things you continue to do to be safe

[seasons]

Dear Seasons,
 You

[Ami]

Dear Seasons
 I have the SAME thing with planning(lol)
 In fact, when my parents came to visit, they did not even TRY to plan,but just flew in  from 2000 miles away and called me when they got here.
 This is a perfect example of old childhood feelings "running" our life ,now.
  With the help of an Enlightened Witness, I have made real progress, not just "head knowlege.
 I had so much head knowlege ,but it did not help ,at all, really. Keep writing, Seasons.   Love    Ami

[seasons]

Leah, a person, with emotional boundaries set in concrete.

Hi Leah, hope it's o.k. I added this here, it is so healing, I feel the truth in every fiber of my being. This infromation makes me realize I need to change, to be set free. Sadly they are unable to have a healthy loving relationship.
I want those bounderies, how do you get them in concrete?
How do you get to that place, the place that says "I" deserve the right to excist in life without constant arm of ones being.

Shame Dumping 


By attaching ourselves to individuals in order to receive gratification of our need to feel special, appreciated, noticed, wanted, as we bask in their glow ..... we go out of our way to please them, in order to hold their interest, and as we do this, we signal to them that we can be used to meet their needs.

The door is then open to the exploitation and shame-dumping that is characteristic of the way they operate.

The most cunning ones will keep us bound to them by pumping us up, in between being ignored, or the put-downs, and the manipulations.


The Narcissistic has a prism that refracts and distorts incoming messages, to avoid their intolerable feeling of shame.

Narcissists constantly Dump, or Project ..... the unwanted parts of themselves onto other people.


They begin to behave as if  'The Others'  possess these unwanted pieces of themselves, and they may even succeed in getting the others to feel as if they actually have those traits or feelings.


This is an unconscious process for both the Dumper and the Dumpee, but, what it means is, that you end up being treated like the dirt that they have brushed off their own psyches ....

.... and/or you feel the humiliation, the anger, the vulnerability, and the worthlessness, that they cannot tolerate themselves.

 
 
« Last Edit: February 01, 2008, 10:51:11 AM by LeahsRainbow » 
 

[gratitude28]

((((((((((((((((seasons))))))))

I have huge anxiety with making ANY kind of appointment. I don't know the roots of it, but I feel as you do... that I just can't...

I am so sorry for your painful secret. I can't imagine a child having to make that horrible decision and living in that fear.

Love, Beth

[seasons]

I have huge anxiety with making ANY kind of appointment. I don't know the roots of it, but I feel as you do... that I just can't...

((Beth))

So sorry to hear you have those anxieties too, for different reasons unknown.
Of course as I'm trying to put the puzzle pieces together so it makes sense to me this is an anxiety trigger.
 love seasons

[Gabben]

Dear Seasons,

Sometime we just need to express our fears and let out the word's, from the deep belly part of our being, "I am afraid."

As a child I was not able to find the words to articulate my fears, especially the fear of abandonment, or for example, the fear of thinking ahead to a schoolmates birthday party, no doubt I experienced social anxiety as a child, all children do.

My mother was not a warm and comforting person who could acknowledge my need for reassurance, or just the need to have my voice of fear heard.

Have you ever noticed how when a child expresses their fear they forget about it and move on to play with more freedom.

We just need to be heard and comforted.

This past year I have been mourning the loss of safety, freedom, and the loss of protection that was absent from my upbringing.

Hugs,
Lise

[Leah]

(((( Seasons ))))

You are more than welcome.

I am reading your postings at the moment, and I recognize similarities with my FOO experiences in your postings regarding your FOO's behaviors.  I really do understand your feelings of angst with the current situation.

Love, Leah

[Hopalong]

Seasons, what a terribly sad realization you've had. I am so sorry you were so harmed.
It amazes me always how logical our "irrationality" is. How sane our craziness is.

Kudos to you for figuring this out.
You are setting yourself free.

Now that you know the origin, I am certain the pattern will begin to ease.
You'll know: I am not that helpless silenced child. I can take care of myself, even with plans.

love and compassion,
Hops

[seasons]

Dear Seasons,

Sometime we just need to express our fears and let out the word's, from the deep belly part of our being, "I am afraid."

As a child I was not able to find the words to articulate my fears, especially the fear of abandonment, or for example, the fear of thinking ahead to a schoolmates birthday party, no doubt I experienced social anxiety as a child, all children do.

My mother was not a warm and comforting person who could acknowledge my need for reassurance, or just the need to have my voice of fear heard.

Have you ever noticed how when a child expresses their fear they forget about it and move on to play with more freedom.

We just need to be heard and comforted.

This past year I have been mourning the loss of safety, freedom, and the loss of protection that was absent from my upbringing.

Hugs,
Lise
 

Lise
         Thank you. I never thought of the process as mourning, that is very real, very painful and brutally honest.
         Your post touched me thank you for sharing, I empathize with your pain ((Lise)).  ox seasons

[seasons]

Kudos to you for figuring this out.
You are setting yourself free.

Now that you know the origin, I am certain the pattern will begin to ease.
You'll know: I am not that helpless silenced child. I can take care of myself, even with plans.

love and compassion,
Hops

I think it is the beginning of freedom, I wonder what is on the other side? Better things.
Hops I feel your hope and positive thoughts, thank you for your kindness. Your the tops hops.  love seasons

(((( Seasons ))))

You are more than welcome.

I am reading your postings at the moment, and I recognize similarities with my FOO experiences in your postings regarding your FOO's behaviors.  I really do understand your feelings of angst with the current situation.

Love, Leah

Thank you very much ((Leah)). Your words of understanding are warm and comforting. I don't feel so alone.
Shame Dumping thread is a life raft, I really feel that way. I'm going to grab hold! Thank you again.



They begin to behave as if  'The Others'  possess these unwanted pieces of themselves, and they may even succeed in getting the others to feel as if they actually have those traits or feelings.

Yes, I definitely see myself here. It's sad and so unhealthy. But TRUE, thats what I am searching for my own truths.
I don't want to let them succeed in destroying me, I have to start by not letting myself become free bait. ox seasons

[Ami]

Dear Seasons
 I think you and I am in the same place. We have to go from amorphous to "defined". It is really, really scary.It is breaking a paradigm of how we see ourselves, at a very deep level. It goes down to our very identity.
 I am with you, on this journey, Seasons.     Love   Ami

(((((((((Seasons))))))))