Thanks, Lighter...hoist a cuppa champagne by the birdbath for me... (garden wish: POND mit frog).
Ami, you're right--I'll be clearer in the mirror, one way or another. It's all learning.
Sela, sweetheart, thank you. You're right. I will. It truly is important to me that reciprocity be the foundation of a committed relationship. I think for now, in our odd beginning, it is good to let him feel free to explore me privately (
) for a time before he decides whether he is interested in publically embracing and claiming a GF/mate/significant otherwhatever.
Who happens to be, and LOOK (totally white hair) her 12 years his senior. So he'd really need to want me fully. And if he figures out he doesn't after a while, then I'm free to say, "friends with benefits" has to return to friends, now.
Women do public acceptance-without-turning-an-eyelash gracefully all the time for their older (sometimes much older) male companions. But for all that he's 46, he's a young 46. Intuition told me, don't crowd this one. Give, and see if he'd like to give back. So far, he does. When he gets a whiff of my discomfort, I soon find a sweet message. And he's a complete dear when we're together.
I don't think he'd realistically expect this to go on indefinitely. And I'm setting an appoximately 3-month boundary for myself. He seems to me creative enough and individualistic enough, that he might get there. But if he can't, then I'll find out and cope with that change then. There's always risk of hurt. In this case it could be that he can't commit. But it won't be hurt because he's mean.
I WAS DRAWN TO A SWEET MAN, ALLELU!Monogamy means no other sexual partner. And we continue to appear "single" (but not on the prowl). He has a bunch of friends, I do too. I've shared about him with just my closest friend at church and her husband. Who knows, it could all change.
In addition to dragging him upstairs by the hair (his version) so I can be ravished (my version), we talk a lot. He's had a painful life, yet he's still got a quality of gentleness and openness that melts my heart.
Blush.
Hops
PS--I don't think either of us is dating, per se. But we each have plenty of opposite sex friends. He goes to plays with a woman from church and her daughter, I give big squooshy hugs to several men from church and am close to several. But neither of us is acting romantic or involved romantically with anyone. Including each other, officially. Romantic love is freighted with some fear and I think maybe this purple arrangement is allowing us to find out how much trust and intimacy we can build. I will keep the brakes on expectations, though. It helps me to be in observer mode, of both of us, and have a little faith in myself that I can handle what comes. I feel optimistic for goodness, and don't know the form.
