when my NM dies ...

[towrite]

I have decided that I am not going to my NM's funeral.

Does that make me a bad person?

towrite

[gratitude28]

Nope...

I have been thinking about this a lot lately, as my best friend's mom just passed away. She was a great mom and my friend will miss her terribly.

I honestly do not think I will miss mine. I will go to the funeral to see my other relatives.

It sounds awful to say, but there just would be nothing to miss except for grief and irritation.

Love, Beth

[Izzy_*now*]

I agree with Beth

The choice is yours to make.

I really doubt my parents were Ns but they were dysfunctional and 'made a mess of me'. but I went for appearances sake, that's all, for the aunts and uncles and other people I would see.

Often there are so many nice eulogies, but my brother and younger sister handled the personal stuff and none of it was what great people they were. They spoke of more humerous and earthly stories. The minister did the regular 'praying stuff'.

I didn't miss either of mine, either.

My eldest sister make a remark to me when Dad was in the hopsital dying, (3 months there, then 3 months at home) about not going to see Dad in hospital, and I knew Mom had said something to her. I was doing their tax returns and went once for him to sign it.

So I also knew I would have grief from the siblings if I didn't go.

[lostkitten]

           Not going!!!          

[Gaining Strength]

towrite - I think it makes you a courageous person.  I don't ave the courage to stand up to community expectations and fly in the face of them any more.  Way to go. 

I have often wondered how I will feel when my NM dies.  I am pretty sure I won't miss my NF.

[Ami]

Dear towrite,
 You have been treated horribly and you would have to lie to say otherwise. Honesty is the best, always, and you expressed an honest sentiment and desire.
 You are having a normal response to abnormal behavior of your M to a D--bleh!!!!     Love   Ami

[towrite]

Thank you all so much. I don't think I could bear having all those people (and there will be a lot) say to me over and over what a wonderful person she was. My bro, the one who hasn't spoken to me in almost a year, is her executor anyway and thinks I'm bossy. So he can just handle all the funeral arrangements, etc. I just cannot be there. Of course, there is the possibility she will live another 10 years, even tho' she's 87. Jeez Louise, I hope not, but she's healthy at the moment.