Hi Gratitude:
I'm so sorry that you have (are) experiencing this pain. I bet most of us here can totally relate to the situation you described about not being told of your dad's condition. It really sums up the sad reality for the non-Golden chidren in N families. It is really hard not to take it personally or be hurt by it....but it is just another example of the N person's illness....not a reflection about you...
I think as the Ns in our lives get older, the Narcissism deepens and becomes more enmeshed. I think by this point, it's not even about hurting the non-golden children anymore....because they become just so inconsequential to the N.....Everything is about them......The fact is in a situation like the one you described, the N simply is incapable of thinking in a reasonable way---like a normal person would (i.e., contact all family members).
It's hard for the non-Golden hildren...especially in instances of illness or other circumstances affecting our family.....because our "normal" way of thinking kicks in.....and we expect somehow that rational thinking will take place during these times...We forget we're dealing with Ns...If anything, the N's selfishness, Me-oriented world and disinteret in others around them, become more prevalent. It leaves us feeling a bit helpless because during these times, legally and otherwise, we're dependent on these Ns for key information....I think sometimes we have to accept it is out of our control.....Yes, you deserve to be informed, told....but you also deserved being treated differently all your life...and it never happened. The Ns ruled. Unfortunately, they will rule to a certain extent to the very end. You just have to do the best you can and accept that you can only do what you can do given the circumstances.
Reality really bites sometimes....but I hope you can step back and see it for what it is.....The narcissism prevents them from acting in a reasonable way. I hope you can see that their neglect, their disinterest, their lack of sensitivity is all about them.....You can only do your best...and perhaps let your dad know that you would have wanted to be informed and you care about what happened, etc.
As an aside, I couldn't help but laugh out loud at the title of your post. How perfect is that! I challenge any child or spouse of an N to read that title and not understand exactly what you mean....! Everytime an N pulls one of their usual tricks, that's exactly what you want to scream out loud: "Un****ingbelievable"! Because it is just that...
Please take special care...
