I do have strengths. I can fight back. I can go against the crowd. I always have been able to do that. My GM gave me that. She gave me the concept that you are worth s/thing,if you hold yourself 'upright"
I have good perceptions. My compass can guide me.
My M took away my trust in myself by convincing me I was "bad".I became like a cult member ,who looks to the leader for guidance.
I believed it.
This memory showed me that she wanted to undermine my independence, at the deepest level.
She wanted to show me that SHE could do whatever she wanted and *I* was powerless. .It was the strong conquering the weak and making the weak subject to it.That was the point of it.
Once you lose connection with your inner compass , you are on a collision course. It is just a matter of time. Your compass tells you about life in a way that only YOU can percieve. It has to be clear b/c there are certain "rules" of living that only come ,intuitively, as I see it.Life is about "feeling" your way through. There is information that only comes to a "clear channel". If not, you have to travel with a playbook which won't work and you won't know why.
That is what the N stole, our trust in our intuition, our deep feeling part of ourselves, our information gatherer to the outside world and ourselves.That was how they rendered us their slaves, by telling us falsehoods about ourselves and putting us in this prison that we carried around, long after we left them. That is how they injected their poison. We could not attach to ourselves and get the answers we needed to "fly", so we stayed attached, just as they wanted us to.
My M, the therapist, can you imagine sitting down in a chair across from her?
