Author Topic: Sadness Vs. Anger over Narcissists  (Read 1209 times)

sunblue

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Sadness Vs. Anger over Narcissists
« on: June 01, 2008, 05:35:27 PM »
Hello All:

It's been a little while since I have posted...although I have been reading some of the posts.  It is an absolutely gorgeous June day here---sunny and warm and colorful----just the opposite of how I am feeling inside.

I have posted in the past that I struggled for a long time in finding a new job...I was offered one (even though it was not one I would feel good about) and started the new job about 3 months ago.  It has turned out to be just nightmarish.  I have had to work every night and every weekend since I started.  More than 25 percen of the staff has left in the last 8 months; others are looking.  Mostly, it is because of my boss who is "surprise"----a true narcissist.  But she is the kind who is just plain mean.  She treats others with total disrespect.  She is dismissive of others and believes she (or those she newly hires) are the only people who are competent or hard working.  She has made everyone's job there a living hell.  I have once again had to job search which is deep disappointment for me.

My narcissistic mother and co-D dad just came back from a long vacation with my N sis (they spend every holiday, vacation and weekend with her) as I've said before.  Of course, they insisted I take them and pick them up from the airport and handle other similar duties.

I suppose, overall, I am feeling deeply sad over all of this.  It seems the scales of my life never balance....the "bad" or "negative" always far outweigh anything positive.  Recently, I had a "reading" which I do from time to time...and was told that perhaps I should try to express my "anger"....I noted that I never (or very, very rarely) express anger.....but that mostly (with my narcissistic family), I feel just incredible loss and pain and hurt, which I internalize.....I suppose it's because except on rare occasions, my N family never really expressed anger.  My N sister and Nmom would---but only when they weren't getting what they want-----which was rare in my family. 

I guess I figured that yelling or screaming wouldn't solve anything....and it would just cause more tension and anxiety.  It seems like everyone around me moves ahead with positive things or people.....and I am always left struggling with the negative circumstances of my life.
Mostly, I feel lonely and sad----not so much angry.  Although, I must say I do feel resentful at my Nparents.  I'm resentful that they never cared about me, took interest in me or care about what I am currently going through. 

So, like many, I keep struggling with this N issue.....It seems like it follows me wherever I go...Nparents, N bosses...I'm wondering if it's just because I'm so aware of what narcissism is now or if, indeed, true narcissism is a much more pervasive illness than anyone ever talks about.  It is so damaging though!

Anyway, just a little vent today I'm afraid......Hope all of you are doing better and moving forward.....Sounds like some of you indeed are.

Thanks for listening.....

Sunblue :)

Juno

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Re: Sadness Vs. Anger over Narcissists
« Reply #1 on: June 01, 2008, 06:36:35 PM »
A lot of what you write here resonates with me.  There probably is some anger in there somewhere.  Or should be.  Sometimes I think if I liked myself better I would be far more angry than I seem to be.  It's like I don't think I'm worth being angry on behalf of.  Something like that.

I'm ready for life to be different but I don't know how.

I hope you find a different job.  A bad job infects every other part of life.

lighter

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Re: Sadness Vs. Anger over Narcissists
« Reply #2 on: June 01, 2008, 08:02:06 PM »
Ahhhh, Sun.

My hope would be that you could feel safe enough to vent your deep hurt, dissapointment and anger.....

out in the sun.

Or....

at least priavetly in your showerstall, uninterrupted.

Holding it all in just leads to more sadness and confusion.

When we don't want to know what the truth is.... we get confused.

Time to acknowledge your truth and feel all the sadness that goes along with.

Validate your feelings.... here and in your own mind.

And one more thing..... if your family insists you drive them to and from their family gatherings in the future.... maybe you could withdraw from that duty.....

with love?


It hurts my heart to hear you're not included, for whatever reasons, and yet you're shuffling them about like Cindarella.

You're not their servant and you're working on getting your life together.

Even though this job isn't right.... it's money and it's easier to find a job when you have a job.

You've stuck this out for 3 months..... proves your tough and capable.

You can keep striving and looking to improve your lot, Sun.

::looking forward to brighter updates soon::

Detach emotionally and focus on what's important.

Have you made a list of priorities and goals lately?

Maybe it's time: )

Lighter

 

Hopalong

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Re: Sadness Vs. Anger over Narcissists
« Reply #3 on: June 01, 2008, 10:56:34 PM »
Speaking as a recently shafted Cinderella,
you have my compassion Sunblue...I do understand how that feels.

I agree with Lighter, making yourself available to serve those who don't care about you
only compounds the sadness (even when it's a sunny June day)...

What steps can you take to bring the positive into your life?
Setting boundaries around the negative is one part,
attracting the positive is integral to moving forward.

You deserve not to be drained further by selfish Ns, and you also deserve to feel pleasure and purpose in your life that has zero to do with them.

Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

Ami

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Re: Sadness Vs. Anger over Narcissists
« Reply #4 on: June 08, 2008, 10:15:25 AM »
((((((((((Sunblue)))))))))))
I am sorry you are hurting. It is NOT you but the sick system(family) which you were unfortunate enough to be born in to. My heart goes out to you. I have missed your posts. Why did you stop posting? If people do not understand , that does not mean that you are "wrong". You need to heal, in your own way, in your own time.
 It is your process, not s/one elses to judge. Just my 2 cents.   Love   Ami
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.        Eleanor Roosevelt

Most of our problems come from losing contact with our instincts,with the age old wisdom stored within us.
   Carl Jung