, so she would twist it to be, that it was my choice. So, when I spoke with her today, I told her it was HER choice to have the ex around that was making this so, and it was her suggestion to me to leave, and she was deciding that she would rather have him around than me. She tried to launch into some litany of what have I done for her, and I just continued to stand my ground, see clearly what the hell she was pulling, and stay grounded and calm, and come back with replies like that it wasn't about what I had done for her, or keeping score, that as a matter of fact I had done quite a lot for her, and that that wasn't what it was about...and I also let her know that no matter what I did, I would never get what I needed from her. She has backed down on me moving, well, since it was my idea anyway, right, so now I can breathe without the additional stress of a time limit on my moving for now when I don't have the money. I feel like I am still stuck in too many bargins, but I work on freeing myself in my own comfort zone and timeframe.
The best part was being able to see her BS clearly and recognize it and not get sucked into being victimized by her verbal abuse or her twisting of words and have that upset me or give in and not maintain my boundries.
Living my life one small victory at a time......
