Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board

Let's get on with it!

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Anonymous:
Stacylynn,

Still there?  I would like to take you up on your offer to share what you have learned that has helped you to move on from your pain. You mentioned you'd be glad to share with those willing to listen. I think there are many open ears here.

Hope to hear from you.

Discounted Girl:
Phoenix,
That is a great analogy "the rickety construction ... poorly manufactured with ill fitting pieces." Redecorating is one thing, but you have to have a solid foundation. I like antique furniture and I have learned that if it was not quality when it was new, it is still not quality -- but a fine piece then is still a fine piece. For me at least, by the time I discovered my entire structure needed to be razed, I don't have enough time left, so I am trying to do some healthy remodeling and tear down those old energy sucking wings, extensions, mausoleums and tombs.

Moonflower,
The more I read your posts, the more I feel like you are writing what I feel.

Pardon me for quoting, but it deserves another read:
"Will I ever truly be healed? No…I don’t think so. Although I do not see or speak to her, Nmom’s spectre is still there. She lies in the shadows waiting to pounce ... I will never get over the negative influences, cruelty and manipulations of my Nmom. I will never be healed. I will never fondly look back upon my childhood. Although I have 3 siblings, I will never be close to them. So much has been lost, so much as been cruelly denied. I will always feel cheated of the family I should have had, and the person I should now be. "

P.S. I too have had the amnesia fantasy.
I don't even think about forgiving her. That's not my job and I would not want to be around when the reckoning comes.

Anonymous now:
StaceyLynn ,

This board is for people who are voiceless.  Talking about the problem is part of understanding it and healing. And so is "b**ching", as long as it takes.

The N parents had us in their clutches while we were vulnerable children for years, so we can take years to b**ch, all we want to, and move on at the same time, which is what we ALL are doing. What we say here is not our lives. Some would consider it "stuck" to hang around their mom and feed her ego.

You said:
--- Quote ---I even throw her a bone every now and then by making her feel like she is the "perfect" person.
--- End quote ---


You said:
 

--- Quote ---I just want to remind everyone that I came to this site looking for help in healing and direction in MOVING FORWARD to a happier place.
--- End quote ---

 
Have you considered that if you were to stand up permanently to your mom and display self-respect and reality all the time things could be better/healthier for you internally even if Nmother wasn't happy?  Why should she be appeased at all? Why do we need a relationship with our destructive mothers anyway?


--- Quote ---In doing this, I actually may be able to maintain somewhat of a relationship with her. It is all about setting boundaries and limitations. I think this happens when you've finally had enough of feeling sad and shitty, and you allow yourself to do what needs to be done to be happy again.
--- End quote ---


You mother must be very  mildly narcissistic that you can hang around her and feel happy about it.

This place is about acceptance of another's voice, whatever stage they are in or how long it takes. I seriously question that you had that bad of an experience to be irritated by those who are "stuck". What if they are stuck?  Where is your compassion for them? You only criticized them. "B***hing is not a word a person uses while being empathetic. Hmmm....

You said:


--- Quote ---In fact, I would love to be able to share with anyone willing to listen, things that have worked for me in healing and moving on. We've all been hurt/scared, whatever, by some N at some time. Now's the time we need to be good to OURSELVES!
--- End quote ---


Just share your ideas with others and we will listen. Sounds like you have more healing to do because you seem to not have a clue how the Narcissism has rubbed off on you -   You come in here like a bull in a china shop and announce what  stuck losers some are, divide the board into two kinds of users - the okay people from the stuck people - and then say you want to support others. Hopefully you can learn how to be more empathetic from the users of this board.

Just expressing my voice, being good to myself for doing it and I say to you "Good luck!"

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