self hatred

[Lupita]

Your internal dialogue is constant.
Through every waking hour, you never stop saying things to yourself.


Your internal dialogue happens in real time.
Unlike automatic thoughts that run through your mind, your internal dialogue happens at normal speed.


Your internal dialogue triggers a physiological change.
As a result of every thought you have, there is a physical reaction. This reaction can be positive or negative, even affecting your health.


Your internal dialogue is heavily influenced by your locus of control.
No matter what the situation is, or what demands you are facing, your internal dialogue is likely to be influenced by your locus of control.


Your internal dialogue tends to be totally monopolistic.
It crowds out or drowns out any other data, from any other source. As a result, you may spend your time lost in the frantic self-talk that goes with it.


Your negative internal dialogue gets the loudest when you need it the least.
It gets loudest when the pressure is on, because it flows at least in part from your personal truth. That kind of talk, if you listen to it at pivotal moments, can change your life forever. You end up being your own worst enemy.


http://www.oprah.com/spiritself/know/auth/ss_know_authentic_06_fundamentalid.jhtml

[Lupita]

The internal dialogue is what grounds people in the daily world. The world is such and such or so and so, only because we talk to ourselves about its being such and such and so and so. The passageway into the world of shamans opens up after the warrior has learned to shut off his internal dialogue.

~ Carlos Castaneda Quotes from Tales of Power

Famous Quotes on: Attitude, Internal Dialogue, Warrior, People



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We talk to ourselves incessantly about our world. In fact we maintain our world with our internal talk. And whenever we finish talking to ourselves about ourselves and our world, the world is always as it should be. We renew it, we rekindle it with life, we uphold it with our internal talk. Not only that, but we also choose our paths as we talk to ourselves. Thus we repeat the same choices over and over until the day we die, because we keep on repeating the same internal talk over and over until the day we die. A warrior is aware of this and strives to stop his internal talk.~ Carlos Castaneda Quotes from A Separate Reality

Inspirational Quotes on: Attitude, Internal Dialogue, Life, Warrior



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[Lupita]

Reprogramming the Subconscious and Internal Dialogue

The voice in the back of your mind that chatters away about useless and random things throughout the day is known as the internal dialogue. It says things like "I'm hungry; wow that person is attractive; ouch my back hurts; maybe I should go to the store later on; I wonder what my friend is doing right now" etc. Such mental chattering to oneself is really a huge waste of energy and only serves to maintain one's focus on the physical realm and everyday life. THAT is what the internal dialogue is and does. Most people don't bother to take the time to discipline their minds enough to keep it from rambling on in a random manner. What is so bad about this seemingly normal mental activity? If you are constantly sending yourself false negative messages about yourself, then you will continue to perpetuate a negative outlook on reality while believing your own erroneous thoughts.


The way the subconscious picks up on these negative messages is simple. Example: A person might think to himself "I'm lonely." Or, "I'm worthless." Then, his undisciplined internal dialogue will pick up on this false message about himself if it is repeated often enough or on that person's mind, and eventually it will become a regular part of a mental tape-loop constantly repeating the message. The person then hears or feels these negative messages about him/herself and then forgets that he is the person who put them there in the first place! Because the individual doesn't remember how those messages got in there, he will now start to believe those negative messages about himself as though they are true.


It is possible to reprogram one's subconscious and internal dialogue through a very simple mantra exercise. Use this exercise if you're constantly depressed, tense, upset, or simply wish to make a change in the way you view life or react to situations.

The Exercise

Use POSITIVE PRESENT-TENSE PHRASES and tell yourself that you are something you might not believe yourself to currently be, but wish to be. If you are depressed and hate yourself, then you will choose a phrase that asserts that you are happy and love yourself, for example. It doesn't matter if you believe these positive messages about yourself or not, because your internal dialogue will pick up on them and start to repeat them back to you later regardless. Try to keep the phrases you use short and simple for most effectiveness. The subconscious does not speak the language of intellectual thought; it communicates through pictures and feelings. Keep the messages you send it basic and to the point. I prefer flowing short phrases for myself when I do this exercise, and I try to convey the essence of what I really need to say using powerful and sometimes emotional words.

Examples of phrases:

I am confident. (Very basic and to the point.)
I am relaxed. I am free. (Creates a very calm open feeling from which to operate in magick and in everyday life.)
I am psychic. (Believe it or not, this one actually helps to eliminate doubt about one's own abilities.)
I love myself. I am loved. (For people with a low self-image.)
Don't use words like 'NOT' or 'doesn't' or anything with a negative connotation to it on its own. Just the feeling of the word 'NOT' is enough to possibly ruin your message to yourself since it's a small amount of negativity in itself and the subconscious might pick up on it and use it somewhere else. I've found phrases with the word 'NOT' in them to be less effective on myself regardless of how positive the meaning was intended to be. If your problem is a tense feeling in your chest, don't say to yourself, "I'm not tense." That will only keep the message of tension and a slight feeling of negativity in your mind due to the words 'not' and 'tense.' Instead, find the opposite message to those feelings and try to express it in a completely positive way, e.g. "I am relaxed."

In actual practice, you would first sit or lay in a comfortable position. It's best to do this exercise when your mind is most receptive, such as just before sleep or just after you wake up (but before you get out of bed). Breathe slowly and deeply just as in meditation. Then, begin to repeat your chosen phrase over and over in a constant rhythm, just like a mantra. You may chose to leave a slight pause after each sentence if it feels more comfortable. After several minutes, you can try repeating the phrase only in your mind rather than out loud. Do this for several minutes, or up to an hour if you can. You should have no other thoughts in your mind but the phrase you are concentrating on. Within about 20 minutes, it should feel automatic to repeat the phrase to yourself and you might even find yourself thinking about other things while the phrase CONTINUES to be repeated in the back of your head. This is ok if it happens in this case, since that shows that the new program is already becoming a part of your normal internal dialogue. You should do this exercise for each phrase several times a day or throughout the day, FOR AT LEAST A WEEK for best results. It doesn't matter if you actually believe the 'lies' you're telling yourself. The results will still start to show within a few days since you're reprogramming the messages that you send to yourself subconsciously. This method has never failed as long as the person doing it has actually practiced the exercise often enough. If you find it helpful, you can try making use of a string of 50 beads or knots in a string to assist you to count the number of repetitions without distracting your mind from performing the exercise. It doesn't matter if you fall asleep during the exercise - that will only help it become more effective since it was the last thing in your mind before sleep and so your subconscious will be more inclined to turn it over while you rest. See Franz Bardon's "Initiation into Hermetics" and Victor Sanchez's "The Teachings of Don Carlos" (available on the recommended books page) for more details.
 

[Lupita]

Attitude, Self Talk and Stress
Can Your Self Talk Create Additional Stress? Yes!
By Elizabeth Scott, M.S., About.com
Updated: November 7, 2007

About.com Health's Disease and Condition content is reviewed by Steven Gans, MD

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What Causes Stress
 It’s well-known in the therapeutic community that negative statements from others can erode our sense of self-worth. Children tend to believe negative assessments of them from teachers and parents, and develop a compromised self-concept when criticized on a regular basis. Researchers estimate that it’s necessary for the ratio of negative-to-positive comments be at least five to one for a relationship to be healthy and survive long-term. For these reasons, we’re taught not to let others put us down, but sometimes the person eroding our sense of self-worth and limiting our potential is us! That’s right, our self talk, or the words our inner dialogue uses when we think, can increase our stress levels, limit our potential, and color our experience with a negative pen. Here are some more detailed reasons why this happens, with links to resources you can use to change your mind and turn self-sabotage into self-mastery:

Language Colors Experience
Though it’s not clear as to this occurs, it has been found that the types of words we use can alter expectations and even our perceptions of reality. For example:
If you’ve been told that a difficult person is ‘a nightmare to work with’, you will probably perceive that person as more frustrating than if you’ve been told they’re ‘particular’ or ‘somewhat demanding’.

If your dentist tells you, ‘This will hurt. A lot!”, you will probably find a procedure more painful than if you’ve been told ‘You may experience some discomfort.’

Research has found that people who speak different languages may see the same things differently based on the words their language uses to describe these things. For example, research has found that language can affect the perception of color. (People who spoke a certain language that classifies blue and green as different shades of the same color were less able than English speakers to differentiate colors that toed the line between blue and green.) These effects influence the right brain more than the left, but the influence is clearly significant.
As it subtly colors what you perceive and what you dwell on, negative self-talk can alter your experience of stress in the following ways:

Increased Perception of Stress:
When your self talk is negative, you may perceive things as more stressful. For example, when you tell yourself something is ‘difficult’ or ‘unfair’, it becomes more stressful to deal with than if you tell yourself it’s a ‘challenge’, or even a ‘test’. Using self-talk that is optimistic rather than pessimistic has stress management benefits, productivity benefits and even health benefits that have been proven by research.

Self-Limitation:
If you say “I can’t handle this”, you more likely can’t. This is because your subconscious mind tends to believe the thoughts it hears. You can limit your abilities by telling yourself you “can’t”, that “this is too hard” or that you “shouldn’t even try”.

Limited Thinking:
When you tell yourself you can’t handle something (or some other self-limiting thought), you tend to stop looking for solutions. For example, notice the difference between telling yourself you can’t handle something and asking yourself how you will handle something. Doesn’t the second thought feel more hopeful and produce more creativity? Negative self talk tends to be a self-fulfilling prophecy!
Stopping negative thoughts and creating habitually positive internal dialogue can reduce stress and empower you. Here are some resources to help you change negative self talk into positive self talk.

More Help With Self Talk:
Turn Negative Self Talk Positive
Surround Yourself with Positive Energy
The Hows and Whys of Positive Affirmations

Create More Optimistic Self Talk:
The Benefits of Optimism
Quiz: Are You An Optimist?
How To Become More of an Optimist

Additional Resources:
Healthy Communication Techniques
Get The Latest Delivered To You!
Stress Relievers You Tried as a Child

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Guide since 2005Elizabeth Scott, M.S.
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[Lupita]

Journal Writing: Whether you carry a journal around with you and jot down negative comments when you think them, write a general summary of your thoughts at the end of the day, or just start writing about your feelings on a certain topic and later go back to analyze it for content, journaling can be an effective tool for examining your inner process.

Thought-Stopping: As you notice yourself saying something negative in your mind, you can stop your thought mid-stream my saying to yourself “Stop”. Saying this aloud will be more powerful, and having to say it aloud will make you more aware of how many times you are stopping negative thoughts, and where.

Rubber-Band Snap: Another therapeutic trick is to walk around with a rubber band around your wrist; as you notice negative self-talk, pull the band away from your skin and let it snap back. It’ll hurt a little, and serve as a slightly negative consequence that will both make you more aware of your thoughts, and help to stop them! (Or, if you don’t want to subject yourself to walking around with a rubber band on your wrist, you’ll be even more careful to limit the negative thoughts!)
Replace Negative Statements:
A good way to stop a bad habit is to replace it with something better. Once you’re aware of your internal dialogue, here are some ways to change it:

Milder Wording: Have you ever been to a hospital and noticed how the nurses talk about ‘discomfort’ instead of ‘pain’? This is generally done because ‘pain’ is a much more powerful word, and discussing your ‘pain’ level can actually make your experience of it more intense than if you’re discussing your ‘discomfort’ level. You can try this strategy in your daily life. In your self-talk, turning more powerful negative words to more neutral ones can actually help neutralize your experience. Instead of using words like ‘hate’ and ‘angry’ (as in, “I hate traffic! It makes me so angry!”), you can use words like ‘don’t like’ and ‘annoyed’ (“I don’t like traffic; it makes me annoyed,” sounds much milder, doesn’t it?)

Change Negative to Neutral or Positive: As you find yourself mentally complaining about something, rethink your assumptions. Are you assuming something is a negative event when it isn’t, necessarily? (For example, having your plans cancelled at the last minute can be seen as a negative, but what you do with your newly-freed schedule can be what you make of it.) The next time you find yourself stressing about something or deciding you’re not up to a challenge, stop and rethink, and see if you can come up with a neutral or positive replacement.

Change Self-Limiting Statements to Questions: Self-limiting statements like “I can’t handle this!” or “This is impossible!” are particularly damaging because they increase your stress in a given situation and they stop you from searching for solutions. The next time you find yourself thinking something that limits the possibilities of a given situation, turn it into a question. Doesn’t “How can I handle this?” or “How is this possible?” sound more hopeful and open up your imagination to new possibilities?
You can also help yourself develop more positive self talk by bringing more positive energy into your life. Here are some resources for surrounding yourself with positivity so your mind remains more optimistic and positive.

[Lupita]

Okay...knowing that, now what?
This internal monologue is present in everyone. The bad news...there is no getting rid of it. The good news...you can learn how to manage your mind so that it is your servant and you are the master, not the other way around. We have found a great book that helps you distinguish yourself from that 'voice' in your head in a lighthearted, 'non-psychobabel' way. We have taken the book and put together an online class where you can ask questions and get help 24/7 as you work your way through the material. Read about how you can take positive action in managing your self talk in our Taming Your Mind online class.

What you will learn how to do.
First...awareness. You must become aware of the inner dialogue. Begin to notice when it shows up, what it is telling you. You will have to be vigilant at first. You think that voice is you. It isn't. The fact that you can discuss it means that it is something that you do, not who you are. Begin to pay attention to what you think. Observe it without buying into what your mind is telling you. See if you can start to recognize the repetitive nature of the thoughts.

Second...you don't HAVE to react to the thoughts your mind presents you. It is a habit you can break with awareness. The moment you notice that it is just a THOUGHT and not a COMMAND you have a choice. You are in touch with your "observing self". That gap or moment of awareness allows you to notice the thought and CHOOSE to do what you have always done or CHOOSE to do something different.


Start with observing how often you listen to 'your mind'. However, we know from experience this can be a difficult process to do alone. Having a map is not the actual territory. You need a guide. That is the best way to manage your self talk. Remember, change takes time but in the class we will be there to support you.

[Lupita]

BELIEF, SELF TALK and PERFORMANCE ENHANCEMENT
by Joe Kolezynski. M.B.A., M.A.
One of the more frequently faced challenges experienced by athletes is that of how to improve their performance. They express frustration that they often possess identical, if not superior, physical attributes to their competition, yet they're consistently being out performed by that competition. In many of these cases the factor that separates their performance from the competitions has been found to be rooted in their belief as to their ability to outperform the competition. In other words they are operating with a limiting belief as to their athletic ability and level of performance they are capable of achieving. Yet it is well documented that a individual's core beliefs in any given area of their life will ultimately determine the reality they draw into their life-positive, negative or stagnant.

So how does one go about changing a limiting belief to a positive one -- one that will result in improving your performance? It has been established by psychologists and neuroscientists that every person in the world carries on an ongoing dialog, or self-talk, of between 150 and 300 words a minute. This works out to between 45,000 and 51,000 thoughts a day. Most of out self-talk is harmless thoughts that serve our daily activities like, "I need to stop at the cleaners." The danger is when inner dialogue takes on a negative connotation such as, "I'll never be as good an athlete as he is," "I don't have the mental toughness to compete at this level," or "I'll never be that fast." The ongoing negative reinforcement created by habitual negative self-talk results in the creation of a limiting belief(s) that goes on to become self-fulfilling prophecy.

Beliefs -- positive or negative -- are literally etched into our brain in comfortable grooves or neural pathways. Incoming data from our senses travel on these neural pathways on the way to interpretation in the brain. Therefore, if you desire to change an unresourceful/limiting belief into an empowering belief, you must rewire the negative neural track created in the brain.

This can be accomplished in precisely the same way the tracks were created: by using self-talk or, more specifically affirmations. An affirmation is a statement of fact or belief -- positive or negative -- that will lead toward the end result you expect. Anything that follows the phrase "I am," such as "I am a peak performance athlete" or "I am quick and agile," is an affirmation. The simplicity of affirmations often causes them to be overlooked. Nonetheless, affirmations are regularly used by professional athletes and successful business people.

The process for changing a limiting belief to a resourceful belief using affirmations is a simple one. First, identify the areas of your life which are not working to your satisfaction.

Next, write out the affirmations that represent things the way you desire them to be, they will be the vehicle for creating new resourceful/positive pathways.

Basic to formulating a new self-suggestion is that your affirmation is short and to the point -- simple enough that a five year old child will understand it -- and is always stated in the positive. Further, your affirmation should be stated in the present tense -- as if it has already happened, for example, "I am a strong athlete."

Now you are ready to begin your daily (minimum) reprogramming process:
Sit upright in a comfortable chair.
Close your eyes and take a couple of minutes to progressively relax.
Release your body's tight sharp focus on the physical world by taking yourself to an even deeper level of relaxation.
Speak your affirmation aloud from five to twenty times (depending on the time you have and the number of beliefs you are reprogramming).
By speaking your affirmation aloud you are down-stepping your thoughts to the brains electrical network to speech, and you are involving more of your brain by including two more of your senses: auditory and kinesthetic. It is important that you trust this process and give your affirmation(s) time to achieve their desired outcome. Worry or self-doubt as to whether your affirmations are working only conveys to your subconscious worry and the belief that your desire may not come to pass or the affirmation may not succeed. Be patient, success is on the way.

In conclusion, remember that your beliefs are what produce your life's experience, not the other way around. Orchestrate your beliefs using affirmations to create a life filled with successful experiences that reinforce the beliefs that created them.

8/31/98


Joe Kolezynski holds a Masters in Business Administration and is CEO of the Ascent Consulting Group serving the corporate and sports community while completing requirements for a Ph. D. in Sports Psychology at the University for Humanistic Studies in Solana Beach, California. Joe can be contacted by phone at (619) 457-4425.

 

[Lupita]

Self Talk

Develop the Habit of Healthy Self -Talk!
by Judith E. Pearson, Ph.D.
"I shouldn't have eaten that chocolate cake! I'm so stupid. I'm just a hopeless case. My family stresses me out and undermines my self-control. I'll never get down to a size 10. I should just give up! "

Do you ever say things like this to yourself? This kind of thinking is called "negative self-talk." It sounds pretty dismal, doesn't it? Let's play the conversation again, this time with positive self-talk.

"I wish I hadn't eaten that chocolate cake! It wasn't a good choice, and I'm smart enough to make good choices. Looking back, I realize I wasn't hungry. I was stressed, and I was only wanting to calm down. So how can I calm down in a healthy, positive way? I'm determined to get to size 10, and mistakes are just part of the learning process."

Which is going to give you more motivation to maintain healthy habits---negative or positive self-talk? Self-talk is internal dialog---the words we use when we talk to ourselves. According to psychologist Dr. Shad Helmstetter, our self-talk reflects and creates our emotional states. You can feel calm or worried, depending on what you tell yourself. Your self-talk can influence your self-esteem, outlook, energy level, performance, and relationships with others. It can even affect your health, determining, for example, how you handle stressful events, or how easily you replace unhealthy behaviors with healthy ones.

You can change your negative self-talk with awareness and practice. This article teaches you how to recognize negative self-talk, and how to develop the habit of positive self-talk. Below are some types of negative self-talk, paired with positive alternatives.

Replace the Negative with the Positive

Focusing only on problems: This is the essence of complaining. We dwell on the problem, instead of solutions. Instead: Assume most problems have solutions, and ask "How do I want this situation to be different?"

Catastrophizing: Every bad thing that happens is a horrible disaster. Instead: Be realistic in your assessment and stop scaring yourself. Yes, bad things do happen, and many bad things are often inconveniences, mistakes, and foul-ups---not necessarily traumas, tragedies, or disasters.

Expecting the worst: "What if he doesn't like me?" "What if I don't pass the exam?" Expecting the worst does not encourage you to behave effectively. Expecting the worst only promotes anxiety. Instead: Ask questions that presuppose positive outcomes. "How can I make a favorable impression?" "How can I prepare for the exam?"

Stereotyping: By putting others, and ourselves, into preconceived categories, we avoid thinking of people as unique individuals. This leads to strained relationships, and gives us an undeserved sense of superiority or inferiority. It also often deprives us of opportunities to know and understand the giftedness of those whom we stereotype. Instead: Remind yourself that we are all human beings, with unique personalities, each having qualities and shortcomings.

Shoulds: Should, ought, must, have to... used carelessly, these words presuppose rules and standards for behavior that do not exist in reality. They imply a consequence for noncompliance, and often evoke quilt. For example, according to the law, we "should" obey posted speed limits, or pay a fine. Is it equally true that "I should be smarter than I am." or "I ought to be married by now."?--Of course not! Instead: Replace the words should, ought, or must with the word "COULD" and realize the gift of choices.

Thinking in Absolutes: We exaggerate reality with words like "always," "never," and "everyone," as in "I always eat too much--I will never be slim." Instead: Replace exaggeration with words that more accurately reflect reality. Example "I often eat more than I need, but I can change that."

All or Nothing Thinking: We distort reality by thinking only in extremes. Our efforts become total failures or complete successes---with nothing in between. Example: "Either I lose two pounds by Sunday, or I quit exercising." Instead: Chunk down your perceptions to see the parts of the whole, which can be positive, negative, and in-between. Give yourself options or choices whenever possible. Example: "I want to lose two pounds by Sunday. Even one pound would indicate that exercise is helping. If my weight stays the same, I'll experiment with variations in nutrition and exercise until I reach my goal."

Negative labels: Negative labels are the tools we use to lower self-esteem in ourselves and others. Example: "I'm stupid," or "I'm fat." When we say phrases like these often, they become a part of our identity and we can begin to dislike who we are. Instead: Remember, people are not their faults or shortcomings. You may engage in stupid behavior occasionally, but that doesn't make you a stupid person. Change your negative "I-am" statement into a statement about behaviors. Example: "I make unhealthy choices when it comes to food." It's easier to change a behavior, than to change your identity.

Blaming: We assign guilt, instead of solving the problem. If we can blame others, then we can feel vindicated in a wrong-doing, and avoid responsibility. Instead: Focus on what YOU can do to promote a solution to the problem.

"Yes but..." Arguments: When someone offers a possible solution to our problems, we "yes but..." and list reasons why the proposed solution won't work. "Yes but..." says "I'm really not listening to you right now." Instead: Open up to new possibilities and consider alternatives. Really listen to advice and give it a fair hearing, before dismissing it so quickly.

Overgeneralizing: This is similar to stereotyping and thinking in absolutes. It means that we take a single instance or occurrence, and generalize it to numerous other situations. Example: "Joe is a nice man, and he doesn't want to date me. Therefore: No nice man will ever want to date me." When misused, this kind of generalizing can lead to illogical conclusions. Instead: Ask yourself whether there could be exceptions to your generalization. Does a single occurrence mean it will happen every time?

Now you know what negative self-talk sounds like. Negative self-talk is usually a mixture of half-truths, poor logic, and distortions of reality that perpetuates negative emotions, such as pessimism, guilt, fear, and anxiety. It often occurs when in times of emotional turmoil, or when we are going through stress or a personal transition.

When you catch your negative self-talk, take a deep breath, relax, and remove yourself from the situation. Get up and stretch, or take a walk, or get a drink of water, in order to interrupt your train of thought and get out of the negative rut. Write down some of your negative thoughts and then ask yourself "Are the things I'm saying true? Are there other possibilities and meanings that I could get from these circumstances?" Then replace your negative thoughts with realistic, positive thoughts---and write those down too. Soon you'll stop that self-talk in mid-sentence. If you have difficulty changing your self-talk, you may have clinical depression, and a psychotherapist could help you.

Affirmations

One way to reprogram your self-talk is by repeating positive affirmations until you begin to get a good sense of what positive thinking really sounds like. After all, much self-talk is actually negative affirmations. Our emotions, perceptions, and behaviors are shaped by our most dominant thoughts. Advocates of affirmations theorize that our frequent thoughts represent goals which the subconscious mind strives to actualize. What we most often tell ourselves can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you want to explore the power of positive affirmations, follow these guidelines.

Personalize your affirmations with with words like "I," "me," and "my." You can't always control circumstances or other people, so make your affirmations about what you can control---yourself. Make your affirmations state your own goals, wants, and values---not someone else's.
Some authors say affirmations are best stated in the present tense, because, if affirmations are in future tense ("I will...") your subconscious mind feels no urgency to act NOW. If you feel hypocritical stating affirmations in the present tense (as in "I am slender and healthy") then state your affirmations as a process (as in "Each day I am become more slender and healthier.")
Make your affirmations believable and realistic so that you can say them with sincerity. Begin with small, easily achievable goals, and work your way up to bigger accomplishments. "My self control is perfect." is probably more believable as "I have self-control most of the time."
State affirmations in the positive. To say "I don't eat fatty foods," only focuses your attention on the behavior you want to avoid. Instead say "I eat nutritious foods."
Make affirmations short and easy to remember. Catchy slogans stay with us longer than essays.
Repeat your positive affirmations often and positive thinking will become routine.
To maintain positive self-talk, fill your mind with uplifting ideas. Recognize your strengths. Comfort yourself when things go wrong. Let your self-talk be like the soothing, supportive words of a counselor, friend, or mentor. As you improve your self-talk, commit to changing your actions accordingly. Lasting accomplishments come when we change our behaviors as well as our thinking.

Copyright 2000 - Judith E. Pearson, Ph.D.
Permission for use granted to Healthy Habits
Parts of this article appear in the book: Healthy Habits

[Lupita]

The Top 10 Tips to Creating Powerful Positive Self-Talk
Category: Personal Development: Basic (BA184)
Originally Submitted on 9/12/97.




--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



We all have access to a powerful tool which when used regularly will enhance our self esteem, break through limiting self-imposed beliefs, and raise the thermostat of our comfort zones.

1. Know your outcome -


Have a clear vision of the end result and avoid dwelling on the question, how will I get there? Our subconscious minds are very creative and once the thought is programmed, you will be pleasantly surprised at how the creative mind goes to work to guide you to make the vision a reality. For example, let's take a shy person who is uncomfortable speaking to a group of people. The desired end-result is to be confident, dynamic and captivating when speaking before large groups of people. (Get the idea?)

2. Personal -


Begin your affirmations with "I"....okay, we would all probably like to change the behavior of some of the people around us, but we can only affirm for ourselves. However, as you begin to make changes in your own behavior, others will notice and begin to ask what is your secret? ..So, as you share your new techniques, you are, indirectly, also making a positive impact on those around you.

3. Positive -


Use a positive spin when saying and writing affirmations as opposed to the negative approach. An example of the difference is stating, I am confident when speaking before groups of people, VS. the negative approach of saying.. I am not as nervous or scared as I used to feel when speaking to groups of people.

4. Present Tense -


You want to keep the statement in the NOW moment for your subconscious mind to fully comprehend the change is for today, NOT someday. Avoid using words like CAN, WILL, SHOULD, COULD, and instead use the empowering word AM....I am a confident, dynamic and powerful speaker when addressing large groups of people.

5. K.I.S. -


Use short, powerful sentences for programming new behavior in your subconscious mind, no long dissertations, rambling paragraphs for your affirmations. Just short sentences that reprogram your thought process. Keep it simple!

6. Believable -


The affirmation needs to be believable and attainable by you and for your own good. It doesn't matter what others say, only that YOU believe...so become your own dreammaster!!

7. Emotions -


Use words that trigger emotions when you say your affirmations out loud. A few examples: I am a loving nurturing parent and look for ways to build Mat's self esteem...or......I look forward to my energizing work outs 3 times each week.

8. Write -


Take out 3 x 5 index cards and write each affirmation separately on an index card. If you are working on a couple of different areas at once, you may try pink for family and relationships, yellow for health and nutrition and perhaps green for financial.

9. Repeat -


Here's the work - for 30 conseutive days, read your affirmations each morning upon awakening and each night just before falling asleep, this is when your brain is most receptive to change. Take about 45 seconds for each affirmation, read it, close your eyes and picture the end result ..SEE the picture come to life and enjoy all the vibrant colors in your mind....Now, FEEL the emotion associated with the affirmation. Breath deeply, and enjoy the moment and then go to the next affirmation and repeat the steps.

10. Believe -


Open your heart and mind to the possibilities and expect to make positive changes in your life using this technique. Break out of the negative self talk pattern and get into the POSITIVE self-talk habit.


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About the Submitter
This piece was originally submitted by Coach Janice LaVore, Director for Fortune 100 Company, who can be reached at jelcoach@bellsouth.net. Coach Janice LaVore wants you to know: I coach enthusiastic Managers, Trainers, Sales and Human Resources Professionals through career transitions, leadership development, performance improvement and life mastery skills. Send an email to inquire about a free introductory coaching session. The original source is: various books, tapes and seminars.


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Copyright 97, 98, 99, 00, 2001 CoachVille

This content may be forwarded in full, with copyright, contact, and creation information intact, without specific permission, when used only in a not-for-profit context. For other uses, permission in writing from CoachVille is required. Questions: email topten@coachville.com



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[lighter]

Lupe.... you realize you're teaching here.....

even while you're internalizing this material  for yourself.

Growth is painful.

Sorry.... ((Lupita))

Lighter

[Lupita]

Lea and Lighter, thank you for your encouragement.

I believe this thread is so important, that I am working hard to color the parts that most affect me. Probably if others have the same problem I have, they will identify more or less with the same parts I do.

My only fear is that I made my son feel bad. I am going to ask him to read this and tell me honestly if he feels that I did to him what my mother did to me. I know I was not as bad as my mother. My mother was very bad, But I now that I was not good either. So probably in the 60% I will consider, I dont know. I loved him and I love him with all my heart. Like doctor Phill syas.

"We are ready to dye for our children. Are we ready to live for them and live a fruitful life? with joy?"

That was like a hammer on my head.

I remember one time I told my son I wanted to dye. He was nine. I was just so depressed, I will never forgive my self for that/ He still remembers. I want to dye now for my mistakes in the past. But dye is too easy. Live and give him love would be the appropriate thing to do and that is what I intend to do.

[Hopalong]

Lupita, what a powerful thread -- maybe you need to change the title to a positive affirmation?

This book had a powerful impact on me, you can get it used in paperback. It's old but basically, it's an excellent instruction book on self-hypnosis, and more importantly, it says you CAN change the internal monologue...and it shows you specifically how. What it did for me was first to educate me so effectively that I believed in it, and then actually doing it was the simplest part.

The Wisdom of Your Subconscious Mind by John K. Williams. It's on Amazon for 41 cents or if you wanna spend big, $1.99! 

love and a big hug,
Hops

[darren]

Oh wow, its amazing sometimes that anytime I have questions somebody is already on it.  This thread had a lot of info and its just what I was looking for.  I have a bit of self loathing going on at times.

[sKePTiKal]

Lupita:

this issue is pretty simple for me - the "self" that I hate is the one that is playing the srcipted; programmed role(s) forced on me by my wacky mom. I don't hate my authentic self...

... so I always have to challenge my own assumptions, habits, beliefs, etc - test them to see if it's "HER" or "ME"... time-consuming, but it does get things simpler and easier to deal with.

[Hopalong]

PS--the thing I loved about discovering hypnosis, through this book and other sources...was that you can just DO IT. You don't have to:

ask yourself if it will work
give yourself a reason it might or might not work
decide whether you deserve to change your inner monologue to something lifesaving
agonize over the perfect affirmative inner monologue
figure out all of the theories of the unconscious and which one you like best
ask yourself again whether you deserve to change your mind

You just do it.
And it changes your mind.
On a much deeper and more effective level than reciting affirmations in the conscious state.
Hypnosis works for you on a far deeper level, deep deep deep in the mind.
It works.
It changes what you need to change.
It changes your mind.
If you do it.

You can just do it.
It is benevolent and lifegiving and you can just do it.

And then you are changing your mind.

You are changing your mind.

Your mind changes as you do it.

It changes how you think because you are literally changing your mind for your benefit.


Repetitiously,
Hops