Disgust

[Hopalong]

Not so much a voice change, Ami...but there were inappropriate smiles aplenty.

brrrrr.

Hops

PS--but as the poor old woman is waning now, she is loving and grateful for my visits, and all that is behind us now, thank God. I no longer am capable of being spooked or scared, because she doesn't have the power any more. Her SON though...brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

[sKePTiKal]

Yep, need to prove it's real.  You're getting validation when you call and she behaves in these 100% predictable ways.  I imagine eventually you will get over needing to do this.  But in your own time.  I very much identify with this need.  It's like you're teaching yourself something.  Or maybe it's related to grief.  I am continually amazed at the forms of grief and the various events we actually need to grieve.  And you mention disgust.  Maybe this is your own form of aversion therapy.

I'm going through this too. I'm beginning to think, it's how we start to retrain our conscious selves... you know, the one who eternally hopes that things will be different this time? And by hoping, we remain connected to what hurts us... so we repeat the experience again to remind ourselves that there's no hope and we have to save ourselves.

Remember Dr. G's poll about the sinking boat? I'm starting to turn this around a little:

Only one of us can make it shore... do I save myself or try to drag my FOO with me, since their combined dysfuntion is guaranteed to drag me under??

[towrite]

That "reflexive, empty grimace" --- I like that, Hops. Sounds like a ghoul. My NM is definitely in that category.

[sKePTiKal]

One more thing, re: Juno's comment -

I think grief is definitely part of the reason we periodically have to remind ourselves just how bad/real it is... I think we can find the door to let go through grief... it's one of reasons for being, I think.

[Ami]

Not so much a voice change, Ami...but there were inappropriate smiles aplenty.

brrrrr.

Hops

PS--but as the poor old woman is waning now, she is loving and grateful for my visits, and all that is behind us now, thank God. I no longer am capable of being spooked or scared, because she doesn't have the power any more. Her SON though...brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

LOL---Hops             Hugs, Ami

[Hopalong]

"Poor old woman" my derrriere.
Given I just found out she stabbed me in the back two years ago, I am choking on my pity today.

Disgusted with Nmother and Nbrother and still aching.

And possibly homeless, but I'll find out eventually.

Hops

[Leah]

Today, I truly felt disgusted with my parents, sibling(s), and exH -- abhorrent behavior.  And on they go!  Regardless, without conscience.

Love to (((( everyone ))))

Leah x