Author Topic: T'day's Thoughts eh?  (Read 4403 times)

Somebody

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T'day's Thoughts eh?
« on: August 20, 2004, 08:56:16 AM »
Well, I'm from Canada and I might as well say so.  Great country here.  I love it, especially The Great White North, and I'm one of the proud ones.  I see my country as a safety zone in this world, a place where freedom and equality are of highest value and are greatly respected (even though some may take advantage of this being so- and my idea of safety zoneness is a bit unrealistic).  It's something my Grampa said to me.  "Canader is a great place."

I woke up thinking about my Grampa this morning.  How I loved my Grampa!  What a sly, old, fella he was!  Used to pour half a bowl of sugar on his corn flakes every morning.  Why he got away without developing diabetes until his 80's, I'll never know.  I would sit there, at the table, watching him pour the sugar around and around over the cereal.  I must have looked stunned (because I was!  I couldn't believe anyone would want that much sugar, every day, in one bowl!).

"How can you put that much sugar on your corn flakes Grampa?  Isn't that too sweet?"

"I like sweet things, sweet thing."  He'd say.

My Grampa.  Never got to see him much.  He lived far, far away and I only saw him maybe once or twice per year.

He taught me how to play "crazy 8's" and how to cheat!! (I think he was really teaching me how to recognize cheaters).  He took me down to the river and gave me a stick with a string tied on it and an old bent nail tied onto the end of the string.  Took me fishin'.

"Wanna go fishin' this marnin'?"  he'd say.  And off we'd go.  Sit on that dock, me with the stick and the string and the old bent nail.  No bait.  Didn't know enough to need bait or even what bait was.  We'd sit there and talk a little.  Wait for the fish to come and bite my "hook".  Never caught a fish but I sure liked going fishin' with my Grampa.  He taught me girls can fish if they want to.

"Well, I guess the fish aren't bitin' this marnin' " he'd conclude after what seemed like a nice, long time. So we'd go back to their appartment, where my Mom and Gramma were.

Sometimes, he's pull me asside and slip  me a $2.oo bill and say:

"Take this an' get yurself as much candy as ya can buy.  Harry up now and git ta the store.  Eat it all up before ya come back and don't tell anybody I giv it to ya".  The store was just next door.  Do you have any idea how much candy a person could buy with that much money when I was a kid???  Tons of junk!!!  Tons of it!! I couldn't eat it all so I never spent all the money.  I never told Grampa that I had any money left either.  I just kept it because I didn't want to get Grampa in trouble for giving me money and sending me to the store to buy candy.

My Grampa.  I love you Grampa.  I will always love you Grampa.  What a kind soul you were.

Somebody

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T'day's Thoughts eh?
« Reply #1 on: August 21, 2004, 08:53:38 AM »
For the last couple and for the next few days, I am looking after a doggie I'll call "Ralph".

Ralph is pretty much a non-dog.  He's just a big furry guy with a huge smile, most of the time.  He really doesn't act much like a dog, in a lot of ways.  He's more like a fuzzy teddy bear and his big, expressive eyes can say a lot.

Poor Ralph misses his master so much.  His eyes are really saying so.  When he first came here, he looked in every room (looking for his master, I think) and then he gave me this really confused, sad look, which seemed to say:  "Where is my master?  I've looked in all the rooms.  I think I'm going to die of grief."

My dog, who is a big, scary, but really quite loving and affectionate one, is usually "in charge", "leader of the pack", when Ralph visits, but not this time.  After Ralph did the room check thing, my dog walked up to him and licked him on the side of the face a couple of times and then plunked down on the floor, let out a big sigh as if to say:  "Ya Ralph.  I understand.  I'd be pretty devistated if I couldn't find my master too.  I feel for ya guy.  I'm just gonna lay here beside ya and keep ya company, ok?".

I feel so sorry for Ralph.  He's been moping much of the time he's been here.  Usually, he likes to go for walks but right now, he's just not interested.  He's just laying on the floor, feeling sad and waiting for his master to show up.

It quite nice and heart-warming to see my usually-wanting-all-the-attention dog make such an effort at trying to cheer Ralph up.  After she gets tired of lazing on the floor with Ralph, keeping him company and waiting with him for his master to show up, she goes and gets one of her toys, the one's she usually takes away from Ralph.  She takes the toy and puts it right under Ralph's nose and then stands there in front of him, looking at him, waiting for him to pick up the toy, as if to say:  "Ralph, come on.  What's the point?  I hate seeing you this way.  Let's just play or something.  I'll even share my toys with you today.  Just please, get up."

Poor Ralph, he's still not interested.  I've hugged him and patted him until my arm started to hurt.  I just can't soothe him and relieve his pain.  He wants his master and he's not going to smile again until he gets what he wants.

This morning I told him:  "Don't worry Ralph.  Your master will be back soon.  I totally understand how you feel guy.  I know it's not easy to smile.  I'll stay with you too and wait.  I'm not going out at all today."

He got up off the floor and waddled over to me and licked my hand.  Do dogs understand our tone that well??  Imagine if they could talk!

Somehow, I think they would teach us plenty and help us to understand a lot of things.

Somebody

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T'day's Thoughts eh?
« Reply #2 on: August 23, 2004, 08:23:54 AM »
Sometimes I can't help laughing at stuff.

My friend sent me an email asking me how my trip had gone?
(the one before and after the civic holiday and week following)

I hadn't spoken to her lately and she was just wondering.

I thought, because she had used some real small print, that she was asking about my chlortripalon (sp? I wish).

Here's how the interchange went: ( E = email plus date)


Friend E:  "So how's it going?  I was just wondering how your
trip had gone?  Haven't heard from you since you got back?..."


My E:  "Chlortripalon?  I'm not on any Chlortripalon.  I don't have
any allergies, but I was thinking of getting some.
Are you going to go on that drug?  Is that why you asked me
about it?....."


Friend E (larger print this time):  "Have you gone off your
 medication again?..."


My E: "I'm not on any medication.  What are we talking about?"
Do you think I need medication?  What for?  I'm ok, you're ok, right?
Oh nevermind.  You're just kidding and I know it!!
Aren't you?....."


Etc... It was quite funny once we figgered it all out.


Then, here on this board, I somehow got the idea that a person
was in Alaska, when really, they were on one of the east or west
coasts of the USA (can't even remember which at this moment).
Where ever I got that idea about Alaska, I don't know.

There I was, picturing this poor woman, in some cold, isolated
post community, probably living in harsh conditions, trying
to get as far away from her n-parents as possible, and thus
moving to the ends of the earth, so to speak.  Near freezing to
death, half the time, while having this giant worry hanging in her mind- about her n-parents coming and forcing her children's removal from
her care.  How awful!  I felt so bad for her.  I just couldn't resist the urge to offer some kind of advice based on my experience.

When the reality is, I should have been picturing her on some
warm coast, maybe on a beach, by the ocean, sipping something
from a coconut, or maybe drinking from an orange, with a straw,
and simply remembering stuff about the worry she once faced.
My words may not have been considered to have weight.  No wonder!
I couldn't even get a person's time description and location right.

My immediate thought, once I came to the realization of my
mistake re. time and location, was:

"I really, really will nowwwww.... face the fact that I am in complete
denial about my eyesight and I absolutely must overcome my
fears and go...... and get myself a pair of  working specs."
Along with a number of other thoughts on the whole thing.

It's just that I don't want to wear glasses.  I don't want to clean
the dust off of them.  I don't want something else to lose when
I go out (Similar to what Ozzie said last evening:  "Please don't buy me any more F......'n jewelry").

I don't want to have snow obliterating my view, or rain
drops falling on my head and my glasses!  I have enough stuff
obliterating my view and falling on my head, and I don't want
anybody to sit on my glasses (and that somebody would probably be me).

And not only that, but recently, I read in the paper,
about an optomatrist (good old spelling eh?), who sexually
molested one of his clients/patients, while doing an eye exam,
in his office, near my house.   Imagine that?

How could you identify the perpetrator?  With stufff in your
eyes, you couldn't see him?  You couldn't say for sure who
it was.  Others, reading the article, might think this is a great tactic, and a really-hard-to-proove-who-the-real-criminal-is-one at that, and decide to adopt it.

Should I bring a body guard with me to the optomatrist's office?
A video camera?  I don't have a video camera, dagnabbit!!
Should I just refuse any stuff he wants to put in my eyes?
(What is that stuff anyway?  I probably know that but I can't remember.  I know some of it causes your pupils to do strange things and temporaily impairs your vision).
I don't want my vision temporarily impaired!!

Now, that's a bit of my paranoia for ya!

And here's my method of correcting my own thinking:

Have a lost a marble?
What the heck?  Are all optomatrists now criminals?
Are my fears realistic in relation to the risk involved?
Am I sure I will need to wear the glasses all of the time?
Can't I put them in my purse, when not in use?

I'm over-reacting, I think, to the whole thing.
I need to protect my eyesight because it is very important to me.
My vision will be improved with the proper glasses.
I can get used to them.

I'm making the appointment this morning!!

I don't make decisions based on fear.

Besides, I know I can give out a...don't mess with me...vibe when
necessary and I plan on giving that out.... big time and I don't
give a care what he or anybody else thinks!

And how many other people have had their eyes examined
in this life, and simply received the proper eye glasses?

Where's the darn phone number?



I am also happy to report that Ralph smiled yesterday and wagged his tail quite a bit.  I hope he hasn't given up hope that his master will show up but at the same time, I'm glad to see him trying to get on with his life.

Have a fabulous day all!

Somebody

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T'day's Thoughts eh?
« Reply #3 on: August 23, 2004, 09:12:28 AM »
Due to circumstances beyond my ability to correct,

I will be ONLY POSTING TO THIS THREAD, T'day's Thoughts, from now on.

That way, I will at least be able to monitor the posts here, and inform you of those I did not add.

Any other posts placed on any other thread are not mine, so please, discard completely-the idea that they are so.

This may indeed be the objective of the mpp'er(s)---(to confine)
and if so, congratulations on reaching your objective!

And have yourself(s) a wonderful day!!

Portia

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T'day's Thoughts eh?
« Reply #4 on: August 23, 2004, 09:31:41 AM »
Morning Somebody (2.28pm here), why the blue text?

Sounds like you're sticking to one thread? Is anything posted elsewhere yours? Because I'm about to reply to you on Ramble. And I'll post there....but I guess you might reply here? But how will I know it's you?

It is bothersome I know. Will you consider registering? P

Somebody

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T'day's Thoughts eh?
« Reply #5 on: August 23, 2004, 10:18:04 AM »
Good day to ya P:

The blue text is to draw specific attention to that post in hopes it will not be missed.  Also, so that I will be able to locate it, at a later date, if necessary.

I did post to the ramble thread yesterday.  To CG and I corrected the idea that the post beginning:  Hiya CG was not posted by me.

I do intend to only post here, on this thread, as outlined in the blue post above.

I'm not sure how you will know it's me except that I will hope you will note that I do not post with malice, and if you sence that, it is probably not me posting.  Also, any posts with my name on, on any other thread, are not mine.  The post and destroy game is a tough one to win at, isn't it?

This is just my idea of how to reduce the imposter-syndrome to a minimum (have I left out an "n" in that word? Boys I wish I could spell- I can't tell when I spell stuff correctly or not.  I should stop complaining and start looking things up, except I just can't be bothered and I have a lot more fun trying to guess at it anyhow and it gives me something to really whine about).

Post to me where ever.  If I see it, I'll reply here.  If not, I guess not.
Feel free to post here.  It's free space.  I like it here in this thread and welcome you and all.

Anyway, don't get too worked up about it.  I'm not.  I'm just trying to come up with a way to at least-reduce the problem.  Maybe it won't work.
Maybe it will give more satisfaction to the mpper(s) to achieve such a confining-me-to-one-place-on-this-board objective.  I don't know.  I don't particularly care.  I'm having a wonderful day, regardless!

Hope you are too P!

Somebody

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T'day's Thoughts eh?
« Reply #6 on: August 23, 2004, 11:02:05 AM »
Hi again P:

I read your post on ramble.  I feel so sad for the way your mother has treated you, for the effect it has had, and for whatever drives her to behave that way.

You said your love is mostly compassion now, I think that's what you said.
Compassion is good.  Nothing wrong with compassion.
I try never to say never (when I remember to say that) though P.  Who knows what will happen?

I understand that the hurt she has caused is very deep, very difficult to forget (if that's what we do with hurt??), and very debilitating.
(No insult meant, please don't take it that way).

Hurt debilitates us when it occurs.  Seems to stop us from being all that we can be and enjoying that and all else.  I try to remember that I can focus on it (the hurt) or choose otherwise.  Often this helps me an awful lot.

I know that debilitating hurt is though P, really I do.  I'm trying not to focus on it myself (not a hurt caused by my mother's behaviour-but other people's).

It's the same thing, I think.  A huge hurt is a huge hurt is a huge hurt.
Whether it is your mother or any other person you invest your deepest emotions in (what a word that cathecting is eh? Never thought of investing emotion-as in getting a good return for the investment--before), your trust in, your deepest understand and most generous you in, your hopes for sharing great joy with--- in---, no matter who takes a chunk of all that and ruins it, it all adds up to the same general result.  Debilitating (for no specific amount of time) hurt.

From that P, I wish you great success in healing.   For all who have that, are living with that, and being debilitated by that, I wish the same thing, if that's what it feels like to you.

As to the "fags".  Gave 'um up myself this past March 1/04.  Smoked for many, many years.  Very addicted.  Very aware of my addiction.  Decided this spring that I will recover from the addiction and if I decide to dive into it again, I will do so when I'm 96.  I tell myself that when I really want a smoke.  I can start smoking again on my 96th birthday, if I want to, but I've decided to wait until then to start up again.  What the heck!  I can really live it up if I live that long!!!  As a matter of fact, I might start shooting pool (as long as I get my eye glasses in order, that is) and I might get into having things tucked and transplanted (as in tummy tucking and hair transplants)!!  Might be a real blast!!! I can hardly wait!!

Thanks for noticing my exclamations marks P.  I haven't noticed them before.  People are funny aren't they?  Getting kicks from stuff like pretending identities?  Wonder what people like that do for real excitement?  I hope my optomatrist doesn't turn out to be like that!! Oh no, not another bout of that------paranoia-----again.

Naw,  I've got to go live now.  Can't be bothered worrying about silly stuff.

Won't be posting again today.  Hope your's and all's (even you identity faker(s)'s day-- is truly enjoyable.

Anonymous

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T'day's Thoughts eh?
« Reply #7 on: August 23, 2004, 06:58:49 PM »
Dear Somebody,

Your posts sound incredibly self-absorbed.   I have read posts (before all the poster identity confusion) in which your language is that of self-righteous, you-shouldn't-feel-that-way, I'm only trying to help, oh sorry! tone that lacks the ability to take responsibility for one's decisions and actions.  

Don't worry I won't come back to post more either.  I've had it with the few people who show up and try to turn this board into a billboard of I'm here now, everybody, look at me. I hope you are seeing a therapist to hehlp you get to the bottom of your self-justified behavior.

This is NOT portia, bunny, phoenix, etc.  Just someone who can read the verbal strangling of healing language.  Get over yourself.  You wanted attention, you got some.

Anonymous

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T'day's Thoughts eh?
« Reply #8 on: August 23, 2004, 08:45:57 PM »
Exactly my thoughts Guest.

Somebody

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T'day's Thoughts eh?
« Reply #9 on: August 24, 2004, 07:45:45 AM »
Dear Guests who posted above:

I could tell you what you're full of but I'm not going to do that.
(and that...is a healty thing to do, when people insult you in a rude,
disrespectful and accusatory fashion:  give it right back.  That's
not "mirroring" to manipulate, but rather, standing up for oneself,
which is indeed a healthy thing to do in such a case).

Before you blow a gasket, think of this:

Why do you feel so threatened by my posts?

If you don't like them, why do you read them?

And what can you offer here that is helpful to others?

Please, tell us what helps you through hurtful experiences?
What helps you to feel better?
What good thoughts can you offer?
Tell us a cute, warm, funny, touching, interesting,
or whatever meaningful, somewhat entertaining story, please?
Some may just need a distraction for a bit, to gather a little serenity.

I don't have any major problem with my self-esteem for a
number of reasons.  Here are a few:

a) I recognized I had a problem with low self-esteem, at a very
 young age, and made changes, took steps, worked at improving it.
 

b) My work has helped me to learn to be assertive and
confident in what I do, and that has been reflected in my life.

c) I'm too bull-headed to be really unhappy for a long time.  That's my choice.

If you judge that to be n'ish, that's your opinion but that doesn't
make your opinion  true.  I judge it to be a good result from a good
effort and also, to be one some here may be trying to achieve.  My opinion.

I take your post to be critical and controlling, both of which are
not nice behaviours.   I could add much to that opinion but I have
no desire to hurt your feelings.  I'd rather put a smile on your
face.  That's what I like to do, put smiles on faces, when possible
because I like people and I don't like to see them suffer.

I don't know what works for everyone, only what has helped me
and a few others.

So, Guests, I invite you back when you feel in better moods and
more inclined to show us your good sides (thanks for teaching
me to word it that way CG).
If not, I understand.
It's not easy to get out of negative-mode sometimes.

I've been there too.  I'm not discounting anyone's feelings or
saying in any way, that anyone "should" feel, or not feel, anything.
I'm offering what has helped me and hoping others will offer
what has helped them, so that in the end, we may all benefit.

But there is a need to be open to that idea in order for it to have a
positive effect.

If that is not something you are interested in, then by all means,
do not bother.  That'll be your choice then, as you wish.

As to my seeking attention-------that's false.

It seems by making such nasty statements and allegations, you make it clear what you are seeking, and it is not to help anyone.

My hope is that your attitude will improve and that you will decide to be nice, rather than try to cause injury to anyone but ofcourse, that's your choice too.

Somebody

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T'day's Thoughts eh?
« Reply #10 on: August 24, 2004, 07:47:29 AM »
Things I may decide to do when I'm 96.

Got to thinking about this and here's what came to mind:

When I hit 96, I might start smoking again, maybe even start smoking
pot (and make smoking doubly satisfying maaaan).

I may begin to wear really, really, sleezy clothes and start going to
bars-slash-pubs with big, strapping escort-types (if I can see to dial the
escort service phone number, that is).

I may even start swearing a lot more, but only like Ozzie Ozbourne,
who swears for the shear joy of swearing (not at anyone in particular).

Maybe I won't get anything tucked or implanted, as I originally mentioned
before, because I've since decided that the risks of going under anesthetic
are just too high compared to the possible rewards. (What could be achieved
in that department, at such an age, at what cost?).

Instead, I might get a whole bunch of really weird tatoos, in places that
only show when I wear sleezy clothes and maybe a whole lot of piercings,
in spots like that flabby hanging underarm skin I'll have, and maybe some
on my probably double chin.  Start a new trend?  Who knows?

I know I'll  probably be too old to drive a car by then, but I might save up and
get one of those golf carts some elderly people use, only I'm gonna
really soup mine up!  And put racing stripes -no shooting flames- maybe both
on it, and mag wheels and maybe even some designer fins, and a really,
really loud exhaust system (do golf carts have exhaust systems? Probably
not.  Well I'm getting one-slash-it installed on my custom golf cart anyhow).

I think I'd like a black leather jacket with tons of chains hanging off of it every
where and goggles too, to wear when I drive my golf cart around at lawn
bowling tournaments and out door flea markets (I love those out door flea
markets and I'm not giving them up--no how).

Awwwwww---96.  My friend caught her 86 year old neighbour up in a tree
once.  She was there with a chain saw, "Oh, just trimming a few limbs, dear"
         (it was a very small chain saw but still...!)

I know this neighbour of hers, known her for years, and I remember thinking:

"I wanna be full of that much spunk and vigor when I get to be her age", after
hearing about her tree climbing episode.

Really inspired me, that lady.  She's in her 90's now and all her spark plugs are
still firing!  She's an encyclopedia of knowledge and a real joy to chat with!
To learn from.  To discuss subjects with.  To admire the world with.

She still visits people, in the hospital, every week and bakes some of the
most awesome pies.   Still "fiddles around" in her garden.
Goes to "parties" and generally, just enjoys people and life in general.
Loves her kids to death, always has something pleasant to say to just
about everyone, and is interested in everyone she meets.

What an attitude!
What an amazing person!
How lucky I am to have had the opportunity to know her.

Even if I don't make it to be 96, I have a plan, just in case
and just because she taught me:  "Live all you can, dear".

Somebody

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T'day's Thoughts eh?
« Reply #11 on: August 24, 2004, 07:49:32 AM »
Hi Nic:

Read your post on P's ramble thread.  I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling so down.  That's hard for you to experience that much saddness,
over and over like that.  It's hard to do that by yourself.  Good for you for
reaching out.

Hey, I tried the link you posted for me.  Thanks Nic.  Gave me a giggle.
I meant my appologies but you were right, it was starting to get too
repetitive.

I hear such a kind heart in your voice.   Just wanted to let you know that I
appreciate you Nic.  I appreciate the way you posted to me.  You have a real talent of getting your message across in such a kind way.  That is such a good quality in a person, in you Nic.

I hope tomorrow looks much brighter for you and things start to work out
for you real soon.

Do you have any goals or dreams you may care to share?
Anything you may be interested in planning for the future?
What are your hopes?

I'd like to hear about them, if you feel comfortable speaking.
If not, I understand.

((((((((((((Nic))))))))))

Somebody

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T'day's Thoughts eh?
« Reply #12 on: August 25, 2004, 10:15:49 AM »
After reading CG's very educating post, in ramble, regarding paranoia, I had some thoughts to add.

CG wrote describing her Paranoia:

" Mine also works like lego building blocks. Someone could say something,
 casually, offhanded, indifferent. They might walk away and not give it a second  thought, and meanwhile, I'd be there going through just about every negative  emotion possible. And often end up stewing and spewing after my mind had finished playing and constructing buildings with it all. "

Then CG goes on to describe an incident with a woman.

After the woman begins acting in what seems such a loud, critical, bossy, obnoxious manner CG feels:

CG "I'm beginning to regress and feel like child by this stage."

Can you remember what thoughts preceded this feeling CG?
Memories of childhood perhaps?  Comparison to n parent's behaviour?

CG's next thoughts:  "And I'm conversing with mtself in my head. "WTF!! P off!!  Leave me alone!!! Go away!! Ignore me please!!! What are you doing this for?  You have no manners? Are you trying to emabrrass me? And I'm beginning to feel all eyes are on me."

At this point, CG is now in a position to be assertive and firm.  This is the hard part.  Getting up the courage to just say what you are feeling, as politely, firmly,and clearly as possible, while giving the message:  "Don't mess with me lady."

What could you have said at this point that may have given this woman that message?
(If you had you decided this was the message you were going to give, that is).

By not standing up to her at this point, she may decide you are telling her:
"Go ahead and mess with me.  I'm afraid of you."

CG:  "These thoughts and suspicions are my lego blocks that I'm building a wall with to keep distance between me and her."

Distance is a way to cope with her abuse but standing up to her, now, right off the bat, letting her know that you will not be a victim of her abusive behaviour, is a possible thing you can choose to do to get her off your back. It all depends on whether or not she is really a bully, or just not behaving her best today.

CG:  "Once upon a time I probably would have said, "FU - do it yourself!"
 But I know I can't do that, and I don't know what to do! "

Right.  You probably shouldn't  say something like that at your child's school (and often, in a lot of situations) because it only makes you look tactless, angry, low class etc.  It is not usually the best solution either because it just accelerates a power struggle.
Instead, you need effective words that will stop this woman in her tracks, if she is indeed trying to bully you.

Often, people like this have an air of "I'm just a truck load of steam and fire, so just try and stand up to me.  I'll blow you into smitherines (now, I doubt I could even find that word in a dictionary, if I bothered?).  People who try to present as such power houses are often the biggest cowards.  That's how they keep others from messing with them.
They try to get control from the beginning of relationships because they are terrified inside of other people, or because they have had really bad experiences with people, or etc.  They steam roll their way to power.

What could you say to such a person to stop them in their tracks?
Using a calm, firm, clear, courageous voice, not real loud but loud enough for her to be aware that others have heard (because she was the loud one that drew attention to begin with), in other words, not a real quiet voice, what words could you have used?

Off topic: I can relate, big time, CG, to your feelings about looking like your father because I always thought I looked like mine and because I was always told I look like him.  This was an insult, not because he was particularly unattractive, but because his behaviour was.
It wasn't until I was an adult, and after my mother was long dead, that I found a wedding picture of my mother and father and compared it to my own first wedding picture.  I looked very closely and realized, "I look almost identical to my mother!  How could she have said that I look like him?  Why did she do that?" and next thought:  "Part of her mix up, I guess".

Looking like my father didn't bother me that much before the above realization because before that, I had taken a real good look at a picture of him, and decided that he wasn't too bad looking and that looks are only skin deep.  I told myself that I was a lot different underneath the skin than him.

Without all the picture comparison, which isn't really necessary, I just want to say CG:
Consider how you are much different underneath the skin too.

Back to the original topic.

CG:  "I don't do the healthy thing and just ignore her."

This is definately an alternative that may be effective, and ended up being the right thing in this situation.  It is especially most useful if you've run into a person who is just having a bad day and behaving badly, and it can be used on first occasions by us to demonstrate generosity and understanding.

However, there is a possibility that if you ignor her, and you are wrong about her just having a bad day, she will behave in a similar fashion toward you, the next time she runs into you, or worse.  This can make standing up to her the second time around, even tougher.  It's a risk that must be weighed.  Is this the point P was making in a later post on that thread?

Another possible response CG wonders about:  ""Hey, thanks for telling me about cutting the tomato wrong. By the way, My name is ----, what's yours? Hi ----, And would you mind telling me what was wrong about my way of tomato slicing, and why it was wrong? And then could  you show me the right way, please."
 
Great idea CG!  You could have done this right off the bat with the woman.  If so, be real clear with eye contact and body language.  Straight in the eye, stand tall, look confident. Not overbearing.  Just confident and aware.

CG re her thinking: "Questioning is dangerous. Mother was lethal if ever questioned about anything she said or did. It was equivalent to committing emotional /psychological suicide."

But this woman is not your mother.  Therein lies the difficulty.  Stopping oneself at that original thinking point, the point right after this woman first insulted you, saying to oneself:  "This is not my mother.  I am not a kid.  I'm not afraid to stand up for myself. Shall I ignor her or not?".

CG describes other less obvious but equally abusive behaviours by mothers that produce the same type of thinking, feelings, reactions in the child.

CG:  "And later, when the child is all grown up, but has this equation built in to them,whenever they feel/sense indifference coming from freind or lover in a relationship they react badly to it."

And how can such things be unbuilt?  Possibly by repetitive, positive, effective thinking techniques?  Is it possible that by substituting new thinking patterns for the old, to create more positive feelings, and an effective sensing system, one that does not allow such abusive people to plow over us, or send our reactions into spiral mode, that a sturdier building can be created? Is this possible?

CG:  "Once that pre-programming kicks in, it's cruel and all-consuming."

Never a truer statement was made.  Can we stop the thing from kicking in by training ourselves to think differently when we first sence the indifference or otherwise recognizable abuse?

CG:  "But sadly, and often, the sickening feelings created by these mis-perception and pre-programming are so damaging to the realtionships of the person who can't cope with indifference. And it becomes a lifelong ever-repeating cycle that they movin, which constantly re-inforces their own negative view point of other people  .Same old patterns. "

You said it CG.  "mis-perception".  That was the just of the pre-programming wasn't it?
Wasn't that the whole idea behind the program, to mix up perception?  We need correct perception to communicate effectively with others don't we?  The n environment really messes up communication.  Some people who behave like this woman did to you in the canteen are actually trying to give a message like this to you:

"Don't mess with me because I'm the smartest, toughest, best person here!"

Do such people really think that about themselves?  If she was the smartest person, she would have offered help instead of criticizing you or better yet, ignored your minor error, if there even was one.  Cutting up a tomato incorrectly.  Plllllllllllllllleeeeeeease!  How can one really f that up??  Come on big smart lady.

Tough?  What because she's loud?  Obnoxious?  A possible bully?  That's not tough that's inconsiderate and silly. It gives a bad impression to others and does not convince most people that anyone is tough.  A tough person doesn't need to push people around.  They stand up for themselves when necessary, and have respect for the rest of the world.

Best person in the room?  In who's book?  Probably not even her own.  If she was the best person there she would have been the first to introduce herself, speak kindly, make you feel welcome and appreciated.  This lady is far from behaving as the "best" of anything.
She may have been trying to con you or just not behaving well at all, for whatever reason.  This is what we must decide when meeting someone who acts like this for the first time.

CG: "And I find other people are usually okay with being asked to explain a misunderstanding. If I can catch myself quickly, with the first few blocks in my hand, and do it simply and calmly, ask questions to real people in the real worl, not imaginery ddemons in my head, and leave out all innuendo and suspicion. I find things are never as bad as I thought/imagined. And even if it is a bully I come against. That usaully sorts them out quick smart too, and they move along to easier pickings."
 
This is the type of thinking that calms us and and brings us back to reality.   Getting a grip at the beginning of such an episode is the most effective thing we can do for ourselves.  "Don't panic" stops us from diving into that pool of fear, helps us to ask, rather than react with fear caused by thinking habits, old learned reactions, assumptions and our pre-programmed mis-perceptions etc.

CG, thankyou for posting that mega post.  Mine is long too.  Hope it was worth reading. Your description is such a good example of the mixed
up thinking and feelings generated by our abusive upbringing and how to put up the stop sign.
You said it:

"If I catch myself quickly".  That's the key isn't it?

In regards to posting, CG wrote:  "Too many thoughts battling for supremacy, bullying each other for front place in the queue of thoughts in my mind. "Pick me Pick me", the're jostling and pushing each other"

This happens in my infrequent paranoid thinking (not just in my trying to decide what to post).  If I am able to develop the "stop" signs early, in such  situations, I will more than likely discover my errors in thinking and direct my thinking and reactions in ways that will be a benefit to the situation, rather than allow me to regress into old patterns.

It is possible to learn to catch ourselves quickly, put up a stop sign and react more effectively.
Thank you for explaining it so well CG.

CG, I think I know what you mean when you say you are a child of a xxxxxxxx victim. Inside CG, you are a good, kind, caring person who has a soul of gold.
What matters most in a person is not where we came from but where we go.
((((((((((((((CG)))))))))))))

Somebody

  • Guest
T'day's Thoughts eh?
« Reply #13 on: August 25, 2004, 01:49:22 PM »
This is just nice:

www.positivethoughts.com/p27.htm

Enjoy today all!

Somebody

  • Guest
T'day's Thoughts eh?
« Reply #14 on: August 26, 2004, 08:19:14 AM »
www.drjoecarver.com

Per Dr. J---more on paranoia--
For information sake: How to know when the problem is getting too big.
(In case there are people coming to this site who are still living with an n
person/in an n-environment).

"Moderately high Dopamine levels make us on-guard, suspicious, and prone to misinterpret experiences in the environment. Known as an “idea of reference” in psychiatry, we begin thinking unrelated experiences are suddenly directly related to us. People observed talking across the street are now talking about us. As Dopamine increases, it can become so intense that we feel the radio, television, and newspaper contain secret messages directed at us from Hollywood or elsewhere. It’s as though we are attempting to incorporate/add everything we witness into our
life. Planes flying overhead are snapping pictures of us and motorists talking on cellular phones are calling in a report on us. Our mind speed increases and races in an attempt to add all we see into our life. In an attempt to make sense, we may become extremely religious, paranoid, or feel we are a very important person.

Increased Dopamine also increases the perception of our senses, as though turning up the volume in all our senses – hearing, vision, taste, smell, and touch. As Dopamine levels increase, the noises we heard loudly suddenly become auditory hallucinations. Our inner thoughts are now being heard outside our body. These  “voices” begin talking to us, known to take different forms such as derogatory (putting you down), religious topics, command (telling you to do something), or sexual
 content. Hallucinations (experiencing something that is not truly there in reality) will soon develop in all our senses. We may begin seeing faces in clouds, carpets, or patterns. We may sense the touch of spirits or movements inside our body. We may experience unusual smells or tastes.

High levels of Dopamine in the brain often cause us to lose our contact with reality. As though living in a science-fiction movie, we begin to develop unusual if not bizarre ideas about what is happening to us. With our paranoia, we may experience delusions (false beliefs) of persecution or may think we have super powers (delusions of grandiosity) and can predict the future or read minds. High levels of Dopamine are found in
Schizophrenia, drug intoxication, and other psychotic conditions where the ability to distinguish the inner world from the real world is impaired."

Treatment:

"Mildly elevations in Dopamine are associated with addictions such as narcotics, speed, and nicotine/smoking. Thus, medications used in the treatment of addictions actually block or lower Dopamine production. If a medication blocks dopamine, it also blocks the effects of the addicted substance as well as blocking the craving sensation. The medication to help smokers, Zyban, is actually the antidepressant Wellbutrin that
is known to block Dopamine.

Moderate to high levels of Dopamine, associated with severe psychiatric conditions such as Paranoia and Schizophrenia, are treated with medications that block or lower Dopamine in the brain. These medications, called antipsychotics, have been available for many years. Early antipsychotic medications however, lowered Dopamine through
ut the brain, including the Dopamine located in the motor/movement areas. For that reason, older antipsychotic medications produced motor/movement problems that looked like Parkinson’s Disease – short-step gait, fixed facial expression, tremors, poor balance, etc. Newer medications have fewer side effects in motor areas, as they are able to specifically target one type of Dopamine.

Dopamine levels typically change very slowly. Patients who develop Paranoia and/or Schizophrenia often experience a gradual increase in Dopamine levels over several years – also experiencing an increase in the severity of symptoms over those years. A typical high school or college student may develop a sense of being on-edge or unusual feelings, gradually becoming suspicious and feeling alienated, moving into
auditory hallucinations, and finally developing bizarre false beliefs  delusions) of persecution or exaggerated self-importance over the next several years. Stress can often rapidly increase Dopamine, but it still rarely happens overnight.

When an individual becomes psychotic, paranoid, and hallucinates in only a few days, we must strongly suspect medication/drug intoxication or neurological events – something that could increase Dopamine levels dramatically and almost instantly. The prolonged use of amphetamines (speed) or steroids can produce a loss of reality and sudden paranoia. As it might happen, a construction worker taking “street” speed to increase his work productivity finds his hand or foot talking to him (auditory
hallucinations) and decides to cut it off. The sudden presence of psychosis (hallucinations, delusions, paranoia, etc.) in an individual with a history of prior normal adjustment would suggest the need for intensive medical and neurological workup."

Note:  "prior normal adjustment" suggests we all may experience moderate bouts at some time in our lives and normally adjust back to a more normal state.  When a person finds paranoia accelerating, and especially feeling out of control, or losing our grip on reality, it's time to see a doc.

Living with an n slash etc type person for so many years, during her adult
life, caused my mother to become psychotic and her dopamine levels can
easily be estimated.

Dr. JC's articles on "chemical imbalance" are very informative and to my recollection--accurate.  He explains in easy to understand lay terms.  Definately worth the read.

His description of GABA makes me think the narcissist is greatly lacking it!!

Endorphins are my favorite substances which are also released into the blood when we laugh-thus a reason to be addicted to it.

He lists a rule about thoughts: "Rule: Thoughts change brain chemistry." and he states:  "Positive thinking works".

Thankyou, Bunny, for directing us to his site for information.